I have a weird fetish for evil things

Ever since I was a young child, I have been fascinated by the darker side of life. I would get excited when I heard about violent crimes of people being tortured and killed. I would even hit my dog and pull at her fur just to see how she would react and get a rush out of it. I also liked pushing my parent's buttons so that they would react and tell me what a rotten child I was.

I've always enjoyed watching horror movies, but when I watch them it is less for the thrill of being scared, and more so I can fantasize about being the killer and causing terror in others. I've even watched live videos of actual murders that float around on the internet and felt a tinge of excitement. The thought of seeing someone suffer and die at my hands makes me shiver with pleasure, even though it is something I would never actually do.

I also enjoy fiction that features characters who are sadistic and evil for evil's sake. I find those characters much more fascinating than characters with complex motives and gray areas. There is something about a character's delight in being a thoroughly bad mofo that really turns me on.

The funny thing about it is that I am actually a really nice person in real life. All of these things are just obsessions and fantasies. However, they take up so much space in my mind and are basically the only things that really give me pleasure. I am pretty sure that I am asexual otherwise (Never had a sex drive.)

I know that many people enjoy evil characters since they break taboos and allow people to indulge in their darker sides...but it's become such a fixation that I almost feel like doing something really terrible just to get people to fear and hate me. I obviously don't want to go to jail, but the thought of being notorious deeply attracts me.

Is this at all normal?

 

Maybe as a child no, but now I do.

Now thats shitty, I love animals.

Yep, those are great stress reliever and excitement bringer.

Also had similar, but now I don't. At least not as strong as before.

You might soon come to conclusion that you actually want to do it. At least I did thought.

However I didn't hurt anyone and those thoughts passed away

Yeah I love dark characters, they are the only ones interesting.

Yep, people feel similar, but rather describe it as 'exciting'.

Same here.

This might actually mean that you might have some condition.

Go get some help when you will feel that you are loosing control.

It would be good to go now, but you don't have to.

How the hell would I know?

normal - probably no
do other people feel like this - yes

I have clinical depression and bipolar disorder. Drugs from doc actually helped me. Just find really good doc, they are out there.

 

Other people feel like this too, so I think that way it could be considered normal. Acting upon these preferences/fetishes/hobbies etc. by hurting people or animals is not really considered normal. But as a kid we have to learn this things sooo... I think the fur pulling to see how your dog reacts is pretty normal too. To go on with such behaviour when you're not a kid anymore however would certainly not be normal. I guess that you think about your deeds and preferences that might be kind of dark and weighing if they are good, wrong, normal etc. is a good sign

 

Thanks for the replies! I am glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.
However, Asmodean, part of the thrill for me is that my thoughts are NOT good, normal etc. So I might be more likely to do something very bad just for the thrill of sinking into depravity.

 

Might be perhaps but as long as you have your wits about I'm sure you know the limit between a fun fantasy and inflicting pain on others to satisfy your particular urges. All this seems very normal.

 

my darling friend define love?

 

well, occasional feelings like this are common, the only thing which would make it strange is the intensity/frequency of these feelings, i suppose, and those are impossible to judge from a post like this.

tbh, normality is just that thing everyone covets in everyone else, but no-one really thinks they have it, you can chase that fucker all your life, but you'll only end up miserable cos there's no pot of gold at the end of that rainbow. so long as you're not hurting anyone else/yourself (definitely including animals. also, to a certain extent i include economic complicity in this, although most don't.) fuck it, get by.

if its making you unhappy or if you begin to feel that these thoughts might transform themselves into more than just idle fantasies, get some help. But as asmo says, the fact that you recognise the inherently wrong nature of these actions (it seems like this recognition is a prerequisite for you) is clearly an indicator that your reason is trumping your desire.

 

What if you know that it is evil and unaccepted, but you don't care?

 

This could be from some thing that happned to you in child hood , or in a past life . You might of been a guy like Alister Crowley . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alister_Crowley

 

I don't really think it's normal.

 

Very troublesome ,to me. Get some help to figure out why these things thrill you.

 

Having seen both the light side and the dark side, I'll choose The Light every single time.

 

you mean , in a sort of theoretical sense? i suppose that if you have no negative feelings about hurting/killing people and want to hurt/kill people so much that you don't give a shit about going to prison or any other consequence that is likely to arise, then you do it.

 

in a completly theoretical sense

 

i kinda meant that seeing something as evil is kind of an emotional reaction in itself, not an arbitrary description, so you couldn't really know something was evil and not give a shit, knowing something is evil IS giving a shit, to some degree, its a kind of (negative) value judgement.

you could know that something is evil in theory, in that, you understand that others view it as evil, but don't have that reaction yourself, you remain neutral, but understand it as societally unacceptable, but "evil" (outside of religious definitions) i always thought it more of a personal reaction, closer to a verb than an adjective.

OP's whole deal seems to be based around this personal reaction, its not an attraction to transgressive acts, acts that offend others, but more an enjoyment of the violence of his own reaction to transgressive material. giving a shit in a way that feels good, rather than not giving a shit at all.

still, i shouldn't play armchair psychologist, he should probably talk to his GP.

 

Sounds concerning. I recommend counseling.

 

Well, actually, part of the appeal for me is that it is evil in terms of society's definition of what constitutes evil. Not only do I enjoy fantasizing about the "evil" acts themselves, but I enjoy the idea of people thinking that I am a horrible and vile person. I want people to fear me and to be disgusted by me. Also, by feeling that what I am doing is truly terrible, it gives me a rush.

So I would say that my fetish is a combination of enjoying people's negative reactions with a hint of sadism, since I do enjoy seeing people in pain. Probably the main thing that stops me from acting out on these fantasies is the fear of ending up in prison. I have ambitions in life and that is not something that I want to have happen to me.

Also, I am female, if that makes any difference.

 

haha, man will just cut your hand off, woman will destroy you mentally...

 

I'm an young old shadow whose seen my fair share of scared faces.

Walked in the shadows, laughed at her crying face in the light

I don't know why you're lead to the darkness I know why I was,

Your age is much more important to me than your gender.

How much love you had or hadn't will get me closer to find a place to settle with your feelings.

 

Ever thought about a career in pop music?