Women and their games

Rat it’s all about being in control of the situation;

Let me tell you a short story;

This goes back aways to when I was in the air force but it’s still relevant today’. I was guard duty one night with 1 other guy and 2 girls; it was clear both by action and body language that these girls were looking to get fucked. They did everything they could to get us split us apart up and get us alone (which is what we'd normally do to them) so we played along until the moment of truth at the end of the night when we left them high & dry. That’s real power. There are always plenty of other girls and you need to approach life that way (never show them you're desperate) :2thumbsup:


Hotwater

 

Matt, I think you should probably just move out to Oregon already because us Oregon girls are a lot more awesome

 

aah, lovely. Ya know sometimes (lot of times) people assert themselves just to look confident, or be the leader of the conversation. (brute behavior?)


Just 'cuz someone is humble doesn't mean they're not assertive or confident -- they just reserve those moments for when it's really important.

You never know what someone is really thinking -- specially the quite chill folk.

(though you might find me arrogant, 'cuz of this thread)

 

Not all women run at the first sign of weakness - but not sure what you class as weak.

The top and bottom is all relationships require work.....therefore:

You will only get out of a relationship what you put into it regardless of anything said here.

Much like life. If you are not prepared to do the work, then nothing is going to change.

 

Dude I see quiet, sweet guys get ladies all the time. There might be something else about you that turns women off but I doubt it's that.

 

There is a huge difference between assertiveness and being arrogant, I suggest it's the latter you don't find attractive.

An assertive man knows exactly what their woman needs, knows when there is a problem with his woman , and works towards fixing it. An assertive person recognises the need for change and changes things that are necessary.

An unassertive partner buries his head in the sand, would not recognise signals of his woman being unhappy and would not likely do anything about it if she screamed the problem to him. An unassertive person does not want to change anything.

Arrogance and assertiveness are a world apart, but often easily confused.

 

ultimately, this.

if you're trying to piece together some kind of unwritten rulebook to a game you assume everyone is playing (and everyone, consciously or unconsciously, knows the rules, except for you) so that you can beat it, categorising people into "nice and nasty" or "alpha and beta", so you can succesfully navigate your way to where you want to be (through transformation and deception of self and others, i might add, which i don't imagine will ultimately lead to much satisfaction, mercenary relationships built on falsehoods = not fun.)

then give the fuck up.

for one thing, no-one ever, to my knowledge, found the konami code for life, so its probably a fools errand (people tending to be a little too complex to be played, on an individual basis, with a set of universal rules.) if you're trying to put people into boxes and failing, maybe the solution isn't just to improve the boxes.

for another, the pursuit of it will only make you paranoid, miserable and frustrated, it being a psychological wild goose chase which involves setting yourself an absurd, inhuman standard to which, inevitably, you fall short.

thirdly it betrays a kind of unhealthy attitude to interpersonal relationships (as i posted last)

lastly, and most importantly, if you finally figured out the magical "person you have to become to win the game" how long do you think you could be that person? indefinitely? do you think that you'll even like the sort of person that likes that sort of person?

i'm not gonna say that there's no game being played, but it's increasingly obvious that everyone's brought their own set of rules, and most people seem to think the winning conditions are different. you'll only fuck yourself over trying to find, or write, a definitive edition.

the only advice i can give (and the only advice i feel comfortable giving, knowing as little as i do about this kinda shit) is give the fuck up. happiness tends to find you when you're making other plans, clearly some people are born with an immunity, but for most this "game" seems like fucking poison. it'll latch onto your insecurities, your paranoia, and your tendency towards self-pity and magnify 'em tenfold. get happy in yourself, do stuff you enjoy, be in relationships (not only sexual relationships) for the sake of it, get your eyes off the prize, happiness'll find ya when you're looking the other way.

meh, that's all i can say, really.

 

This brings me to a saying of mine, which is, so many people are out there trying to find happiness without realising they can make their own.

 

good rant by autophobe. I do agree trying to figure it all out has lead me to more misery than good. what I took from the last few days was to let myself be myself, whether that's soft, beta, hard, apprehensive, whatever. perhaps through that I can find more confidence in meself. I do think insecurities chew some people up more than others and being an over-analyzer I'm sure I'm not even seeing things clearly sometimes.

Back to the basics.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8qi-H9Elyc"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8qi-H9Elyc

No need to thank me.

 

It's all head games. If you present yourself as a valuable commodity (low supply/high demand, in other words you know you can be selective about your mates and therefore don't make efforts toward winning affections) you will be perceived as such. If you present yourself as a cheap commodity (low demand--behaviors indicating you seek the other person's approbation and affection) you will be perceived as such.

But don't base your love life around those principles. Be yourself even if it means periods of loneliness...treat people well even if it means giving more than you get. Your heart will be better for it.

 

You know what forget all the advise in this thread.

Just listen to this song. Learn it, Love it, Live it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKWpQDBvBbM"]Dr. Dre - Bitches Ain't Shit - YouTube

 

Totally agree with you.

I have spent my life just being myself and yeah, only two guys I have ever met have been interested in me but both of them have been good, long term relationships and my current relationship is in it's 6th year. I would not have met that person if I had been busy trying to win some 'game' instead of just being myself.

I really do believe that if you just try to enjoy your life, that you will meet someone that likes you for you.

 

Stop thinking so much. The best advice I can give is just don't give a fuck. If you do, you are going to be self conscious which is read as not confident. And most importantly, if you get blown off in any way.. tell yourself "next".

Also, alpha or confidence does not mean loud or attention grabbing. I'm a mellow guy. I'm always the guy just chillin there, and if you are confident in that you will keep getting eyeballed or approached. Usually by one of their friends. I very rarely approach women. And I don't ever buy them drinks, unless they are engrossing me in intelligent conversation and I'm ordering a beer for myself. If anything, make them want to buy you drinks.

 

Just think about your interests and check it out on google. Google "meet ups <insert interest)" then you can meet people (and women) without the pressure of it being a first date, and have plenty to talk about since you have a common topic. I've done this and have met many more down to earth women than on a dating site, ten fold.

That is the easiest way I can say, to meet women these days. For sure not at a bar. In the non virtual world, sometimes a book store works.

 

^^This

I went to a concert recently and only took $100 cash, at $9/beer I went thru that pretty quick. Anyways I ended up hanging out with this girl and spotted me on drinks all night, and gave me weed! All I had to do was show her a good time. However, it was a little awkard the next morning when her husband called asking why she didnt come home last night.

 

It does sound like you are over analyzing male-female relationships a lot.

the main thing to remember is women are just human too, and also if a woman doesn't like you when you're being yourself then she just isn't compatible with you. There are all different types of people out there and you aren't going to get along with everyone you meet. If you keep meeting women in the same places and its the same type of woman then it will seem like you don't get along with any woman, but that probably is not the case.

Also, what deviate said. Just don't give a fuck. I'm shy so I don't ever really approach guys (not because I'm an entitled bitch, just because I'm shy) but on the rare occasion I have approached a guy its because he was just chillin and minding his own business. I would never in a million years approach the guy buying every other woman drinks or trying his luck with different girls.

 

I feel for you, my oldest son does the same - over analyses until his head is messed up.

There is someone for everyone out there regardless. You will meet them when the time is right for you.

 

people always say this, as though there aren't a lot of people out there who never meet someone.

 

Perhaps they did meet and screwed it up, or didn't realise. That happens too. Needless to say the someone isn't going to knock at your door out of the blue, it still requires work.