Don't want to screw up. advice please!!!

Ok i was just scrolling threw one of my friends facebooks wall and noticed one of his friends was going to the rodeo. Note my friend is married so nothing will come from him. But anyways i contacted this young lady and asked her if she was going to the one that was like 15 mins away from my house and she said yes and i was already going to the rodeo with my cousin and i asked her if she might want to meet up there and hang out during the rodeo. She said sure and i asked if there was a way that i could contact her when i was there and she gave me her number. I made it to the night rodeo and hung out with her for the night. She seems friendly and very nice and shes also beautiful.

I just don't want to slip up on this friendship or even partnership so i need some advice. I have taken all the advice i have gotten from my last post but anyways im not rushing it im taking my time. I got to talking to her after the rodeo the next day and found out that she was talking to another guy but not dating. I was just wondering what i could do or say that would show her that im a possible better match to be with her. I asked her if she might want to get to know each other a little better the next time we hang out and she said maybe. Im just wanting to take that maybe and turn it around to a yes or sure.

What can i do or say to show her im the better match?

 

No you're right Willy! :seeya:

 

Actually Willy is right.

I see the beginning stages of you panicking emotionally because you WANT a certain outcome and know you might not get it.

Stop it, enjoy your time with her and live in the moment.

Don't give girls questions in which they ponder and reply with a maybe. The logical apart of the brain fails here and asking them if you want to get together and get to know each other a bit better is a question demanding a logical answer.

Lead the girl, say that was fun we gotta do hang out again sometime if the experience went well. And suggest the next outing coffee is usually a good neutral offer. And it can be dating territory or it could be friends zone territory at that point you have to read her.

 

First of all, a lot of girls will use “maybe” because they don’t want to put you in the driver seat by saying yes… even though they really want to say yes. I distinctly remember girls telling me maybe (with a dirty smile) as I invited them back to my place. So don’t be discouraged by the maybe. I’d take that as a positive response.

And I like Monkjr’s idea, but I would be more aggressive. Plan to do something with her that allows you the opportunity to be more intimate with her. Can’t do that over coffee.

 

don't take too much time. you have to at least kiss her next time you hang out, or you'll be out of the running.

 

In my opinion, if you don't want to be friendzoned, you have to make it quite clear that you're interested.
Be yourself, like the others said, but also flirt. Just be really flirty, laid back and fun. Don't come on too strong though, we don't like that.

But I can't tell you how many times I went out with guys and didn't know that they wanted more (they never really tried to flirt). They ended up being great friends, and months, and even years afterwards I found out that they were in love with me.. So don't make that mistake.

And regarding your question, girls can be indecisive. As Monkjr said, don't give her a 'maybe' type of question.

 

I don't know about kissing her... It depends on the situation,and the girl, but it might be too soon.

 

well it's not like guys go out on dates with a woman because they want to be her buddy.

this is the point of the kiss though; no matter how flirty he is, if he doesn't make an actual move most girls will play the "i didn't think he was interested" card.

sure it could be too soon for certain girls. that's the problem with giving dating advice, everyone is different. i'm just playing the odds.

 

FYI, anytime a guy ask you out, and he doesn't bring his gf along with him, you can assume he's interested in being more than just friends .

 

Yes, trust me, I definitely know that now, learned that a while ago

Edit: they were never dates though. That's why it's important to make it clear somehow

 

The advice so far has been great. But that was just a first outing that we have spent together. No one has touched bases with her other friend that she said she is talking to. I was told by her that there was another guy that was talking to her so how should i work around him? I was thinking about see if she might want to go to the rodeo again or go out to see a movie. But on the second outing you guys say to make a move but like stated above i don't want to come on to fast or hard. I was thinking of the simple touch of her hand would show that i was interested some how or something along those lines but i would need a good enough outing idea that would enable me to touch her hand or even hold it? Why must you woman be so damn confusing lol. No offense.

 

Look man my take on it: Either she likes you and wants to make something happen with you or she doesn't and any otherthinking/being needy can only discourage her from this. Don't worry about the other guy, try and make something happen and if it doesn't happen then have no regrets .

People assume they have a lot more control over situations than they often do, for the both of you to get together you have to both want it.

 

as far as you're concerned, there is no other guy.

hell, there may actually not be another guy; saying there is could just be part of her game.

 

Don't worry about other guys socializing with a said girl.

At a core level: you in competition with them.

So unless those guys are officially exclusive with your girl, she's fair game.
(player jackass type of guys follow this rule because their nature is to not give a shit, good guys need to follow their lead in that regard but then just not be a jackass in the end)

So don't be afraid of making an effort to hold her hand or put your arm over her.


Although I do deviate with xxaru about how fast to move physically in the intimate department when the word "maybe" is thrown out there. Because in some cases guys will misread a serious "maybe" and then rape occurs.

Kissing, especially making out, is fair game, and communicates the want of more than just friendship just fine imho.

For legal and flirty reasons, I make a girl say the word "yes" during the process of foreplay and tease her that I will stop if she doesn't. For me it's driven girls up the wall with anticipation, but I don't know if that's your foreplay style.

 

^This post is what i was referencing in the post above this one.

While I get what you're saying xxaru, I find that level of aggression is a murky dangerous place to play with that interpretation of maybe.

Your post's wording basically sounds like the"She wanted it" defense in rape case proceedings in a court of law. In some cases "maybe does mean maybe, and thus no when it comes to sex".

That's why I said in my post "you have to read her". (specifically: tone of voice, body posturing, level of contribution to a conversation how engaged is she, are her pupils dilated?)

I've noticed that if a girl is really into you, she won't mind intense eye contact. If a girl isn't, you having that level of eye contact irks her.

 

No, not at all. That's not even a fair comparison. I'm talking about how some girls will use maybe as part of their flirty game.

Of course you have to read the signs. I was simply saying that he shouldn't always expect a yes, because not all girls are going to put themselves directly out there like that when responding to a guy (for various reasons). He's thinking he needs to turn her maybe into a yes, and that's not necessarily the case based on the explanations I've given.

 

Right, but that's exactly my point. "Reading the signs" is NOT a natural ability that comes to all guys.

I stated that comparison to highlight a dangerzone in flirty communication which CAN lead to physical intimate acts.

It's common sense to you and I, but I am not assuming that'll be so for those who read this thread and are silent, now or in the future.

 

Haha that is so true

 

But we agree to acknowledge the point that, what a girl does or ends up doing is MORE important than what she says sometimes, especially in the beginning flirty stages when everyone's worried about first impressions within the context of cultural acceptence.

 

Guys have it so hard. They can't look at your eyes OR the chest OR below the waist without the girl giving a random guy the creepy label.

It's almost best if one does what NZ male said he did, because at least it falls within the normal male sterotype.


Intense eye contact just comes off as:

Potentially murderous