Hey, so my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years and love each other very much. Something that has kind of always bothered me though is that she is just so uninterested in sex. I mean, at least she likes it, and even though she's usually not very horny she'll still have sex with me to make me happy and just to be with me and all that. She always assures me that this is fine with her, and that she likes sex and would not want to go without it, it's just like I said though, she seems sooooo uninterested a lot of the time, and I ALWAYS have to initiate sex. Part of the reason might be because she can't get vaginal orgasms, though I'm a little skeptical of this because I can make her cum giving her head very easily, so she can still orgasm anytime she wants to (although advice from the women here on this would be appreciated). The thing is, a lot of the time she doesn't even want head... she just doesn't care. And this isn't just me, she has told me numerous times that she wishes her sex drive was on par with mine so she could enjoy it more, but neither of us really know how to make the sex better or just how to get her hornier.But again, she would LIKE all of this, but she's fine with the way things are now and doesn't REALLY care one way or the other. The sex we have together is great too, the only real problem with all of this is that sometimes I just want more and I feel like I'm not completely satisfied. I'm 23 and this is the only girl I've slept with, so I never had a crazy youth where I experimented with different girls or anything (I often feel repressed in this way, like maybe if I had sex a bunch in high school it would be better). There's been a few times in the past where she actually got really horny, usually it was when we were drunk or on acid, and those times she would beg for me to fuck her, and moan and say "yes" and stuff all the time, and it was just such a HUGE turn on for me and made the sex 100X better. Normally the sex is still great, those few times though just gave me a glimpse at what sex would be like if she was horny like that more often, and I can't help but feel like we're both missing out. I always always hear stories of other couples just not being able to keep their hands off each other and end up having sex in public or something like that, which to me sounds REALLY hot but stuff like that isn't appealing to my GF at all. So, I'm really just wondering several things. 1. Does anyone have any similar experiences like this, and does anyone have any suggestions on how to get her hornier? 2. Should I pursue sex outside of our relationship? My girlfriend and I have already talked about how we wouldn't mind if we sleep with other people as long as we're safe and tell the other one about it. That sort of sounds appealing to me, mostly because this is the ONLY girl I've had sex with and I'm 23 and want to enjoy being young while I can. But on the other hand, I'm pretty socially awkward, so it would be hard for me to get casual sex from someone (I honestly wouldn't even know how to start), and even if I did manage to get someone in bed I have a feeling it would be so awkward I wouldn't even like it (also, sex with condoms=bleck. Not a huge issue, but still). 3. I've suggested to her trying to stimulate her clitoris during sex, and she's open to that, but again, she doesn't seem to really care either way. She's told me numerous times that she's open to trying just about anything, it's just that she personally isn't interested in trying anything new or exciting. But has anyone else here been with a girl who couldn't get vaginal orgasms and tried stimulating her clit DURING sex? I've looked at a few small vibrators and stuff, but I really don't know what the best way to do this is, so any suggestions on the best way(s) to do this would be much appreciated. Sorry for the long read, and thanks in advance for any help!
If this is as good as it gets for you, then it does not bode well for the future of the relationship. Lacking in sex is like lacking in oxygen. No one gives it a thought, but take it even partially away, and you feel like you are dying. Google "I live in a sexless marriage" and spend some time reading people's experiences on how sex started out great, but is now hardly had. And the pain they are in. It sounds like you are in love, and that is great; however, are you two compatible in sex and other areas? Do you each make each other happy and fulfilled without really putting forth effort? When the relationship gets difficult, as all do from time to time, the effort one partner is putting in to fulfill the other is the first thing that goes out the window. I cannot answer that question for you, only you can do that. I can say living in a sexless marriage sucks! And mine started out with sex 25 ways form Sunday! And the only kind of sexual release some get, including me, is barely a step above masturbation. You are young and inexperienced. Please get yourself some experience before making a huge commitment one way or the other.
*Also to ROLLINGALONG: So having a great but not incredible sex life means we can never end up happily together? I'm sorry, but what? :smilielol5: We have great sex but I feel like it could be better, so we're looking for ways to improve it. Not because we hate our sex life, not because we're miserable, just because why the hell wouldn't we if there's something easy we can do to make it even better? Wanting to improve your sex life is in no way a reason to end an amazing relationship. Maybe I care about sex a lot less than you, but even if my GF could never have sex again, I would still stay with her without hesitation. I'm sorry, but how could anyone be in a serious relationship if that's your attitude? When you're in love and have a problem you should talk about it and work it out instead of just assuming your relationship is doomed and giving up. And my problem isn't really a problem like I said, I'm just trying to improve things. As I've made clear it would be nice if things were better, but if everything stayed exactly the same I'd still be happy. Experience with relationships or sex? Because I don't see how the former would help my situation in the least, and the latter I already addressed in my original post. If I want to I can go out and fuck anyone I can, I just really don't know if that would improve anything. Really if anything, I just think having sex with a bunch of different people would be fun and a nice experience, but it wouldn't really help this situation at all. And also, a commitment to what? To the girl I live with? So you're saying that because the sex we have doesn't completely and utterly blow my mind every single time I shouldn't get serious with my GF who I love more than anything in every single way? Again, how important is sex to you? I'm never going to leave the best friend I've ever had even if the sex was bad, and it's not even anywhere near bad.
of course you can still be happy without sex you just cant be sexually happy without sex if you are prepared for that life then i wish you all the best.... as devils advocate i say you will be cheating on her soon as you meet a babe that really really likes to fuck
Well thanks to Leila_xo at least. I was thinking about trying something like that, obviously the hard part though is actually finding something that works and is safe. I'll check out your suggestions. As for everyone else, I showed this thread to my girlfriend and had a good laugh, so thanks for that at least. I like how "I'd like to improve sex with my GF a little" for some people read as "OMG I'm heading towards a sexless marriage and I hate my relationship, help!!!".
Well as I said, we have an open relationship so if I do meet a girl who likes to fuck I'll have fun with her and my girlfriend will be happy I'm getting laid more. I would not "cheat" on her... in fact she'd probably join us since she's told me several times she'd be into having a threesome if the opportunity ever came up. We don't believe sexual frustration is at all a valid reason to break up, if either of us want sex outside of our relationship we're welcome to pursue it. And neither of us believe in marriage, so if we ever do become unhappy we can just walk away without any legal complications. I get the feeling you didn't read my original post or you're applying your own experiences and beliefs about relationships to my life even it sounds like our love lives are very very different.
"... She is just so uninterested in sex." That is what I see as the crux of the relationship issue. Now you are revising things. I really will not engage in an argument with you. I am sharing my experiences, and a majority of the men I know. As I said, my wife, when she was my girlfriend, gave me sex 25 ways from Sunday. Oral, anal, straight PIV multiple times a day, she was excited about that. At least that is what she had me think. I thought she liked it. Once married, she now says sex is now degrading and she sulks if I even ask for a hand job. She gets pissed off at me when I beg her to give her oral sex, and that is after she orgasms! And I don't even dare to ask for reciprocation. This all started out with her being a lynx in bed! Maybe my experience is coloring my attitude, but please, at least consider what I am saying. There may be some truth to it. You are looking for ways to improve sex, she is going along silently to keep the other aspects of the relationship with you. Is she actively trying to improve your sex life (frequency/experiences/etc. ...). I think not. Sometimes, love is just not enough. Sometimes, it may be. My best wishes for you and I hope you find your happiness!
Just how many of you guys have a female partner that often initiates sex or asks you for it ? Why do some woman choose not to show they want sex or ask for it because they prefer their partner to instead for some reason? Do males have more sex drive than their female partners do ? Or do some woman just not like making the first move to get it?
