marriage failing

Today, over lunch, I expressed it officially that I did not desire to work at the marriage. We can't save it. He needed to know. It's very sad and I worry for our 16 y/o that is still with us. I had hoped to stick it out for a few more years as peacefully as I could.

 

So sorry to hear that.

 

Good luck with everything. I could only imagine how difficult it can be.

 

Good luck to you and I hope everything goes as smooth as it can! Your kids will be okay as long as you are both there for them. Sometimes it is just the best thing for everyone. It is never to late to start your life again and be happy.

 

My kids were angry at first but seeing each of their parents happy has left them saying it was the right thing after all.

 

I wish you well, calgirl. It can't be easy. But I also imagine there is some release in finally giving up, after working a lot and trying to keep things, to improve things. Whatever happens, be kind to yourself. You're only human.

I send you a big, big hug.

 

Wow that was a hard step to take but I beleive it was the right step for you. Your kids will be fine it will just take them a while to realize you did the right thing. Good Luck and hugs and support for you always.

 

Thank you for your words everyone (and also to those that PMed) me. I'm not exactly sure how much is going to physically change. I need a job, we need to get some unbiased perspective from an objective party on the best way to go forward. My brain is more relaxed for sure. It was very strange though to say directly to his face, "it's over". In his reaction, I could tell he didn't yet know that.

 

If it's done, then it's done.
"Sticking it out" isn't really good for your kids anyway, because they get their ideas about relationships from watching their parents. They need to see a healthy and loving relationship, not a dysfunctional one.
Besides, waiting until the kids leave and then breaking up can have worse effects.

Good luck to you on your fresh start.

 

Good luck to someone because they ended a terrible relationship?

I'd say about time.

 

We have kept the hostility down to keep things peaceful at home. However, it's that very effort that I feared was misleading my husband. So I got it on the surface.

Both kids are thriving, and both kids are aware of one of my affairs. They see me as to blame, and their dad as the victim. I've stayed strong for months, but inevitably it has weared on me so I offered to move out. We have some steps to take first.

 

I am so sorry to hear that... Good luck with everything hon...

 

No they dont

...........Or they are just going to think the parents are dorky and old no matter what the parents do, pay no attention and end up making the same mistakes, and you have to sit back and watch, how dare they make their own choices

 

Don't want to sound like an ass, but don't you think maybe you should have waited to decide with the husband that it is over BEFORE you start shopping around for another guy?

I'm kinda surprised at all the support for you in spite of the knowledge that you were cheating in the marriage.
Sorry, but I have a hard time mustering up sympathy for you in a situation like this.

I know people do what they need to at the moment, but if you were going out screwing around with other men, you decided it was over long ago.

I have more sympathy for your soon to be ex-husband.

 

Break ups are part of growing up nowadays, thats life and the kids will get over it. Just be aware that they will play one parent off against the other, so you have to be wise to it, but whatever happens theres no point in trying to play keepy uppy as the kids will spot this and take full advantage, just be yourself, you'll get more respect for it....Good luck for the future and to your husband as well, life goes on.....BTW you are one sexy chick.....

 

I retract my sympathy, cheating on your husband is not cool.

Yes, they do. For example, women who were raised by abusive or alcoholic fathers tend to marry the same type of man. Kids of cheating parents can have trust issues.

http://outofthefog.net/Relationships/PaternalChildAbuse.html
http://voices.yahoo.com/parents-cheat-affects-their-children-2027731.html
http://www.twoofus.org/educational-...ct-of-adult-infidelity-on-children/index.aspx

5 year olds don't think their parents are dorky. Children are not born 14 years old with attitude problems.

Yes, they will make their own mistakes, who said they wouldn't? Our job as parents is to set an example.

You're taking my post awfully personally. Did someone blame you for your kid's shortcomings?

 

Golden rule peeps - don't comment on relationships until you have all the facts !

 

:2thumbsup: my thoughts exactly!

 

With the coversations I have had with calgirl she has known for a long time that thier relationship was over and had talked to her husband about it several times. How she handles it is her business just like it would be if it was any of you. She was trying to do what was best for her children at the time and maintain her sanity in a one sided relationship.

I stand behind my support for her.

 

Yes, I'm a cheat. I'm a lot of other things too, both bad and good, just like the rest of you all. Judge if you must, I'm not going to defend my wrongdoing. I'll admit to my mistakes, but they don't define who I am.

My kids have seen the flaws in both of us. They have seen us try to work on things. There is rarely an ideal marriage for kids to base their learning on. Parents are people, and just as we have to accept our kids for who they are, they need to see their parents for what they are.

Thank you to those of you for your support. And those that condemn me.....it's ok, it's far less than what I have to face here.