How important is sex in a relationship?

I do think it is important but not necessarily important enough to end a relationship over.

If for medical reason it became an issue I would not seek outside fulfillment. There are many other ways to be intimate sexually without intercourse.

While not the only factor in relationships it tends to be a indicator if it is not going well sexually that the relationship often is not going well. More often as a by product of a bad relationship. It is difficult to feel intimacy when other factors are not going well.

 

Cool. I agree now that you've clarified and made a distinction between the two concepts.

It's one of those debatable gray areas for sure. But I so happen to agree with your response.

And I also want to add that the wrongness or danger has to do with a feeling's affect on outward actions and treatment of other people, whether it'd be passive aggressive actions or not.

 

I wouldn't want to be in a marriage or a relationship with a woman if there no sort of sex at all - unless we were either far to old or illness made it impossible. I would want to find someone I liked enough to have casual sex with occasionally if I were able to & they were willing to satisfy some or all of my sexual desires.

 

Very important. It isn't everything, but it is very important.

Sex is very important, if one of the partners has some sex drive. If both are indifferent about sex, then, of course, sex bears no importance at all.

 

I just think you have low libido.

Make sure you have a regular aerobic exercise at least every second day, avoid stress, go off the pill and any other hormones or medication, and 6 months or so after that go to your doctor for a thorough check-up.
Find some books on sexuality, the psychology behind it, etc.
Focus on your emotional connection to your partner and other people and write about it.
During this time observe any changes to your libido or arousal and write them down as well.
I think you will have some answers after that.

I also wouldn't have any sex when not interested, but that's something you have to figure out on your own, since you're in a relationship.

 

That would depend on the people in the relationship. Two sexually driven people would say very important. An asexual person with someone who likes sex would be different for each person in that relationship. Two asexual people would rate sex at the bottom of their list of important things.

The answer would also be different with each person depending where they are in life. In my experience, sex was a need, not a want, until around 40. After 40, it's a want, I don't need sex now at 48.

This is getting off-topic but I've never felt so free as I currently am without the biological need for sex. It was an eye-opening self-discovery for me to percieve myself as I was: biologically (sexually) driven. My biology determined my behavior.

I always thought of myself as free; but I wasn't.

 

True.

That's the beauty of an open marriage.

 

Ok well.. When it comes to that kind of stuff I feel like a deer caught in the head lights I'm like don't know what to do with myself. I've never undressed anyone. I've never wanted to see anyone naked. I can barely even look at someone when we're doing it. Having sex with me must be the weirdest thing. I'm not interested in open relationships I think they're kind of selfish, not that I am judging anyone or their lifestyle it is just definitely not for me. Or maybe an open marriage for my husband? But that wouldn't make me feel very good either. Uuugghh I hate sex it's so stupid!

 

how can it be stupid faelixx, its a very intimate thing

 

Faelixx.....everything takes experience, but you gotta start somewhere. One place to start is being uninhibited about the bodys' senses. So, go have a body massage.

 

Very, very important. It bonds and connects people. It also relieves stress and boosts self-esteem. Sex is awesome.

 

I realized I never outright answered this question.

On average, a lack of sex and enthusiasm about it destroys most romantic relationships. There are exceptions but I find asexual relationships rare to come across among people.

It's a 10/10 on the importance scale.

 

You did a good thing stopping him. If you are not sure about something, you definitely shouldn't do it. Also, congratulations on not sleeping with another person while you are in a relationship.
You will figure it all out

 

go by youre own instincts faelixx

 

Reading over this, I kinda feel bad about everyone including myself suggesting that maybe something is wrong - truth be told most people in general enjoy sex but there are a few who just aren't into it and never will be. Perhaps you're one of the latter, nothing wrong with being asexual.

 

For us it is extremely important. But as swingers who occasionally play separately it helps our relationship if we are away from home for work. When we are back together the sex is just so much better between us. I think because although sex is great fun with someone else, my girlfriend & I know exactly where each other's 'hot buttons' are and when to push them!

 

Ok this is my first post here and joined because I just need to vent and have some insight on sex and relationships. Hopefully I am choosing the right thread for this. I indeed think sex is extremely important in a relationship and didn't realize it until I was married. Here's why...

Before we were married, actually before we lived together we would have sex nearly every day. The sex was great. Different positions,places, it was sporadic and fun. However, once I moved in and now married, sex is damn near non-existent. It's almost like he was putting on a show until he "got me" so to speak. Now we have sex maybe once a month and its pretty much scheduled - like he'll say let's have sex tomorrow. I'm thinking, "what is it you're doing now?" And it sucks! I feel like I can't talk to him about it either. Every time I have brought it up he gives me some excuse like its dry and cracked or he's said he was depressed its always something different but how come it was good before?

Also, I have not changed during this time. It's not like I have gained any weight or let myself go to where I've become un-attractive or anything.

I used to think people who cheated were so horrible and didn't understand how they could do such a thing. Now I understand, but only when the other party is unwilling to "perform" not just because they want to go elsewhere. I would never want to cheat but it does cross my mind. I just feel I miss and need the touch, feel, passion, the feel of being wanted and desired. Instead I just find him jerking off to porn in the bathroom. Like is that it? You have an attractive wife right there ready and willing but you'd rather stand there with your right hand and a video? I mean I understand guys are going to do that but it shouldn't replace the real thing, should it?

I really feel like this is affecting our relationship and he just doesn't get it or care I don't know. Anyhow, if anyone read this novel thanks for "hearing" my rant and any insight is much appreciated.

P.S. I am the woman! Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Lol

 

Sorry to write again (as if I didn't write enough before) but this seriously sums it up for me. It's the emotional aspect that I desire, not necessarily the act of.

 

when we first go married it was very very important. 20+ years later it's very important. If that makes sense

 

Is he really depressed? Stressed? Talk to him about that and figure out what is causing it and how to change it. There is nothing wrong with scheduled sex. When you have a busy life it is often much easier and less frustrating than just waiting for the right time

Do you have any other problems besides sex, anything that is annoying or frustrating for one of you?