How to get my bf to touch me?

Not sexually, but affectionately. For example, ever since we first started dating, he says he doesn't like to kiss. He feels that buying me candy and soda when he goes to the store is showing me he loves me. A couple weeks ago,I got him to do a little foreplay, he seemed to like it. I woke up in the middle of the night last night. he was still up and i bared my chest to him, his response was 'oh. Wanna fuck?' Of course I just said, 'no' and went back to sleep. I don't want to sound like I'm talking down on him, but I've discussed this with him before and basically he just doesn't care and shouldn't I know he loves me bc he buys me treats at the store. The thing is, I feel unfulfilled and I know that it would make such a difference to have some physical attention (i do love attention, and ive denied myself for years thinking i was just being selfish, but its not a compromise. its him denying me any of what i want) and it could probably save the relationship. But he doesn't agree that it needs saving! And if I hold out sex, we just don't have it for months at a time. I just need to get him to be okay with touching me regularly.

 

I totally sympathize with you. Unfortunately, I don't think there is a solution. That's how he is and these things don't change. He could make an effort and do as you wish, but it'd be forced, artificial, awkward and temporary.

Think that asking him to do it is like asking you not to care.

I've learned to live with very little attention, in almost complete loneliness, physical and psychological, so, it is possible. But it isn't easy. Sometimes it hits me hard. Most days, I'm a happy person. I think one can get used to anything.

If you don't wanna live without it, the only solution is to look for it elsewhere. Leave. He won't change.

 

++1

You have to decide if you want to live without the affection you desire and probably need.

 

Have you actually let him touch your bare breasts or do you not ask him if he wants to touch you? Are you just teasing him all the time by baring parts of your body but deny him the pleasure of touching it?

 

nz...*sighs* she's implying that sexual touches aren't the problem. But affectionate touches, or lack thereof, are. There's a difference, although she should not be denying sexual touches in spite to prove a point; but that's not the vibe I'm getting here, if she is doing that she's doing that out of desperation.

Still my advice is to leave that guy as he just doesn't seem to get it and probably never will.


So my questions to the OP are..how old are you and him, how long have you been together?

 

I'm not affectionate in public myself and I really shouldn't have to be. I'm sick of hearing "my bf doesn't hold hands or kiss or take me out" bitch, that's in the movies and tv drama. Don't try and change me.

 

You have already posted in another thread you that you can't see a future with this guy! You can't change who he is. If you are not happy then do something about it, because no one here can do it for you.

 

I let him touch and I don't deny him sex very often. When he touches, its more like 'pinch, pinch, grab, grab, let me in'. When I tell him what I want and he denies me, I tease him, but only when I am specifically trying to get something out of him. The part when I bared my chest, and he said, 'wanna fuck' that's his way of saying ill give you an orgasm if I don't have to put any effort in it.

 

I am 24, he's 25. We have been together going on 6 years.

 

Yes...I am just hoping that there is something I can do about it. I don't want to look back and feel like I didn't try hard enough to get him to understand. Lately every time I try to bring up all this stuff, he whines. Maybe I can show him instead of explaining it to him. And I do feel as though I'm trying to change him sometimes, bc I tried to change so much for him. But that's my fault. Now he has this idea of who he wants me to be and it's not working for me! And it makes sense to think he feels the same way. Like I want him to be something he isn't bc I've waited for my wants all these years, but I'm just realizing that's not how life works

 

No that is not how life works, you are right! I would suggest you both just be yourselves and find someone who is happy with who you are and who you are happy with as they are. Right now you are just beating a dead horse and that is not getting you anywhere.

 

I thought about this for a while, bc I feel that you're right. Whoever a person is with should love that person for who they are... You say you don't like public affection, what about in private? And would that be acceptable request to someone who doesn't really like to show affection at all? I'm curious bc I don't know what it's like to not want to be touched.

 

Life is too short to be dwelling on these types of thoughts.

I recommend you really put some thought into how important this is to you and whether or not it will always bother you...

If it is going to bother you than you know what you have to do.

But IF you can get over it and focus on the things you love about your guy you can still be happy.

There is no such thing as the perfect partner and it's almost impossible to change someone unless THEY want to change. So, will he change? Only if HE wants too.

Good luck!

 

yep he isnt changing im sorry but everyone is different some people like to be held and some people like the hold some people wanna cuddle and sme people need their space.

but 6 years. wow. if you do want to brake up with him take my advice please.. just start actin different and make him brake up with you. ive seen too many friends go crazy after girls dump then from years relationships. that take mre years for them to even get normal.

 

Say it out LOUD!! express yourself to him! You never know he might loves it too!

 

Well I did it. I haven't logged in for weeks bc I was trying to deal with this. Now I'm back to say its finally over. It was horrible to do it. I would like to share a link that I found very helpful. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
he never physically abused me, but the emotional abuse explains it all.

 

Good for you. It's not an easy decision to start over, especially when you've been with someone for so long when you're still so young.

 

I suspect you two weren't compatible with each other. It will take some getting used to being single again, but I wish you all the best with your future and everything.

Now, I must admit I can be a bit biased when it comes to issues like this because of my current situation. I'm in a long distance relationship at the moment and there's no way I can be physically affectionate with my SO at this particular time. So when I hear about someone who isn't inclined to show affection to their SOs even in a private setting, there is a part of me that thinks in terms of "oh, you self-centered schmuck! there are people out there who would like nothing more than to put their arms around their loved ones but can't because they have no choice, and you choose not to even though you have the choice to be affectionate with your SO".... But hey, like I said in the beginning, you two weren't compatible. In the end it's no one's fault because he is naturally less affectionate than you are.

Like I said in the first paragraph, I wish you all the best with your new beginning.

 

Well I'm glad you left him because candy and soda isnt enough for ANY woman.