male-exclusive parenting support networks and structures

That was my first post. I think your view went askew somewhere in there.

 

Well that's hard to say. Both certainly have their unique challenges. I'm not really interested in deciding who's got the short end of the stick, so much as figuring out how to make things better for everyone.

My person problem, as it relates to this thread, is that many of the support networks that would be open to me if I had a vagina are closed to me, making my life that much harder and the quality of care for my son that much worse. Of course it doesn't end there, though. As I tried to make clear in the OP, this is a pervasive problem based on a cultural norm that men are not primary caretakers. This is very inconvenient for any who are, including myself, with the potential to be extremely damaging in some situation, for both father and child.

My wife is a LLL leader. The meetings are on Sunday. She works 50 hour weeks during the week. I go to school part time and take primary responsibility for the care of our son.

Believe it, it's true. Read their website. They spell it out quite clearly. Their mission is to support mothers. Men are not welcome at their meetings. Take them at their word. When we lived in NJ, I would drop my wife off at the meetings, go shopping, and pick her up when she was done. If the meeting ran late or I got back early, I'd wait in the car. An individual leader may or may not return a man's phone call if he looks past their discrimination and calls her for advice. But there is no active outreach towards men like there is towards women. So how many men even know to call?

Beyond my son simply dying, this is my worst nightmare. I mean, I love my wife. She's a wonderful human being and I wouldn't trade her for the world. But she would be completely lost trying to raise Dylan without me. And I know that if she got it into her head that that's what she wants to do, there isn't a thing I could do about it.

This is the dichotomous gender role that I seek to disolve. A person's devotion towards their children should not be decided based on what they have between their legs, but by evaluating the actions of that individual.

I addressed this in my previous post. Segregation is not my goal. I seek an end to discrimination.

 

I'm not sure what's in place in men's restrooms.

I can say that very few "family restrooms" have been put in, as an afterthought, for parents who need to take their small opposite gender child to the restroom; and for adult couples who need to help a disabled partner in the restroom.

 

Aerianne
I meant a baby changing room that both men and women can use. Not connected to either the male or female toilet.

 

Short answer, no, not many. There are baby changing stations in many women's rooms, in fewer men's rooms.

 

Good point. I got the two of you confused.

 

David54

Not many separate rooms? Sometimes they have the facilities in the unisex disabled toilet. If they don't have many - you really do live in a small town. Seriously, is it really that complicated in the US that there isn't just a separate room males and females can use with either their daughters and sons.

 

Hi, David.

I'm Aerianne. I'm a grandmother of five (10 year old girl, 6 year old triplet girls, and a 5 year old boy).

I have a married son who is 30 years old; and a 27 year old daughter who is a bisexual single mother.

I am a supporter of equal rights for everyone. Anyone who's read my posts knows that about me.

Glad to meet you. Glad you are focusing on dissolving gender specific role misconceptions.

We're on the same side, David.

 

That is know as the "Family Restroom" here. I live in metropolitan Atlanta and they are few and far between even here.

 

When there are different restrooms for men and women, which is common, women's rooms have changing tables while men's rooms don't very often. It's not that complicated.

I'm sure that if I looked hard enough, I could find a men's room somewhere in town with a changing table in it. But I usually just put him on the cold, diseased tile floor, or go into the women's room and ignore the dirty looks I get.

 

Well nice to meet you, I suppose. Sorry that we got off on the wrong foot.

I've reread the first page of the thread. And while I did mistake the two of you in post #2, your post #7 was way out of line. One thing that you should know about the male gender role is that talking about our problems is a no-no. So by claiming that I'm trying to make an issue where none exists (when one clearly does), and using that to make a backhanded insult at my parenting, you're not being a very good ally. All in response to me saying that you missed the point, which you definately did.

So yeah, you got my hackles up.

 

Ok. I see. I just read a little bit about them on wiki. I can't say I've ever seen one over here.

 

David, you just continue to be argumentative towards me. I don't have anything else to say to you. I don't play games like you want to play.

Good luck with what you're trying to do.

 

They've added a few in Walmarts and I've seen them in Department Of Transportation Rest Areas along the highways.

Restaurants, supermarkets, etc. just don't have them; there's the Men's room, the Ladies room, and that's it.

 

Aerianne - I wonder why?
I can see there being issues with taking a child to the toilet. But I'm not sure what's the problem with a separate room for changing nappies.
I think this just might be an issue.

 

Well let's see. You've claimed that I'm making up an issue where none exists, and that this makes me a bad parent. You've told me that you don't care about me or my problems. And you've called me a troll. You followed that up with one passive aggressive post about how you're on my side, and then flip out when I tried to explain to you how to be a good ally. So yeah, please feel free to not have anything else to say to me. That would be a boon.

You play games where you get to insult people and then get all butt-hurt when they get offended. So no, I don't want to play games like that.

 

There aren't even changing tables in every Women's Restroom.

 

Aerianne

It's peculiar. To my ears words like 'caregiver' and 'family room' suggest a rather politically correct attitude towards parents and children. Yet, the US seems a little backwards with regards to providing facilities for children and parents. Is it too socialist? or European? Perhaps both!

 

OdonII

I think, though I have nothing to base it on, that the Family Restroom probably originated by a push from disabled adults. I doubt that they had parents and children in mind at all.

 

Why is always a complicated question. It's harder to know a person's motivations than to just observe their actions. In my opinion, it's not a malicious choice. It's discrimination born of prejudice that isn't even conciously considered. The architect designing the restrooms didn't even consider a seperate room for changes. It was just, how big does the men's room have to be? 3 urinals and two stalls, and two sinks. How big for the women's room? 4 stalls and three sinks. And oh yeah, women do the changes, so you'll need room for a changing table in there.

The US is not entirely homogenous. Some buildings are designed more conciously than others. There is the occasional dedicated changing room, and the occasional men's room with a changing table in it. But that is not the norm.