Hi everybody! I’m pretty confused right now, so I had to come up here to share my story and get some advice. (Sorry if it's too detailed.) So, I always thought I was interested in boys, other options never really occured to me. I always felt more comfortable and relaxed around girls, I’m more anxious and ’aware of myself’ in the company of boys. I had one boyfriend so far when I was 19. First it was nice having a boyfriend, I loved the feeling of being loved, though I never really felt that I loved him back. We often had sex but I never had an orgasm through intercourse. Months into the relationship I started to feel disgusted by his body, especially his penis, I dreaded putting it into my mouth, but I was reading a lot of forums at the time, and most of the girls hated giving blowjobs too, so I didn’t think it was weird to feel that. But having sex felt more and more like it was something ’I had to do.’ I didn’t enjoy it. I was angry at him a lot of times, without any particular reason. I liked him as a person, he was nice but throughout the relationship I had this awkward feeling. When we broke up I felt relieved. Since then I haven't had any relationships. I like flirting with guys, but I don’t have any desire to having sex or relationships with them. When I was about 13 I had a huge crush on my sister’s friend who was a girl. I was really scared back then that it’s weird, so I made the thoughts go away, and convinced myself I just simply liked her. I never really thought about her throughout the years, but few months ago my sister reconnected with her through facebook, and when I saw a picture of her (haven’t changed much) I had this weird feeling. I imagined myself being with her and I liked the idea. I also get really turned on by girls having sex, or imagine myself having sex with a girl. Then I kinda confessed to myself that I might be into girls too, but i’m still not sure. Am I a lesbian? I hate categories, but I also hate not knowing where I belong to. If someone could help me, give me some advice it would be much appreciated. Thank you!
First of all, I would say that ultimately it is only you who can truly know if you are gay. People can tell you, yes you are or no you're not bu,t that might not be true, they don't know you. I recently uploaded a video on my advice channel discussing this topic https://www.youtube.com/user/lesbianadvice1 It's something that I encourage you to explore and understand for yourself. Don't try and repress it because it's not going to go away if that is how you feel. Moreover, being gay is absolutely fine. For me understanding my sexuality boiled down to asking myself 'Do i like guys?' for me the answer was no. I have no attraction to guys sexually. The understanding of this for me was when I compared how I felt when I kissed a girl to kissing a guy, there was no contest. It could be the case that; 1) You are gay 2) You are bi-sexual 3) Your ex-boyfriend wasn't the right person for you and you may well meet a man that is 4) These feelings are a phase (as annoying as it sounds). Although, if you're 19 or older it's most likely not (in my experience). I think it's most important for you to explore these feelings and just let them be, let them flow and eventually when you're ready you will come to and understanding of how you feel. Ultimately whether you are straight, gay, bi-sexual, trans or whatever you can't choose it. I hope this helps, subscribe to my Youtube channel for weekly videos on a range of LGBT topics and feel free to message me or comment if you have any further questions or something that I didn't cover in this post. Much Love Tash x
Your answer helped a lot, thank you! I'm gonna take your advice and gonna go with the flow, trying not be so stressed about it!! Thank you again!!
Violet - you don't HAVE to categorise yourself - and I suspect it's best if you don't. It sounds to me as though you're definitely "into" girls to an extent, at least. Are you exclusively into girls, though? Maybe ... maybe not. If you write a label, stick it on a pigeonhole, and then climb into that pigeonhole because you feel a need to know what label belongs to you, then you may miss out on a lot. Approach life with an open mind, for now, and see what happens. Go with the flow, at all times ask yourself "does this feel right for me", and just make sure that whatever you do, you do it because YOU want to do it
