close guy friend made a move, but I'm not interested

I recently got out of a 1 year relationship. Last Friday night, I was hanging out with a close guy friend at a few parties on campus. At the end of the night, he kissed me. I stopped him and told him I don't see him in that way. I could tell he was really hurt, and he asked to know why I don't think we would be a great couple.

He is a great guy on paper, but the honest truth is that I'm not physically attracted to him. Of course I didn't tell him that- just told him I'm newly single and not looking for anything serious. At that point, he suggests starting a "friends with benefits" relationship. I told him no thanks. He argued that I've had casual hook-ups with other guys, so why not him? I just said I wasn't interested in him that way. He basically left without saying bye.

I've texted him and called him since that night, but haven't heard any response. I really want to keep his friendship. But he won't get in touch with me. Is he just embarrassed? Is there any hope for our friendship at this point?

 

It would be hard for any of us to be able to tell you what he is feeling. It could be hurt, embarrasment or anything else. Give him some time and if he is really a friend he will come back and you can talk about it.

 

You did exactly the right thing. If he can't cope with it, let him go.

He'll either come round, or not. Either way it'll be his decision.

If you chase him (even as a friend) he'll get the wrong idea. You've set him free, if he chooses to return as a friend, that's great. If not, you have your integrity intact.

 

He wants a sexual relationship with you. He knows you've had casual sex partners. By you saying no he feels he is inadequate sexually. Your friendship has no chance. So either fuck him to stay friends or say goodbye to the friendship.

Yet another reason why casual sex has all sorts of unintended consequences that are usually bad.

 

You can only do so much, you were truthful with him, you have attempted to contact him additional times..........now leave it alone until he contacts you is my advice.

 

Once again I agree with Fx here.

 

He was never your friend to begin with. He's obviously attracted to you "pretended" to be your friend (like most guys do), waiting for an opportunity.

Even if he agrees to "just be friends" there will always be that glimmer of hope in the back of his mind waiting for another opportunity to get with you.

 

god, i hate the lead-on so much. just be honest in the first place.


but yeah, the friendship is over. he may come back, but it would just be because he really wants to hook up with you and hasn't gotten it through his head that he can't.

 

This is my thoughts as well! Great friend hits on you when you are vunerable. I have seen this so many times! Guess what most guys that play the friend card with a girl are there for one reason only. Waiting for their chance to try to get in.

 

The poor fella spent all that time watching you with others tell he had his shot and you shot him down. Whether you led him on all this time who knows. But don't torture him by trying to stay friends. If he comes crawling back make sure he know he will always be just friends.

 

homeboy be lookin like jay-z skeeted up in that susan boyle ho. and he smell like yo momma's stank ass draws.

 

......:smilielol5:



Cheers Glen.

 

Pardon? Incomprehensible street talk doesn't make you sound cool. It makes you sound like an old guy deperately trying to sound cool.

 

I can say the same for a number of girls who I thought were my "friends" as well.

 

well look at you, you're the ideal man

 

It has nothing to do with me personally. It happens to plenty of men. Don't be naive into thinking it's only men who want to be more than just friends.

 

are you saying women will sit in the friend zone tell they get there shot

 

The OP did nothing wrong. But, I'd have to hear from her about why she wants to keep him as a friend. If it's one of those things where the guy does lots of little one-sided favors, it was never a friendship to begin with.

I have an extremely close childhood female friend. It's not one-sided, I don't pay for anything of hers, I don't pull chairs, I don't open doors, I don't give lifts, and she takes the initiative to contact me as much as I do. *She listens to my fuck stories as much as I listen to hers.* She even helps me hook up with chicks (which she has no problem doing even with her boyfriends ).

That's a friend.

 

^ yup, had plenty of 'friends' like that, once they found out i wasn't interested in that way, poof! gone

OP, I don't think the friendship can be salvaged. He obviously really likes you and wants you as a partner in some way, being "just friends" would be torture and unfair to both of you.