Hey Everyone.. I am a 17 year old senior in high school who is bisexual. I am planning on going to college next year and dont exactly know how to come out to my new room mate and new friends. The college that I will be attending is overall pretty open-minded and is somewhat known for its "hippy" atmosphere. At home, the only person who knows that I do like girls as well as guys is my boyfriend. Telling just one person made me feel so much more free and a lot happier. I finally felt like I was the real me. I want to experience this soo badly at college but i am scared that Im going to get the one homophobic person on campus as a room mate. Do I tell her at all? Need help....
I'm bi too but I never really ran into the problem with telling people, if you're proud of it and aren't insecure about people will realize you're serious and hopefully respect you for it. as long as you respect your roomates sexuality, [even if you think she's hot as hell but she's 100% straight don't hit on her.] she probably wont feel awkward about it. good luck I hope everything works out for you.
Tell people you feel comfortable telling. I am bisexual. I don't walk around telling everybody that i am bisexual. only peopl that i feel I can trust or people I feel are open minded, if the subject comes up.
Thanks for the advice! I think the only reason why I am so nervous is because I feel like I am so alone at home because almost no one knows and Im dreading feeling that same way for another four years. Im hoping that the room mate that I do get will be as open-minded as I try to be but then again... who knows? I f i do sense that she would hold my sexuallity againt me, then I wont tell her. I understand how some people are offended by homo and bisexuality and although I dont agree with their opinions, I have to respect them.
I don't come out to anyone unless I need to (or am interested) because I don't really think that's what defines me. With a roommate I guess its different, cause if its a chick she could get all paranoid that you like her.. so either don't tell her till you have to, or tell her but at the same time make sure she knows you're indifferent to her (I say indifferent rather than not into her cause sometimes chicks are curious and if you think she's hot you might miss out)... If you're still with your boyfriend it's easy, I just say something like "I think girls like that look really pretty/hot" and usually the person raises their eyebrows, so I say "don't worry, I have a boyfriend". I kinda like not making things clear, cause it feels great to keep people guessing and curious about me. Keeps people on their toes. And it is college
Um... in terms of coming out... I've kinda stopped doing it. Like, its odd. It's not like I've stopped telling people that I'm bisexual... but I haven't really been doing it much... Um... I'm not explaining myself very well... Like, imagine that I'm in a club with some friends. Some know I'm bi, some don't. It's not an issue to me. The conversation turns to celebrities and who's hot and who isn't. Someone might mention Angelina Jolie and of course I'm going to agree with them extremely loudly and enthusiastically that yes, she is extremely hot. So I am showing my "girl liking side". But I'm not gonna turn to my other friends and say "Oh yeah, btw, I'm bi." Cos if someone mentions Johnny Depp and how hot he is and I say "Yes, hottest male in the universe", I'm not gonna turn to my friends and say "oh yeah, btw, I'm bi." I let them figure it for themselves. I mention old girlfriends the same way that I mention old boyfriends... If they get the wrong idea (ie that I'm either straight or a lesbian) then who cares.... It's their assumption. And then its always funny when they get confused and are like "But... hang on... I thought... she likes... HUH?" In terms of roommates... do NOT be afraid to be who you are. If you want to hang a poster of a girl who you think is totally fucking hot then do it. It's one thing to be subtle about who you are and not shove it in peoples faces (ie "HAHA I'M GAY WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ABOUT IT????") so as to cause a reaction but on the other hand, don't feel that you have to censor who you are. If, unfortunately, you do get the only inbred redneck homophobic prejudiced idiot on campus as your roommate and YOU do not feel comfortable with HER then ask for a transfer. It has to be possible and you do not have to be made uncomfortable by her prejudices and stupid dislikes (hypothetically speaking of course... you could end up with a totally cool roommate who you end up having lots and lots of hot lesbian sexxies with. *grin*)
Treat as a non-issue. Go about your life without throwing it in your own face, then you'll avoid doing that to others too. I dunno - I know what you mean, I thought I never really needed to confront it anymore until I realised that I was speechless to admit to my cousin that I had a boyfriend when I was at his housewarming a few nights back. That was family, somehow it was different. You'll always run into it, I think, but just... ...yeah, let it go as much as is possible and reasonable.
Where are you going? If its Oberlin, you'll be fine. If it's not, you should transfer to Oberlin. Oh and if it is, come by and say high during orientation next year
just be yourself and do whats natural. no one has a right to force you to come out or to stay in the closet. time can hold some of the greatest answers.
I can see the pros and cons of the issue. However, I can't help but try to put myself in your roommate's position. If you're going to come out to people on campus, your roommate should be one of the first, simply because of how it might feel to hear it from someone else.
Im going to Keene State in Hew Hampshire. From what I hear and what I see when I go up there everyone seems real chill and openminded. Thats actually the number 1 reason why I picked Keene as THE college I wanted to go to. I walked on campus and I saw at least three people wearing the same exact outfit as me, down to the shoes and all. I felt real comfortable on campus being a visitor so hopefully I will feel that way as a student.
While I agree that your roomie should find out from you rahter than someone else, I wouldn't rush into telling her right away. I've noticed that when you tell a person your sexuality from the start, that's what they tend to focus on. But if you try to get to know each otehr in other aspects of your life first, then wen you do come out, they will know more about you than just your sexuality, making it easier for them to know you as a person rather than your gender preference. Don't go to any lengths to hide it. If she brings up teh subject, be as open and honest as you desire. And even if she doesn't bring up the subject, feel free to go about your normal daily life, as was mentioned before, so that when you finally do come out to her, she might not be so suprised. One way to approach her about your sexuality is to get into a conversation about sexuality in general, without pointing fingers at anyone. And if sex comes up in a conversation, you could always be the first to ask HER sexuality. IF she's straight, ask hwo she feels about gays/bis in general. You're basically preparing her for your coming out while preparing yourself for her possible reactions. But that's just what I'd consider if I was in your shoes.
I wouldn't come right out and tell her, but if it comes up and you feel comfortable around her, then tell her. Get to know her first; you don't want to freak her out, just in case. I think you'll be fine, and lots of girls in college hook up with other girls. Just go with the flow. Peace, Molly
Peace, I hope you are still here reading. My name is Jon. I'm a sophomore in college and I've been using this forum since I was a senior in high school. I had more posts; many of us did, but we got reset. Anyway. You are no doubt feeling anxious about telling people at school. You want everyone to know but you don't know how to tell anyone. The most imminent person you will tell is your roommate whom you are now focusing on. Lets start with how to tell anyone. Suppose for a moment that you are grown, mature and all around Taylor like. How and when do you tell people? By now you've told so many people you've passed the "break out of the closet" phase. You've had a relationship or two and a big crush, ending in heartbreak. You no longer feel the need to tell anyone you are gay. All your friends, sorority sisters, and other people important in your life already know. There is only one reason you would tell someone you are bi: that being that it is a detail about you that is just as significant as the rest. For me at this point, it is as significant as what kind of movies I like and details about my major. If someone knows those things about me, they should, by then, know that I'm gay. Sometimes I chose to neglect to mention it. Makes a good surprise. Most people starting out in college believe they do not know any gay or bi people. If you find something you have in common with a person before telling them you are bi, they'll feel more 'in common' than 'out of common'. The moral of this paragraph is that people should know the more significant details about you before your sexuality. Right now you are going, "Shit Jon, it's kind of a big deal to me!" That is to be expected. You are not yet Taylor like. You wish for there to be a big group of people who know this truth about you and still love you for it. It will come soon. I would also add that you are looking for a girlfriend, but maybe you are not, as you have a boyfriend. The above paragraph describes an attitude mentioned by many already. Treat it as a non-issue. It isn't that big of a deal. Unless.... "what" your roommate says in a sudden low serious voice. "yeah, I am bisexual," you say in a slightly surprised voice. She did after all give off an aire of distain. And if she says [anything remotely negative] Holy shit. What a cold hearted bitch! How dare she have such a problem in this day in age. Who does she think this is, the Pope? This is unbelievable. At this point your face should be saying, "HAHA I'M GAY WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ABOUT IT????" and your mouth saying anything it pleases. There is no need to defend yourself saying anything like, "Oh no, don't worry, I have a boyfriend." She should change rooms. Evil little bi.. Odds are, nothing close to this will happen. You and your, sadly, straight roommate will become fast friends and she'll open up to you about her grandfather passing away.
And think about it, she isn't going to introduce herself and say, "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm a heterosexual." So why should you feel obligated to tell her your sexual orientation right off? Everything is going to work out.
Wow you guys give such good advice! Jon, I feel like you read my mind! I know that I need to go into college open-minded and open-hearted but I also know that I have to be considerate of the people whom I am about to meet. As of now, my plan is to go into college, meet my roomate and get a feel of who she really is within a few days (hopefully I will get my room-assignments during the summer so I can get to know her a little bit before even getting to school- but im not gonna jump the gun here!). If i sense that she is going to have a problem with my sexuality I can either tell her and, if things get bad enough change room mates, or I can just avoid that whole topic and make other friends who accept me for who I am. I know that it is going to be hard but I think that my sexuality SHOULD NOT become the main focus of such a wonderful experience and opportunity for me. While Im not exactly sure whats going to happen to me up at school, I think im starting to feel at least a little bit better. I mean, I can always come to these forums, right? So thank you all so much for the advice and keep it coming...
that is totally my dilemma as well! Im choosing my courses for my first year at Univ. and I keep telling myself that I can bottle up my sexuality for just a little longer then be as free as I want to be because I'm not home. I think wearing a white t shirt with rainbow lettering that says "Proud" wopuld spell it out quite clearly or show up with a girlfriend at orientation or whatever
I was thinking about wearing one of those posters on my body that says it. I figure, that way I wont even have to say a word!
