I get too attached to people. I don't know why, but I have this oddly uncomfortable dependency on them. It's silly, and several times a day I have to remind myself that it's not rational. For a while, I'm ok, then it comes flooding in again like an anxiety attack. This has been something I've suffered with all my life. With time, the ache lessens, but while I'm in it, it's torture. Anyone relate to this?
Yes! Whenever I get into a relationship, in order to really become intimate (please do not read "sexual" in that term), I take a risk. It's a risk to make myself vulnerable to the other person. I am very easy going, and I find I can get burned very easily if I have misjudged the other person and they're not as trustworthy as I believed and opening myself too easily. As a result, I find myself becoming more guarded with whom I am open. If I take it any further, I will find myself uncomfortable depending on them for much at all. It's so easy to get hurt and we put up these defenses that cause anxiety and stress. It's ok to trust people, and it's crucial for any relationship to give 100% of myself to that person. It is just hard once I've been hurt to trust again. I think it's far to easy to leave a relationship through divorce, or in the case of being in a relationship with someone to whom we're not married, to just leave. What ever happened to commitment? What ever happened to loyalty and staying faithful? What ever happened to WORKING to maintain a relationship? and working hard. We invest all this time and effort only to get rejected. After a while, we stop investing ourselves and as a result, relationships become more shallow and less fulfilling. It's a vicious cycle. It's easy to get attached to people, especially if we're trying to fill voids in our lives. Is the answer to be able to fill voids personally, and then allowing the other person to fit into my life, and me into hers without trying to change the other person? I try to assess myself to determine what my needs are, and how to best fill them. Some needs I cannot fill myself, and therein lies the rub. I find I must depend on people for some things, and only hope and pray that they don't run out on me, physically or emotionally.
I think all of the above is fairly normal. Dutch you have great insight, you too calgirl. i made myself vulnerable for someone. Did all i could to make things work. just found out the person is totally self serving and untrustworthy. At least it's not me. It's her. I told her to leave last night. No carry on, just go cos this has absolutely destroyed my very fragile sense of self worth and self esteem. Yes it's a risk, sometimes we get done over. The only way to deal with it is see it as a valuable lesson in growth....Then there is the fact that i lay awake all night just about in acute anxiety.....What a bad turn on the road of life. Oh well, least I got my pets and some really caring friends.
I understand Thing one. Sorry that it happened. You hit it right on the head, though. It definitely affects our self worth. In fact, it can destroy a person when another betrays trust or does any number of other things. Keep your head on straight! You've got a good attitude when you say it's not me, it's her.
I know that time and patience are two things that lend tons of perspective and calmness. After starting this thread I went out for a workout (and cried). In the most honest and warm nonthreatening way, I want to express myself, no matter how vulnerable it makes me. There comes a time in everyone's life where we have to stop being afraid. The trick is.....even though I may not get what I want to hear, I want to trust that I've affiliated myself with a good caring person anyway. That is at least a consolation.
