Sexually Liberated Woman?

the problem is women who lose their virginity due to peer pressure when they really aren't ready and also women who are promiscuous because they feel they need to be accepted or liked by their peers. I have known several women who regret losing their virginity when they did and regret having wild phases in college which they did because their frinds behaved that way.

not everyone can go through life without guilt or regrets for their sexual past. sometimes people feel like their behaviors were compulsive/ impulsive and that their decisions were not thought out, sometimes because the decisions were made when they were drunk or stoned. again, the idea that one can have casual sex without any consequences is absurd.

and the idea that a man should show no interest in a woman's prior sexual history is absurd. Would you propose marriage to a woman who can't be monogamous? If a woman were into BDSM or swinging or was bisexual I would want to know. When she looks at my penis I don't want her thinking about all the penises she had that were bigger or thicker.

If people want to be bukkake sluts or sleep with a different person every night that's fine but don't treat people who prefer restraint and caution as inferior and make sure you don't lie when a sex partner asks about your past for their own sanity and safety.

 

The situations you mentioned are unfortunate indeed. I think one of the most important things a parent can teach their children is how to resist peer pressure and encourage them to do what they feel is right instead of going along with the crowd. In addition, the sex education system needs fixed so that young people aren't being taught shame and disgust about their bodies, and instead learn that sex is normal and natural. And yes, I put partial blame on religion as well. Teaching that sex is a sin almost guarantees that sex will be thought of as something dirty and wrong. When young people are taught that, is it any wonder that they grow up with major sexual hangups?

But of course, some people can indeed have casual sex without regrets. We have quite a few of them on this board, it seems.

This really is a strawman argument. Of course a person's view of sex and their sexuality are important in choosing a partner. No one would say otherwise.

The real argument is that having a high number of partners doesn't mean that a person is incapable of monogamy or that they are immoral. I'd venture to say that most people enjoy casual sex when they are young and adventurous, and then are perfectly happy to settle down with one partner after they've gotten it out of their system.

Of course, if a person who cannot be monogamous lies about it and ends up with someone who wants monogamy, that is going to be disastrous. I always, always tell people that the most important things they have to discuss with someone who has the prospect of being a long term partner is sex and their definition of cheating. It's very important that people are in agreement on such things before making a commitment to someone!

Sounds like this is more about your own insecurity than anything else.

You seem to be saying that people with more experience look down on those who prefer restraint. With some possible exceptions, I don't think that is generally the case. In fact, it's the other way around. Society very much looks down on people- especially women- who have casual sex. Your very own post is dripping with it, particularly when you speak of "bukkake sluts" or "a different partner every night"- I don't know what a "bukkake slut" even is, nor do I think there exists a person who has different partners every night. This is a huge exaggeration.

This slut-shaming is one of the main reasons women end up feeling bad about themselves. If there wasn't all that pressure to conform to the "norms" do you think people would feel as bad about their natural desires? I am of course speaking of people who desire multiple partners and not those who feel pressured into it.

 

Sexually liberated = a person who makes their OWN decisions, without regard to the dictates of peers, society, religion or any other externally-imposed control mechanisms.

With that runs the risk that their decisions may have deleterious consequences: such is the nature of intelligent existence.

Say yes to none. Or one. Or a few. Or everyone you meet, maybe all at the same time. But do what you wish to do, and you are liberated, as long as you understand and accept the consequences of that behaviour.

With freedom (liberty) comes responsibility. With great freedom comes great responsiblity. With absolute freedom comes absolute responsibility.

 

Yes, there may be all sorts of outdated attitudes about sex that are largely a result of centuries of brainwashing but we are who we are and just because you know you've been brainwashed to salivate at the bell doesn't mean you can easily ignore the bell when it rings.

One of my oldest friends is a serial cheater. he gets involved in a relationship, cheats, eventually gets caught and then everyone suffers. I have seen him do this at least 3 or 4 times and it is disgusting, yet I guarantee he never told any of his partners of his history.

I am not insecure about my penis. when erect it is 7 3/4" and pretty thick. It is is perfectly straight, is a nice color plus I am uncut so there is more for a woman to play with. 2 of my partners have told me I was ther biggest they ever had, but if I slept with a woman who had had hundreds of partners chances are she would have slept with several men who were much bigger. I wouldn't want a woman to feel underwhelmed at the sight of my cock or not feel full when I was inside her.

My wife was sexually abused as a child. she graduated a virgin but faced extreme pressure from her 'friends' to have sex her freshman year in college. she eventually did, hated the experience and was furious at these friends who admitted after the fact that the first time wasn't great. My wife was not emotionally prepared for it and eventually went into therapy top deal with the child abuse. As a result she only had sex 6 times in 10 years before she met me. it was my intensity, honesty and tenderness that won her over. she admitted her lack of experience upfront and that she had never given a blowjob or let a man go down on her. at first it took her a really long time to orgasm from cunninglingus because she had a hard time letting go but soon I had her purring and soon she could suck my cock as well as any woman ever did. she even learned to deep throat me which only one other woman ever did. (The head of my cock wouldn't fit easily in several of my partners' mouths).

My wife was sweet and naive and had no idea what great sex was and for months could not get enough. We had sex 20-30 times a week. if sex was old hat for her that wouldn't have happened. once she was so enthusiastic to suck my cock she kept sucking after I came until I got hard again and came a 2nd time. Again, if she had given a few hundred blowjobs that wouldn't have happened. her lack of experience kept sex fresh and romantic. 17 years later and she still loves it when I fuck her. when she closes her eyes, reaches out to grab me and moans I am witnessing something none of my other partners showed, total immersion in the moment, pure bliss at me penetrating her.

so history does matter.

 

dude I am so sick of reading about the size of your cock, how wonderful you are in bed and how awesome your sex life is.

Live and let live, for fuck's sake. No-one on here is trying to fuck you or your lady.

 

my comment about my penis was relevant to blondegirl's. I now know that I am decently endowed but until I was 30 actually thought I was small. most hetero males usually only see their own erections plus male porn stars, it is easy to feel inadequate, plus I am a grower, not a shower. flaccid mine is a little silly looking but erect it is big and hard as steel.

I have a hangup about a woman not being happy with my penis size and so am a little obsessed with what a woman must think when she she sees it the first time. I remember how mortified I was the 1st time I got naked in front of the woman I lost my virginity with but she put me at ease. Eventually I got up the nerve to ask her how I compared to her past partners. she told me she had had longer and some that were thicker but mine was nicely proportioned. After that she never talked about my cock, never showed any appreciation for it, although I did make her measure me which is how I know how long it is.

She was the only partner I had for 9 years and while I learned how to please her she seemed pretty indifferent to boosting my ego or make me happy in bed. she lacked totally imagination or spontaneity and only showed excitement when I went down on her. She would blow me if I asked but rarely volunteered and stopped sucking as soon as I came.

my 2nd gf told me I was her biggest and she was experienced. that was the 1st time I heard that and it was an immense boost to my ego. She was short and had a shallow vagina and I could barely get in her all the way.

I had another woman that I dated briefly who actually winced in excitement when she saw it. she deep throated me on our 1st date and would suck me off no questions asked anytime. Unfortunately she was dumb as a box of rocks and had no tits and like the other very tall woman I slept with she had a very loose pussy.

I've only slept with 10 women total, 2 of whom were prostitutes so I really don't have a large sample size to gauge reaction to my penis. ironically one of the prostitutes said I was huge but when I said I doubted it she said she mainly fucked Asian men. I remember grabbing her by the hips after that (she was very slender) and fucking her doggy style hard and fast.

I don't know why I am still obsessed by cock size but I am, even though I very fond of mine (as is my wife). I am certainly not obsessed with women's bodies. My 1st gf had the nicest body of any of my partners; tits that stuck straight out, flat hard stomach and slender waist plus she did kegels constantly and could grab my cock like a pair of pliers. most of my other partners were slender and petite (seems like only women 5'2" or under are attracted to me and I am 6'2" and was 6'3" until a few years ago.) still I love my wife's body best of all even though she is overweight and has breasts that sag a bit so you would think I would figure out a woman might like my cock best because it was mine, not because it was the biggest she had had.

This forum is really the first place I can even discuss this stuff. I bet most men have anxiety about their cock size but who can they talk to about it? Certainly not their straight male friends. The only female friend I have is a black woman and we can talk openly about this stuff but she said she fucked a black man once who was 12".

So, in summary I love my cock. my wife loves my cock. she tells me it is the biggest of the 5 total she has dealt with. no woman ever giggled or rolled their eyes in disgust or made comments about me being small but I can't help but think about the fact that some men are way bigger and how I would feel so pathetic and inadequate if a woman told me she had had much bigger. I guess that is one more reason to be happy with my life and grateful I don't have to be out there exposing my cock to strangers.

 

Amen! LOL.

I've heard from a lot of people about how hard it was for them to shed their hang ups acquired from religious indoctrination, years of slut-shaming in school, and "abstinence" sex education. Have you ever read "The Purity Myth" by Jessica Valenti, or "Slut!" by Leora Tanenbaum? they are required reading for anyone who is stuck on the myth that to be sexual is to be immoral.

Hasn't he ever considered he'd be much happier with a woman who was non-monogamous? Or is it the cheating aspect that turns his crank? Or perhaps he's bought into the cultural imperative of "monogamy is the only way to love" like most people have. I'd suggest he get involved in his local swinger community, and be totally honest and only date women who aren't into monogamy. Anything else is unethical.

This is what I meant by insecurity. You're worried your cock might not match up to your partners previous partners'. For what it's worth, I can tell you with a fair amount of authority that most women are perfectly fine with most penises, and it's the person attached to the penis that really matters. Think of it this way: should a woman get anxious over how her vagina is shaped? Do men really care if a woman is "tight" or "loose", particularly if we're talking about someone we're in love with? Would you have dumped your wife or been disappointed sexually if her vagina wasn't "tight" enough?

Sure, some guys say disparaging things about women's vaginas, and some women say disparaging things about penis size. But those people are 1)braggarts who talk big because they think it makes them sound cool but in reality are full of shit; 2) assholes who don't care about the person attached to the genitals; 3) no one you should bother your head about.

Yeah, fuck those people. Or even better, don't fuck them! LOL.

Of course, this is a little bit irrelevant to you anyway, since you and you lovely wife are monogamous. I just wanted to put this out there for others who might be worried about their size.

I'm so sorry that happened to her. And I'm so happy for her that she met you! You're definitely one of the "good guys". Here's to many more years of great sex for the two of you!! I'm always so happy to hear these stories of happy, sexy couples.

Yes, of course! The point of contention isn't that "history doesn't matter" but whether you are judging them solely by their numbers.

I don't judge people by numbers. Some people I've had the best sex with we're relatively inexperienced, and some who were the most experienced were really, really bad. LOL...I've had sex with three different guys who were porn stars, and two of them SUCKED! The third was a total sweetie.*

Compatibility is how you judge if you're right for each other, and just because someone isn't sexually compatible with you doesn't make them a bad person, or in any way morally inferior.

 

I hear you on the religion thing, it's taught completely wrong. Although I consider myself a Christian, I have to acknowledge the hypocrisy of the organized religion doctrine that what is currently taught is all about monogamy and purity and stuff, when in the OT the prophets themselves had multiple wives, concubines, and really only got in trouble if they committed a sin, like in David's case with Bathsheba. There is almost no talk of how people of the past would've been taught the scriptures VS the assertions we make about them today.

At least these days there's the internet, so even if your sex education is completely outdated and wrong, the truth is within reach.

As for the negative body image thing, sex education is only partly to blame, the rest has to do with what I think is hollywood marketing cultures that bombards the young children these horrible messages that success has to be this or look like that. It also has fueled the bullying problem but that's a separate topic for now.

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In regards to the genital size question, it's true that a lot of it stems from insecurity, as a guy who was formerly really worried about my own size, it is just something you have to accept and work with what you got. There's not really much you can do, but the insecurity about that issue isn't invalid as you seem to be dismissive of it.

Lots of people have relationships that do fall through because the sex life falls apart, and there have been scientific studies done to measure penis size specifically to see if there was a correlation to triggering vaginal orgasms in women. 6-7 inches was ruled the ideal size, which is much more realistic and makes more practical sense than the 8+ internet mythical penis.

So that's a reason why penis size matters to guys, especially for those in the range below the average.

 

Well i think its awesome and women who are awake are the women i wish to be with now and then because having sex with a sleeping sheepie is like having sex with a sleeping women . Her body and mind and spirit is what i wish to be with not to control just long enough for the two of us to forget this mad mad world for a while .

 

Yep. I've been talking on another forum about this recently. It seems certain Christians want to use the Bible to justify their personal prejudices (homosexuality, for example) but ignore completely any edict that inconveniences them personally (sex before marriage; birth control).

Maybe, but there is still a lot of sex negativity out there masquerading as educational resources. As a parent, if you want your child to grow up with a healthy sense of sexuality, you have to be very aware of what they are being taught at school vs. hearing from their friends AND reading on the internet. I'm rather glad I'm not a parent!

I wasn't referring to a negative body image, exactly. More to the distaste people feel when it comes to their sexual organs. For example, most girls have never actually gotten a mirror out and LOOKED at themselves, found their clitoris, or even know the difference between vulva and vagina. Guys have a bit better relationship with their penis, since it's right there where they can see it and grab it, LOL.

If I were in charge, every young person would be taught about masturbation in school. And if I had a daughter, I would let her know that when she was ready, I'd take her to the shop and get her a vibrator.
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I am definitely not dismissive of male insecurity. I know that it can be a very real, and someones even sexually crippling problem for some guys. Much sexual dysfunction in men is caused by body dysmorphia.

But you don't really believe that the only sexual problems couples have stem from problems with a guy's size, do you? There are many causes of sexual dysfunction and sexual incompatibility. Unrealizable fetishes, for example, or mixed sex drives. Then there's ED, sexual hangups, women who have pain during sex, couples who can't even TALK about sex, and so on.

If I were you, I wouldn't put any stock in references to vague studies for which there is no citation, or that wasn't published in peer-reviewed, respected scientific journal. I can see right away just from what you said that this study is fundamentally flawed. For one thing, scientifically speaking, there's no such thing as a "vaginal" orgasm. All orgasms come from the same place, which is the clitoral tissue. How you stimulate the clitoral tissue may differ (i.e., directly, by stimulating the clitoral tip (glans) or hood, or more indirectly through the vaginal walls) but all orgasms come from stimulating the clitoral tissue.

Did that article mention that most of the clitoris is actually inside the body, and is actually around four inches long? This doesn't even include the perineal sponge (colloquially known as the G-spot).

Secondly, about 70-80% of women don't orgasm through PIV intercourse alone. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation of the glans in order to orgasm. The idea that women all have the same ability to reach orgasm through intercourse or stimulation of the G-spot is a myth, and any article purporting to be about female sexual response that fails to dismiss these myths can safely be disregarded as pseudo scientific garbage.

In other words, for a small subset of the female population the size of a man's penis might matter, but for the rest of us it's all about his fingers or tongue.

 

Actually the study I casually mentioned was a peer-reviewed double blind study. I didn't provide the citation because I couldn't find it at the moment.

And while I agree with most of what you said, I do want to mention that there is debate about vaginal orgasm being real based on the medical studies of women who reach orgasm through a nerve network other than the clitoral one.

They know this because the women in those studies (I'm referencing a different study now) had spinal injury that severed the normal nerve network for feeling clitoral stimulation. (War vets, car accidents to the spine kinda of injuries)

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I also want to point out that I never said penis size was the only or even main problem for sexual dysfunction between couples.

I'm just stating that from a guy's perspective, when it comes to their penis, they would rather have and not need, than need and not have.

Other problems in a relationship you can be somewhat proactive about fixing (therapy, time apart) but to guys penis size is a unfixable problem (guys hate unfixable problems). That is ultimately why its the issue that it is.


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Yeah the problem with Christianity especially is that at least in America anyway, there is a disporprotioned amount of preaching against certain issues (sex, homosexuality, and other dogmas). The part of the church that bleeds over into politics is worst too because they assert the clain that ___ nation will be destroyed if these sins ___, ____, ____, continue, yet they do not give equal criticism to the construct of lying.

Technically the Christian church should be attacking and shaming all the sins equally and they don't. And since they don't it means they become hypocritical, and loose the ethos that they are indeed preaching a Godly message.

They lack consistency.

 

Also it seems to me this shame about sex, sexual labels, and bullying seems to be a developed world phenomena (not including the Islamic cultures which is just as bad who are in limbo with their societal development currently).

There are a lot of other cultures who regarded sex pretty casually. (Some native American tribes for some were serial monogamous and it was no big deal on a person's worth or stature)

In Mangaia, that society encourages women to have more sexual partners, officially starting that encouragement at age 13. (Boys too are expected to start at that age sexually too). The point being they don't have the same hangups our culture suffers from about sex.

Mangaia, has been a culture of study by anthropologists and sexologists because women there have NO trouble reaching orgasm. The notion suggested is that it is our culture more than physiology that prevents the orgasmic dysfunction in the rest of the developed world for girls and women.


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Also blondgrrl you and I share the philosophy of parenting it seems when it comes to raising sons or daughters about sexual health issues and masturbation.
I started a thread a while back asking if buying a sex toy for your child, usually daughters in this case, was an okay idea if you observed them expressing curiosity about themselves, even if they were pretty young (age 9-10).

My conclusion is a small bullet would be OK, but not something bigger.

I got a lot of heat for that thread, but I still think that's a realistic view to have. Since you weren't around for that thread what do you have to say blondgrrl?

 

I'd like to read that study, if you can possibly find it again. It sounds interesting. I'll do some of my own googling, too, but it would be very helpful if you could give me some key language to search with. Can you remember anything else, such as which journal it was published in?

At first, it seemed this study claims there is some other sensitive tissue in the female body that can produce orgasms that are indistinguishable from clitoral orgasms. Then with the second quote, it seemed they ARE talking about clitoral tissue, but a different nerve path. Do you know which it is?

It's known that some women can reach orgasm through things like nipple stimulation, with the power of their erotic thoughts triggering the orgasm. But even in that case, the orgasm is still coming from the clitoral tissue. Man do I envy those girls!

Whether alternatives to clitoral orgasms exist or not, the point remains that the vast majority of women can't orgasm just by intercourse. Putting all the onus on the guy's penis, then, is setting the poor guy up for almost certain failure. I put a lot of the blame on misinformation and lack of sex education. So much emphasis is placed on intercourse that it is the first thing people think of when they hear the word "sex". In reality, there is a lot more to sex than just penetration. A LOT MORE.

I feel really bad that so many guys worry like this. The size of a guy's penis really isn't important to most women. Sure, there are size queens who love the feeling of being "full" and getting slammed. But yeah...those women are those women. What they enjoy is what they enjoy, and more power to them, but guys shouldn't feel like they HAVE to be big. What's really important is a guy's enthusiasm about his partner's pleasure. If your aim is to give pleasure, it doesn't really matter HOW that pleasure is obtained. The best lovers are the ones who put all their effort into finding a way, any way, to make their partner come.

The best lover I ever had was a guy who was smaller than average. He was WILD in bed, constantly asking me what I wanted him to do, totally willing to use hands, tongue, fingers, penis, and vibrator to give it to me. He knew where my buttons were, and pushed them enthusiastically.

The worst lover I ever had was of average size. He was so obsessed about giving me a "look ma, no hands" orgasms that it was no fun, and in fact very stressful, to have sex with him. He got upset with me when I reached down to touch my clit during sex (which is something I ALWAYS do) and actually got UPSET with me and stopped sex to inform me that something was "wrong with me". Yes, something IS wrong, but dude, it's your ATTITUDE that's the problem. First time, and last time. Buh bye.

I've had other similar experiences to that over the years. Guys who insisted on stimulating my Gspot, telling me I'd gush; guys insisting on pounding me; guys who were intimidated by my vibrator. What they all had in common as bad lovers was that they thought they knew how to make me come, and rather than actually ASKING or LISTENING to me, they went their own way and then blamed me for my lack of response.

In contrast, every single one of the women I've been with has been perfectly open to guidance, and none of them ever assumed they "knew" how to make me come. That is what makes someone a good lover- communication!

You want good sex advice on how to make a woman come? Ask a lesbian. She'll inevitably tell you to ask what your partner wants, and then do it.

 

Yup I agree.

And I'll let you know if I come across that study again.

And that's the debate, clitoral tissue VS is it something else.

I've even heard of very slight rubbing and pressure near the back frontal wall of the vagina that really is only accessible when the uterus "tents" gives pleasure to the women. (As I understand it the vagina only tents if the girl or women is REALLY turned on and focused in the sex act).

Casually a gal pal of mine were talking about masturbation, and she said that when she was a child she thinks she was able to reach and stimulate that spot but as she got older she couldn't reach it anymore and she swears it wasn't her Clit or gspot because she had found both of those on/in her body already.

Those guys were jerks to judge, if they knew anything at all about sex with a girl they'd know that making a girl mentally feel criticized is the WORST thing to do to increase orgasm potential. (How old were those guys?)


Also blond, do you think those aged 16-24 today, (especially guys) know how to treat a girl in the bedroom both mentally and physically MORE than the generations that came before them? I ask because taboos that existed 30 years ago aren't holding the same influence on these most recent batches of young people. Thoughts? (Perhaps we should continue this conversation in the sexual health sub forum, its becoming predominantly medical based discussion)