Well, given the way you're describing things, you have three options. Make do with what you get and be unsatisfied Get a divorce and find someone who can fulfill you sexually Take my suggestion of playing outside the marriage and saving the marriage itself. Did you guys not have sex before you got married?
Telling your husband that he is horrible probly wont get you what you want . Money problems can create other problems . If your husband think your vigina is gross , he may have problems of his own . At this point you could try marage counciling , it could be beyound that point and nothing will work . Some of the other posts , one is also yours http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=467923 http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=467988 blue moon removed her posts http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=467989 desert rat
I'm not surprised. This is the single biggest reason why I think people should have premarital sex. One of the most important pieces of a relationship is the sexual side of it, and going into a lifelong commitment without knowing if you're sexually compatible is dangerous (psychologically) IMO.
you should probably see a marriage counselor problems in your relationship may be undermining his sex drive stress from the debt and other sources could be hurting too telling him he's lousy in bed has probably hurt too. it may be the truth, but I suspect being blunt about it isn't helping since you're religious, your church might be able to recommend a counselor for you hope that it all works out!
Whatever you do don't have sex with someone else behind his back. Cheating would simply ruin any future relationship you may have with him.
Well from the sounds of it you're husband's probably gay. I mean I would say he's probably having stress problems or something like that (Especially knowing what a terrifyingly stressful life that of a doctor -- especially one that only recently graduated -- is) but with the religion mixed up into your situation to boot, that really raises the chances that he would want to cover up his sexuality and marry (especially marry without premarital sex while thinking vginas are gross -- i mean come on, even some of the most devout christians still fool around a little bit, or at least do stuff that's not full sex before marriage). I mean I know everyone was thinking this, but don't you think it might be possible? It is an unfortunately common situation with religious/homophobic people...
It is possable that your husband is gay . This is not some thing I had thought of , as you were married . If you are in a part of the world where they kill people for being gay it would make more scence . One thing you might think about , if he is gay , stay togher , keep his secret , but find another guy just for sex , or use some sex toys . desert rat
I agree with GBBlondie about premarital sex. I also agree with everyone that suggested your husband might be gay. What straight guy thinks sex and vaginas are gross? You should talk to him about it. If you are homophobic because of religion, and attack him about it, he'll just negate it. So try to be understanding and supportive in order to make him open up.
With the further details Rani has provided, it seems that she's spoken out to no avail. Whatever the reason, her husband has huge issues with his sexuality. Assuming he will even admit there is anything wrong with him, and assuming he agrees to therapy....it will take some time to get to the bottom of his issue, let alone fix it. Should she stay and waste away in this marriage, never knowing what real sexual satisfaction feels like? I'd be miserable, too. And she doesn't even know what she's missing out on, poor thing. I say she should go. You know, it may go against religion to have premarital sex, but it saves you the time and trouble of realizing you have no chemistry. Then you divorce. Is that any better in the eyes of the church?
I was hoping that Ranii would make a follow up post , on how things went . If she got her husband to give the kind of sex she wanted , or that he was gay. It is also possable that he is not gay and he has another woman , or many women . desert rat
Ranii, I'm very sorry you're going through this. I know how sexual frustration feels and it isn't a good feeling. There is no good solution for your problem. In my case, at least I can have sex with strangers, our marriage is open. And it still doesn't solve my problem. In your case, since that isn't even an option (you say you're both religious), so there is only one solution: divorce. But that isn't an easy decision to make. People talk about toys, watching porn together... toys don't replace a man. And watching porn together will probably work for a horny man, but not for one with low sex drive. He may enjoy it, a handjob, a blowjob, but that isn't guarantee you'll have good sex in return. I give all those things to my husband and it doesn't change anything. So, no miracle solution. I can only send you a hug, say I sympathize and wish you strength to go through it and still keep some sanity. If you do divorce, just don't marry again. If I divorce my husband, I won't take the chance that a man ever takes me for granted again.
It is also possable that Ranii , is a troll , I think the jurry is still out on this . They may come back later with a new name and different story . I assume people are legit and try to treat them with respect . If you are not a troll plz. post a follow up . desert rat
I really don't know what to say. My husband doesn't claim to be gay nor does he claim to have sex with other women. He doesn't talk about it. It's all very frustrating; reading what everyone has to say makes me cry. I'm too dependent on him to divorce and he's too controlling and IMO manipulative to allow me to...sorry I haven't responded. I just don't know what to say :c
Any man that says vaginas are gross is not mentally right. Sure they don't look like bunches of daisys or a nice sunset, but they are what they are and they provide and have provided countless pleasures for humans since the beginning. He's a doctor?? How in the world can a doctor feel the way he does about something so interesting and vital to life and well being? You're on a one way trip to a loooonnnngggg miserable life if you stay with this person. He's using you as some kind of front--perhaps what some others have said,that he's gay. Of course he's not going to admit it. As regards the debt for med school-he went-he incurred the debt and I'll just bet you worked while he went, to help him get through. And now(if true) this is what you get in return?? Bad. Very bad. And regarding religion,somewhere in the bible,there's a statement that says--"all is given". Regardless if you believe some or all of what your religion says,that quote means that the act of sex (and almost anything else ,within physical reason)has been given the potential of endless pleasure to us by that biblical scribe,whomever he may have been. Lose the abuser,lose the debt,lose the inhibitions(some?) and do for yourself. It's not a bad thing to be happy. It's exactly the opposite. In other words-quit fooling around--life's too short for that. ------------good luck(or better yet-make your own) Had to come back-controlling-manipulative is what you said. That should seal the exit deal for you.
