How much is too much?

Hello everyone,

I've got an important question to ask you all; How much porn (and masturbation I suppose) is too much when you're in a long term relationship? Naturally, the question requires me to give you a few details about my life.

I have been with my girlfriend for six years. We met as young teens and have now reached college age. At no point have we lived together, and we usually see each other once a week, sometimes once a fortnight. I feel the best aspect of our relationship is the companionship; She feels like such a good friend to me. Of course, I also find her attractive, and our sex life is satisfying, considering we don't see each other as much as we'd like.

However, we are split on the issue of porn and masturbation. If left to my own devices, I would masturbate and watch porn every day. The only exception would be when sex with her is available; on those occasions I haven't felt the need. I am aware she feels dejected by my activities, she believes I watch porn and masturbate frequently because she is not attractive/does not satisfy me. I tell her this isn't true...For now she has gone quiet on the issue, knowing how prevalent it is with young guys, but I can tell she doesn't like it.

The frequent porn/masturbation does not affect any other aspect of the relationship, or my life. I perform reasonably well in bed (no ED or premature ejaculation), I have achieved good grades throughout my academic career, and if I have things to do, I will not simply watch porn and masturbate instead. It is reserved for times when I have nothing else to do.

So guys, have I got a problem?

 

absolutely not. I fap like 3 times a day to porn and I get all my shit done. communicate about it, it's a natural urge. It's not her attractiveness that is the matter, it's the natural male need for sexual stimulation that is the matter.

 

yes...you have a problem



no one uses the word "fortnight" anymore

 

They do in the UK.

 

I don't think so, but then again you sound like you're in good health and your in your early to mid 20's if not younger, so I doubt erectile dysfunction will happen at your age anyhow.

But you don't sound addicted to porn, you put your life obligations like your girlfriend and work/school first.

Once you stop doing that, then I think you have a problem that needs addressing, and if this does happen for you in the future the addiction will creep up on you in terms of time spent on it and how much you need it to get in the mood. So just be wary of that.

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If I were you, it would be a don't ask don't tell, keep your porn out of sight from your girlfriend. I think it's perfectly reasonable since you guys aren't together super often and your sexual needs aren't met.

 

Look dude at your age punching the munchkin like it's a hate crime is perfectly natural. Porn no porn whatever. At your age both you and your girlfriend both have a limited view of sexuality. I seem to remember at 26 living with a girl of 21 who thought I loved the movies "The Big Lebowski" and "9mm" because I was obsessed with porn. We were also fucking twice a day and I was jacking off at least once in between. She was just a little naive.

I miss that stamina.

C/S,
Rev J

 

every day is too much in long term basis

 

Ever seen the episode of family guy where Quagmire discovers internet porn? Anything less than that and you are fine

 

Stop just after you go blind. Hell, never mind if you have gone blind it is to late.

 

If you weren't using porn, the chances are that you'd only be running scenarios in your mind. In it's own way, that's not really any different to porn - and is as old as masturbation itself (plus, don't forget there have been many examples of sexual scenes on cave wall drawings - prehistoric porn).

 

That's so true. On the occasions I masturbate without porn, I often find my mind drifting on to a number of fantasies that don't always include my girlfriend. I feel I just need to regulate it a little, I don't want it to become a problem when I get older...

But watching porn and masturbating daily at my age is hardly rare, is it?

 

hahahahahaha!

 

Does she ever masturbate? If the answer is yes, than how is that different than your masturbation?
If the answer is no, she (you) just might have a bit bigger problem...

About porn:
I don't know whether your girlfriend is religious or sees porn as something bad and dirty or is just young and needs more confirmation that your relationship is solid and that you desire her.

I personally don't see anything wrong with my partner watching porn as long as our sex life and relationship are good and porn isn't a substitute for real sex.
Some women equate watching porn with cheating or feel betrayed, though.

You really should talk to your girlfriend and figure out how she actually feels about it and why.

 

We have spoken about it at length before, but things were left unresolved. According to her, she perceives my porn watching/frequent masturbation as an indication that I'm not satisfied with the way she looks or our sex life. She also believes porn is quite sleazy, although as an atheist that belief doesn't derive from religion.

She does masturbate, and when I asked her how, she explained that she thinks about our sex to get off, rather than use porn. I find this quite hard to accept, whilst our sex life is definitely not problematic, she's never really been overcome with pleasure...or at least, she doesn't show it.

At this stage, I honestly feel she has quite a low self-esteem, and as a result feels worse knowing I masturbate to other women.

 

Perhaps as a compromise, you could ask your girlfriend to make some videos of herself that you could masturbate to.

 

You're making a couple of mistakes that need not be made at all.

The first is that you aren't taking her for her word that she's telling you the truth about what she's thinking about to get off when she's enjoying herself.

In a sense, you aren't happy with your sex life with her, because even you admitted it's hard for you guys to meet up with your individual schedules and all. But that's not her fault, that's circumstance. Correct me if I'm wrong but if you could would you have sex with her more often than you are now?

On her part, she's wrong assuming that you are not satisfied with her looks. Girls need to understand that a significant portion of the male population is programmed to want variety, to insure maximum survival of their genetic code in possible offspring. In some sense, while the rationale may be different, girls can be the same way, but culture which can/has shape(d) sexual morales.

 

I would definitely have sex with her more often if I could.

 

This seems like a situation where a white lie would solve everything.

 

So at what point is too much porn? And when is it an addiction? I am in a somewhat similar but slightly different situation....

My husband masturbates to porn nearly every day, sometimes more than once. Meanwhile, I am left on the back burner for weeks at a time. I just don't understand and don't know what to do about it. It is really upsetting me but I don't know how to bring it up or talk about it with him (he doesn't know I know this).

 

Funny, all I can think of too is ways to just be a *B* and piss him off and cause a big blowout. Thanks for your advise but the only problem is he never comes to me wanting it....MAYBE once a month and I think it's more as an obligation to me. He could probably care less. I think when he goes to the bathroom to masturbate to his porn I'm going to start cutting off the Internet lol