What are the chances that she's pregnant?

Inca

Thank you.

 

See, there's the spirit, keep on going with those positive thoughts. Like I said, right now things feel messy but it can only get better sweetheart. you be ok! Keep us posted. Oh, don't feel bad, I've dragged my parents into all my mess ups, somehow they still love me

 

They must be good people. And thank you, I will.

 

AHAHA.

Even when she goes to court WITH you, with a lawyer officially representing BOTH of you, don't expect a great outcome. And if it's not a great outcome, she will be subtley vindicated in anything she does later.

But that's good to know. Hope you do have a lawyer, you'll probably need it, even if you're both on the same side. Generally you need to be married for the state to accept that you're both REAL parents. They get the marriage fee, or skim a bit from child support, but one way or the other, they want to make money off of you.

 

My parents have pointed out to me the bias in these situations in court and the options I have and don't. She and I conversed, today including, and neither of us want sole custody. We're going to lobby for that in court. I'm on my senior trip right now so we've had some time to talk about it and other circumstances. How would marriage improve the odds btw?

 

If the genetic parents of a child are married, they both have full custody, automatically. It settles any outstanding child support or custody or visitation or parental rights cases, whatever stage they're in.

Child support does not mean her against you, it means the state against you. They are not representing her, and do not pretend to. If you ask the court to stay out of your lives and let you handle things like adults, you may well get the finger, like I did.

It's a way for forcing the judge's "morality" on you.

 

That's really unjust and it infuriates me to know how screwed up the system is. Using a child as a means for financial gain. Sickening. Though the marriage aspect seems like a cheat hypothetically.

I'm just getting back from the dinner. Really good meal, but it didn't go so well. I'm hoping things can improve even more with me and her. We haven't noticed any showings on her stomach, likely because of the weight, but she says she can feel baby moving faintly. Really emotional

 

Lol.... it's no cheat.

If you marry her, you're fucking married to her.... chances are that the negatives, both for you and the child, will outweigh the positives.

You can't just be married, and not act like you're married. It introduces ALL sorts of clusterfuckery.

Yes, the system is pretty screwed up (look up the men's rights movement, and what they want, and what the feminist response is... and maybe you can see why, with feminists and their lackeys crafting policy, things are screwed up. Feminism had a place briefly a half century ago, now it's delusional power-hungry fascist self-victimization)

 

That's some really difficult options, though all I want is what's best for the baby in the future. I hate to say it, but these legal ramifications look like a catastrophe no matter which direction I go in.

I'm still having trouble getting through some of the health issues with bernadette. We're going early tomorrow to exercise again. The threat of diabetes keeps reminding me about weight management and energy. She's eating for two and we have cut down, but It's still not that far off from the large amounts she ate before being pregnant. The health foods are doing well for her though.

 

You sound like a really sweet guy:daisy:. Hang in there baby boy.

 

This post shows quite nicely why I think you should be the custodial parent.

Because nobody's ever ready, but some people are blatantly unfit. She sounds like it, and you sound to be about as ready and serious about it as could be.

If it's what both of you wanted, you understand that at this point, adoption could be on the table, you can get paired up with people who you can determine to be the best possible, and still be around in the kids life and all.

 

Thank you guys. That means alot, really.

@Roor

I won't lie. While things are working out better between Bernadette and I, there are still some problems. We had an argument on Saturday on the trip because of, let's say, some of her table manners with her friends at the dinner that was making a scene. I brought it up to her and she told me in a profane way that she didn't care what others thought, and was just "having fun". I got angry and started cursing, saying some things about her. She got in my face, and I honestly felt like hitting her. Thank god a teacher came in and told us to head upstairs to our rooms cause I don't know what I would've done. I just sat to myself for a while, thinking about the terrible things I said, and how this stress and anger can't be good for the baby. I felt like shit for what I did and finally went to her room to apologize, and we more or less made up. But I'm not an idiot. Things like this, while not frequent, are very telling of who she is. She can be really self absorbed and diva-like at times. She can be really obnoxious (not saying excuse me when passing gas or burping). She can be mean or rude (picking on some freshmen before the pregnancy and talking down to people). And I swear every other word that comes out of her mouth is a either a swear or a profanity. It's not all the time, but some days it's just too much. It's scary knowing everyday that I'm going to become a father, but thinking about the baby itself makes that easier. The real tough part is knowing every day that she and I are going to have child TOGETHER. Before the pregnancy we'd barely even spoken to each other, and when we did, this was never someone I could see myself being romantically involved with. I still regret ever cheating, and feel to some degree i'm being reprimanded for it. I don't know. Like @creampie00 was saying, things will probably change for the better in the future, but it's getting harder to think if we can do this right.

I've given some thought about adoption, I really have. But I don't think I would be comfortable doing something like that. I want to be there for the baby as much as possible, while teaching him/her as best as I can. I'm not completely throwing away that option, mind you, but I don't think I could do that. Like everything else I'll give it some thought. Thanks for the suggestion though. I know your only looking out, and I appreciate it.

 

This skank is so rancid omg. Tough luck kiddo. Just focus on that sweet little baby and you'll get through it. It could always be worse.

 

I'm sorry about that last post. I had a fight and my head wasn't clear at all. I have my doubts, but I shouldn't have said some of those things about her or our relationship. I'm just having a tough time mentally.

 

The thing is, she is only young. You sound very grounded for your age, but some people act their age - literally.

No one stays the same person. I am a completely different person now at almost 50 than what I was at 30, different at 30 to 18 and so on. For the most part we grow and progress.

It is important you discuss with her that she should consider cutting down on her profanity as it will affect the child. Children can also make someone grow up. She will act differently in five years to what she does now - but let her know when you are unhappy about her behaviour and don't feel guilty over it. A reality check is good.

 

I wish people really cleaned stuff up for kids.

I thought that myself.... that SURELY, someone I know whould have to entirely turned her life around as part of the decision to have a kid.

It turns out, she just made it all sound nicer, but she's the same person and does the same things, and they effect my child.

She goes to lengths to hide it, but she's still the same, and the net result is worse: my kid sees her shitty attempts to hide that she's a shitty person, and learns how to be a shitty person. I'm not saying you can't have fun and be a parent or whatever, but there are ways of approaching the world that simply can not be done right, they are the WRONG way, and if it's still hiding in there it will bleed through and be even worse than if someone is openly doing the wrong thing.

And in that time, I've met other parents who have done the same thing. It's been very disillusioning. I always understood that parents can be good or bad, and can be bad in some ways and good in others, or can be unintentionally bad. But I never thought that, other than in rather isolated cases, parents routinely used the types of insidious doublethink and shit that we're talking about.

If she doesn't think there's any problem, she probably won't fix it. The way you view things can change, but personalities are very hard to change, and if you're a senior in high school and have the personality of a porta-john, you're probably not about to turn into a butterfly.

That's just my experience, OP's milage may vary, and I hope that it does. Just saying..... he seems, though maybe wrong on some things, inherently good, while his baby-momma-to-be sounds like an insufferable bitch, who always will be one.

 

No apologies necessary sweetie. I would have been pissed at her behavior too. I am worried about if this girl is taking care of herself and if the baby will be ok. She is probably just as scared as you. Maybe her being obnoxious is her way of coping with it. Listen tho, marriage is probably not the way to go, like Roor said, once you marry her....you are married to her and that is that. I waited until I was 29! Anyway, if a couple years down the road, you still get along with her, then go for it. If you end up hating each other, you will both love the baby anyway and isnt that all that matters? Your head is bound to be messed up during all of this but things don't always stay the same. I've known many people in this same situation and guess what, they are all happy now because they have awesome kids! I hope that it can only get better for you dear.

 

Thank you cp. I do hope her tendencies are just her dealing with the situation and not her complete being, though i can recall some of the stuff she'd do before we met were more or less the same. Marriage is a big important part of life. I don't know if i could go through with it. My parents and her parents suggested we get married when we first told them she was pregnant, but at that point they didn't know we weren't a couple. But they did bring up understandable reasons to do so like stability, finances, and being a mother and father together for the sake of the baby. I wouldn't consider it unless i could somehow see us being together contently. I doubt it, though i haven't completely disregarded the idea. But you're right, no matter what we still have love for the baby and that's all that matters.

 

We talk alot. Moreso than I would give credit for. Things like what happened on the trip or in class a few days ago, we just mostly talk and try to fix them as best as possible. @whitterbug was right in that we have to have each others back and settle our problems for the baby's sake. Some things I feel she hasn't really changed much, but alot of others she has. The same with me. We're not the same as we were going in to this, and that's good. But the language and general attitude are definitely things that could be improved.

 

I don't expect her to completely change who she is, and I accept that. What helps me though is that there has been improvement for her and me through this. And the baby really brings us closer. She's been feeling the little one moving around her abdomen, and I find myself touching her there everyday to see if i can feel it too. I can't help but smile, neither can she.