hi guys, it's me agian, After a month of anxiety, paranoia, depression following bad trip. I'm back to myself. I ate and slept well and did not take drugs. yesterday I smoked good weed, to check if my flash backs come back, and they have not returned. Well my question is, I noticed a bad trip starts when you think about your ego. Then you have the feeling that people are whispering and talking about you. Well the thoughts they talk about you, it's basically who you are? Now I remember that it started that way. They talked about who I am. And then I listened to them and tried to figure out who I really was. Becouse of that I started to have a bad trip. my question is "why it was like that?" what "they" told about me, it was the opposite of what I experienced on bad trip. It's like a psychedelic experience do not want you to understand and know who you are. Then he attacks you, and try to destroy you. (That's what I felt). On the other hand I know that when you experience psychedelic and you think Nature, it also means who you are but it indirectly.
Your ego is a hallucination/construct created by your nervous system for psychological continuity. I like this viewpoint. When you experience "ego death", it means that this construct is dissolved, leaving only the empty pure receiver of information. Ego does not want to die, and fears death, so ego will fight to live. This is normal. You talk about people whispering and talking about you . . . do you hear voices when you are sober? Do you hear voices when you are on LSD? Or do you mean these are thoughts in your mind that are "loud"? Sometimes also we learn things about our egos that we wish we didn't know, that we wish were not true, difficult things that require acceptance and perhaps changing . . . sometimes this is a lot of work and painful and overwhelming.
IMO it sounds like you shouldn't "try to figure out who you are"...that's like, a human construct, it's an idea but it's not a real thing, identity isn't... Just let yourself be whatever you happen to be at that moment in time, even if it goes against what you "think" you are or "think" you should be... the part of you that wants to figure out "who am I" IS your ego, yanno, and I feel like the LSD forces want your ego to die, for you to denounce your ego and accept your role as Part of Everything.
Acid often elicits what I refer to as an inventory of perspectives and emotions. Meaning one may be prompted with a psychological issue and without being able to rationalize the issue fully through from a perspective as a 'normal' mind would do in sober consciousness, the psychedelic mind will gravitate to a different perspective sometimes without ever resolving the previous thoughts. Now I think often times when this happens while tripping, it's experienced as liberating but it can turn into psychological quicksand and frustration as well when none of the perspectives are being retained, and there is sometimes a feeling of losing your mind when this affect occurs. There also could be issues of projecting parts of yourself on what you think they think and/or aspects of acceptance which your ego may have felt attacked and under scrutiny.
