Hi all.im new here and I'm looking for some advice.ill start off with saying that I'm legally divorced from my wife we have two great kids.i guess my issue is my ex being a pita like everyone else's ex knit picking about everything,harassing me,name calling the works which I put up with. My problem I guess is that everytime there's a hiccup in her life drama unflolds and becomes everybody's problem including mine and my immediate family...my mother and father. This months problem is an issue between my exwife and her fiancée.he has asked her for a short term break and asked for my ex and my kids to move out of his house. So she has moved out of his house and moved in with my mother. Is this right?should I be p'od with her and or my mother? I asked my mother what the heck she is doing ,she replied they kids and my ex are a package and she's doing it in the best interest of my kids. I replied back to both my exwife with my thoughts stating that my kids should be with me if my ex can not support for them and my ex should live elsewhere. Am I wrong here?i just feel that a line really has been crossed.
My advice is to take it easy. Don't make your mom mad. Don't force her to choose. She might alienate you. I've seen it happen to families.
I don't think that parents should interfere in the personal matters of their adult children. legally, however, I don't think that there is much you can do other than to fight a custody battle in court. probably not worth it. family counseling maybe?
I personally think that your mother did the right thing. The reason being that your relationship with your ex-wife really doesn't sound great to begin with from the way you describe it. Perhaps your mother feels it best that you and your ex kept a certain distance as much as possible to maintain at least some order? At least she's YOUR mom, not your ex's. She loves you no matter what, and she loves her grandchildren no matter what. I think that's why she's doing what she's doing. You say she's doing it for the best interest of the kids which I think is right, but I think she's also doing that because they are YOUR kids. Plus, think about it for a second. If you came into the picture trying to get your kids, your ex might have a problem with it which might turn into something ugly(which is just the impression I'm getting from your initial post. I might be wrong). I really don't think your kids need that. They aren't things you can toss back and forth. They are living beings still in the very process of developing into solid individuals. I'm sure you understand fully well that your divorce is affecting them as it is. Try not to make it any worse by fighting over them. That's got to be hard on the kids. That's what I think, anyway.
Hey everyone thanks for the replies.good to get some outside feedback. Maybe something I should mention is my custody of my children there is no problem there at all.my ex and I both agreed my kids would reside with her and I have access to them anytime I like. I just thought it would make more sense for my kids to stay with me while my ex gets herself together. My mother on the other hand,I love her i always will but I feel her bitterness toward me and has been this way since I left my ex.my mother has since favored my ex.this reason my mother has stated that kids should stay t her house with my ex. There is no current legal matter nor do I want any but my ex is constantly in my family business with my mother favoring her .im kind of having a end of the rope feeling with both of them. The both of them cause me so much stress that some days I self medicate and I'm considering severing communication with both altogether. Maybe something I should mention is I'm not a drug addict,a drunk or a gambler I work very hard and long days to support myself and my family.just thought I'd mention that if anyone might have thought I maybe unfit due to my statement about self medicating.lol
I dont get.what the problem is, especially if there arent any custody, financial battles. How old are the.kids? You cant expect her not to be like that with her grand kids. Does sound a lot better than some situations you could have gotten yourself in If you have your own place then just get another girlfriend who will 'accidently' forget birth control and you can have two sets, itll will be like The Brady Bunch and your mum can be Alice
I have a question about one detail about the current situation, is she staying with your parents for the duration of her fiancee's "short term break" or is she staying there until she can find housing for her and the kids? How soon do you think she will find her own place. What is best for the kids? Being taken away from their home (fiancee's house) and living with their mom somewhere else or being taken away from both their home and their mom? Fiancee sounds like he's not a good potential step-dad for the kids. He needs a break, so his plan is for the kids to go from their home and friends to he-dont-know-where, rather than him staying in a motel for a bit. It sounds like the well-being of the kids isn't a high priority for him. Should you be P.O.ed with your parents? No. They are providing as much stability for the kids as they can. Should you be P.O.ed with your ex-wife? Yes. What was she thinking moving the kids into the finacee's house? What was she thinking connecting with this guy before making sure that he cared about the kids? Your ex doesn't plan well and enjoys the drama that results. But you're stuck with her until the kids are 18. (Don't complain, you picked her.) Do what you can to give the kids as much of a stable situation as possible.
My ex and my kids are only staying at my mothers house for a a short trrm period. I guess I just wasnt sure about the whole situation as it was dropped on me.this seems to be the way with my ex she does what is best for her and everyone else pays the price. As far as what would be best for my kids,thats why im choked about it,they have thier own things in thier own room at my house where they come to regularly which I think is better than staying altogethet in one room for the break.
^^ If you are the stable one between you and your ex, you should try to get custody. It sounds like your ex gets along with you pretty well. (At least well enough to stay with your mom.) Talk to her about the bad effect of the kids moving here and moving there. Offer to give them a stable place until she finds a stable situation. Don't mention this to her, but ask yourself if she would be happier if she could go partying without having to deal with the kids. (Be honest with yourself. Is that the real her, not the "bitch who divorced me" that you are angry with.) You might even offer to keep paying child support, even though they are living with you.
I just try to get along with her the best I can.she enjoys annoying me as I am the one who walked out on her.she is the angry one that loves creating drama and disruption and uses both of my parents to do so. When my kids are grown I will have zero contact with her.
I guess as stated ill just have to put up with her.at least until,im hoping my kids can make thier own decisions and come and live with me.
