Chatter Batter: baked at 420°

I'm not as desperate as your dad, sweetie. Sometimes I wish I were, to be honest.

Of course, you don't see the vile venom I spew out at Deanna some nights. And you should feel lucky that you don't.

I ain't no saint, dear.

But the universe is allowing me to be an angel for you. It's just the way things have been arranged, but it doesn't mean I'm any better than your dad. It just means I'm allowed to look better for your benefit. And for mine.

I will grant you though that I haven't vomitted since I was six years old. That's cuz I hated it so much I haven't allowed myself to do it since then.

Anyway I'm truly sorry for the shit you need to go through. And I love you. You'll get through this, and as I said, things will get better. :grouphug:

 

I just watched a few minutes of this so far. Kinda fun. Remind you of times gone by?

 

That's crazy that you can KEEP yourself from puking.
If I'm gonna throw up, there's no stopping it.

I don't think you're desperate.

You're just Gizmo. That's who you are.

Mitchell is snoring. Its cute. His night sweating, not so much.

 

ms blindness interfering with movie watching..

 

It's not a totally conscious thing. I'm not exactly sure how it works. Lots of times I have been sure I was gonna puke, and I have stood over the toilet waiting for it. The saliva will flow like crazy, and I'll just let it stream from my mouth into the toilet. I've even occasionally had some brief dry heaves. But always the urge to puke eventually dies. The puke suppression seems to be subconscious.

Sometimes I'm pretty close to desperate. Sometimes when driving, out of a fit of rage and despair I have floored the accelerator and aimed for trees. But I always pull out of it just in time. Lots of nights I've ended up sitting in the bathtub with a knife pressed against my wrist. A few times I've made actual cuts. Then I hafta wear long sleeves and hide the scabs until they heal.

It has been quite a while since I've done the knife thing. However I reverted to the car accelerator thing again just last night on my way home from the train depot.

I've thought about going out to a particular spot on the railroad tracks and waiting for the train to hit me more times than I could possibly count.

I just get through my life one day at a time. In my mind Deanna keeps telling me it will get better...and I always scream back at her, "WHEN???"

Sometimes I don't scream. Sometimes I love her. Tonight has been good, and she has been an angel with me.

Just so you know, k? Maybe it's good you know.

 

What blindness is that, orison? You have ms? Jeezus.

 

Zen, what are you doing over here in the stoner's lounge?

 

yeah, but its not a disability/. Im just fine..

 

I have official permission, Aerianne. rollingalong and BBAD said I could be here. I can show you if you insist.

Good then. I guess you manage it. Kinda like I manage my low blood sugar and occasional double vision.

 

I don't think the trees would appreciate being covered in cream of Gizmo. :grouphug:

 

I am so. tired. I need sleep.

Sorry if I've dragged anybody down into my dark pit. The good news is that I'm still hanging on - so that's kinda like a positive thing, innit?

'Night all. Love to my friends.

 

They might just throw me back on the road, huh? :love:

 

everyone in north korea lives in the dark.. http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/111219-holiday-korea1-120p.photoblog900.jpg

 

Nah...That's fine. I just wanted to make sure you knew where you were.

 

Hell yeah. Why should I complain, eh?

It might be more fun to not know where I were, innit?

 

One day you sit him down and let him know. You give your friends/family space so they can fuck up from time to time. But if it gets to be too much you should let them know. And you let them know in a way not to create a confrontation but an understanding that you don't appreciate it. Don't be angry. Don't be accusatory. Come with an attitude that you want to be there for him but this isn't cool. Don't build a wall between the two of you-try to take one away. That you want things to be better between the two of you.

"Dad you know I love you....and things may be better....but when you do things like this.... it's not good for you.....and I don't appreciate it or like it-it HURTS me....and you know dad I love you"

 

I really hope Ortus goes back and reads this...reading about how he is treated at work burns my ass up...a boss texting like he does is totally unprofessional and taking away legitimately worked hours REALLY sets me on fire. :devil:

And now...to see that this sob is hitting on underage girls, taking them out and who knows what all AND smacking them on the ass at work. GRRRRRR :cuss:

Even telling needed truths now-a-days labels a person as a whistle-blower, and that is NEVER a good thing when looking for another job. I for damn sure would not tell that POS that I was looking for a job, nor would I give one second's notice. When looking for this other job - WHICH YOU WILL GET! -
tell them (and I'm serious, it works!) that you prefer them not to contact the boss there...but give them a co-worker's name. Surely there is just one person that can verify your work there! Tell them that you don't want him to know you are looking for work because it would even be harder than it is now, and you CAN mention to another employer that he has begun to take time away at the end of the nights, even though you are closing at the same time. AND then immediately add you would NEVER report this. Even say you need to give at least 1 or 2 weeks notice...and I'd set myself on fire before I'd tell that sob a thing. He'd find out I wasn't coming to work when I didn't show.

That man's ass needs to be put in a sling he can't get out of. Maybe if the father of one of those teenage girls was made aware of what he is up to, things might get really "interesting" for him.

I would like to do "special things" for and to him. Where is that evil grin smilie?

 

my toes on my left foot got cold so i came in

still lotsa snow on the ground but the road is clear....5 bicyclists just went by the house....i have the my music blasting out the window white trash style

 

Good morning stoners

 

Good afternoon i shall say now