There's this Spanish girl that I like

She's 21, we met in a bar doing a group inter cambio (not a sex thing ;-) and we swapped Facebook, numbers etc. she was keen to meet again but in a group to do another intercambio (language exchange)
We've been out as a group twice now and had a good time tonight and are meeting again Monday

I've met many girls through intercambios but this one keeps me guessing. When I'm near her I feel a genuine sense of, not just physical attraction but care. I want to put my arm around her and hold her. She made me realise that if there's a type of woman I like, it's a strong one. She's funny, likes to drink, has ambition and a good outlook.
Spaniards are naturally affectionate and so tonight a few times I touched her arm and her back and she didn't flinch or reject it. It felt natural.
Btw I'm English, 29, tall skinny, starting to work out, working as a teacher, living in Spain.

I need to show her somehow i think more of her but I don't know how to do it. It's difficult in this group.

I'm thinking my bold move would be tell her something like this....

I like you
You may be young but you seem really strong. I like that.


Spanish women are still a bit of a conundrum to me. But with this girl I think it's worth a try and worth making a fool of myself. I know at the least she likes me as a friend.

If any girls wanna chime in, I'd like your input too

 

It sounds like you need to tell her how you feel. If you don't you may regret it for the rest of your life.

 

What you're feeling right now is rare, at least for me.

I had that feeling once, and I know that when I feel that for a girl, it means I want that girl for something serious not just a fling.

But don't come on too strongly, you have to communicate your interest, one step forward two steps back, two steps forward, hold, one more step forward one step back, two steps forward.

^Kinda thing.

---

I think the word your looking for is you feel cozy around her. It's not necessarily lustfully out of control, although there can be a bit of that, but its like you saw a reflection of yourself for the first time, and your a bit wonder struck at a cerebral level, as well as an emotional one.

 

i don't know, i've been there several times.

it is definitely easy to come on too strong in such a situation.

 

It's a measure of self control for sure. The trick I think is to keep calm, and remember not to put them on a pedestal, EVEN THOUGH your emotions are going haywire and are fuzzy and confused.

It was rare for me, I can't speak for you, but I've only had that kind of attraction to a girl once. Everything else was felt more of the sterotype attraction. (it's hard to explain)

 

Thanks guys.

2 step forwards, 1 back, sounds good, i think I can manage that. I know I need to step up the touching, as even a normal male friend (in Spain) will touch a girl 3 times more than I'm used to.
I'm gonna suggest we go to the cinema, just us, when I see her Monday. New Almodóvar film.

I've just had a new job offer too, which has put me in a good mood and I think it can't hurt as it makes me look kind of successful. Any job in Spain right now is gold dust and this is well paid.

 

so we didnt end up going out on Monday
We went out tonight
we were flirting
i made her laugh we were touching

but we were in a group and there was a new American guy that she met through an interambio website
and when we left the club.
the girl I like and the American guy hung back and
She said
Dont wait for us
they disappeeared into a door way
probably kissing
and my heart was broken
i was so close to telling her i like her
or doing something

but instead she gets off with this cooler guy she met that night
i feel so gutted
i had to walk to the next club with this spanish guy who's single and he's saying i hate spanish girls they're so complicated and we have to walk to another bar with some live music and the girl i like and the American never catch up because theyre probably going back to his place.]

I lost

I'm gutted
i feel heart broken
and i feel like
why did i bother even having feelings for her
it could not have ended up more painful than this
She's cool and flirty and fun and 21 and im 29 and this Ameriacn guy is 23

it doesnt matter where i live or what job i have
i have so many fucked up parent and abuse issues that i must scream out LOSER
the last girl I liked - i had to watch as she kissed and went home with some German guy who had been punching her like a 5 year old that likes girl


I feel so stupid
i feel like such a loser

how can i project confidence when i have to witness the girls i like going off with other guys

i dont want to commit suicide because i dont want to die alone and lonely and pathetic and be just a sad thought in my friends' lives

but I don't see how when i have a connection with a girl and feel something she can so blatantly miss it, and just go home and kiss and fuck someone else

I feel gutted and stupiD!!

i turn 30 next week, one of my closest friends here can't make my bday so Im thinking of cancelling the night rather han have no one turn up to my birthday drinks

When i was in the 2nd club i kept looking at the door thinking maybe she'll just kiss him in that doorway and then come to the club but she never came so i texted her

"Are you coming to the club? or are you busy with this guy?"

maybe I'll regret it tomorrow but there's no pont in pretending i don't care about her. although she obviously doesn't feel much for me I feel she broke my heart tonight

and i literally cried walking home

 

^^^ Sorry to hear that. Keep your head up man. No sense staying down and beating yourself up over her.

Let me also say that age is only a number. To most people it has very little (if any) relevance to sex and dating.

Why don’t you just straight up ask her if she’s got something going with that guy? Nothing wrong with being direct in that situation. If she says no, then ask her out solo… just you and her.

Regardless, it sounds like you just need to keep working on you. Cause a girl is not going to fix you... you have to fix yourself. Another thing you can do is find some cool Spanish guys and start hanging out with them. Make sure they are guys that are actually getting laid. Stick with them and learn from them and you should do fine.

 

I second what xxaru said.

Also don't write girls off as hopeless for you just because she's with another guy.
Be realistic about it but say their is an opening in the future for you to pursue that girl again.

But your putting a girl on a pedestal try not to do that, a lot of this was in your own head go meditate and work out or something to benefit you.

 

Thanks guys
You're right. Don't dwell on it. I was drunk last night and hungover today and for a while I kept replaying it in my head, but I've been out walking round town, been to the cinema etc and shook it off.

This is proof, I need to be more direct and you're right about putting her on a pedestal in fact I should really try to not let my feelings get carried away with out her - it was literally in my head.
Although I do think there's hope.
She texted today saying "Sorry for disappearing last night, we'll see each other soon."
I said, no worries.

I'm gonna ask her out at some point but I don't know if I should wait or find out soon. If she just met this guy last night and maybe they're gonna go out again this weekend, if i ask now, she might feel embarassed and I'll get a no, but if i wait, I dunno

 

Dude, just ask her right now what the deal is with that guy. You'll save yourself a lot of headache cause if she's serious about him then you're just wasting your time trying to get anywhere with her.

 

yep. and if she's not serious about him, waiting will just convince her you're not interested in her and you will be taken forever out of the running.

 

ok
Thanks guys
Nothing to lose right now

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Sounds to me like you need to be open with her about how you feel about her. Your signs may not be working, but maybe they are. Maybe she has the same anxiety as you. Maybe she is afraid that you will say no. Maybe she thinks you are not really interested in her because you are not reacting to her signals. Maybe she is thinking and feeling everything you are but is lacking the confidence (just like you) to initiate a conversation.

I said maybe a lot because YOU will never know until YOU make the effort to verbally approach her on an intimate level.

Ask her on a date, don't over think it. Good luck.

 

Yesterday I met a lesbian Italian friend for lunch, she cooked risotto, nice. She also gave me some funny advice, but kinda holds true about the straight scene.
She said, When She meets a girl that she likes, the second question should be
"¿Vamos a la casa?"

Perhaps not literally but her point was strike fast and don't let time pass by to become just a friend. Get her number arrange a date, or keep going with the excitement of meeting a new person until you go in for the kiss. This girl is doing ok with the ladies haha

Well, last night another mate called me up at 11 and said, "We're going to a club, a DJ's in town."

I saw a girl I liked, the club was pretty packed, this was at 3:00am

I took a bit of time to get close to her without pushing all her friends out of the way, and in my head i had a casual line to open with. It was going round in my head for about 45minutes.
How cool is this room! (¡Que genial esta sala!)

We were clubbing in an OLD museum/gallery and it looked amazing.

After all that time thinking, I caught her eye, and someone had farted, so i said "It's not me" and she laughed, then we smelt a spliff, and she was like is that you, (with eyes not words)

Afterwards we got talking, me in Spanish her in a bit of Engish cos luckily she lived in London for a while.
I told her it's my bday weekend and tomorrow (tonight) I'm celebrating. She said she was going out again on Sunday and was gonna chill tonight but she gave me her number anyway.


After that, I felt a bit like I didn't know where to go with it, we were dancing near each other but in terms of connection or whatever we drifted.

I think now it would have been a better time to try escalating to a kiss or at least said goodbye and moved to a different part of the club.

Anyway, I'm learning and improving, I got a number from a gorgeous young stranger in a club!


She was with another girl friend and about 8 or 9 guys. At least 2 of the guys literally tried to elbow me and 'accidentally' bash me out of the way but I stood my ground. One guy took his imaginary cap off ten times, signifying, Well done, but he was hostile. I bowed back, kinda mocking his gesture but without seeming like a dick.

The thing is, when I got talking to her friend, I put my hand on her waist, near the small of her back, and felty electricity, this wasn't the girl I had initally been after but the connection was much purer. Sadly she mentioned a bf, although I don't know if this was a past bf or current.
This girl was keen to see me again and was like "has my friend got your details?" She asked twice.

I feel now, I have a smaller chance with the 1st girl based on how it drifted, but you know what?
Onwards and upwards, every time I hit a wall with one girl like this, I think to myself where did it go wrong, and how can i avoid it with the next girl? Next time my move will be more hand work, more arm conection. like "Give me your hands" I hold them either we fall into a partners dance, like salsaish or wahterver or a twirl. This is quite common in Spain, people fall into it naturally even after going all tehno. or then lead her hands to my waist or something and then go for a kiss. I realised if i don't try the only other option is drift and talk and don't touch/connect carnally.

Today I'll text, say nice to meet you and your friends, here's Facebook, tell your friend etc
In a couple of days I think I'll call her rather than text. Txt is easy but I want to project a more confident approach so I think calling is better.
I'm gonna ask her out, for practise, not expecting anything. You know what? the fact that i like her friend seems to take the pressure off so I'm not building this up in my head to be anything it's not.

Tonigh I'm going out again and Sunday too to a psy trance club.

Gotta pace myself I turn 30 on a weekday next week.


Tonight - I want at least 2 numbers and a kiss

Challenge accepted!

 

^^^ That's great, but what happened to the girl you were going crazy over that you started the thread about? Are you done with her now?