Newbie, married to conservative wife...ug

A little, yeah. Men are so quick to blame the women. I'm not saying it's never the woman's fault, but men fail to look at themselves. Sex is a very emotional/mental thing for most women. Especially the conservative women, which as OP stated, his wife is. Some of us can turn off the emotional aspect when we want to, and just have sex for the sake of feeling good. Most women aren't that way, and need to be stimulated emotionally before physically.

Think about it. In the beginning stages of a relationship, you're putting in effort to get some, right? Instead of letting time turn sex onto a cat and mouse game, use it to develop mutual desire. Sex shouldn't be something one party is always begging for. Both parties should not only want it, but need it from each other.

 

Mama,
these are observations i have made, from listening to women and not asking the questions.

As i said some of these women have children and the lack of effort into reconciliation is strange, so i wondered if it was a cultural thing or not.

 

I don't think children are a valid reason. Yeah, they're time consuming, and some days they suck the life force right out of you, but the fact remains, if you really want something you'll make it happen.

 

The observations remain the same regardless.

 

Easier said than done, especially on the EDIT you added in and on the moral.

There are cases where a guy does all 1-4, and it doesn't yield that result because the woman is stuck in her mind because of what could be many factors:

1. Work stress

2. Hormonal issues (no outside cause can be attributed to her behavior at that point, causing confusion in the man)

3. The man provided TOO much affection to his partner, and those gestures have lost the ability to convey emotional intimacy. Those gestures are just the new norm and are now expected.

4. Related to #3, she's become so jaded and cynical, any romantic gesture causes her to feel those actions are taken as if it were a transaction for sex. Her perspective, which is technically in her control, kills any romantic gesture attempt by a man that could've indeed been sincere.

Please address some of these observations I've made Mama.

 

If you've already done all of the things listed, then couple's counseling would be the next step. It can be an invaluable tool if you're both committed to improving your relationship. It sounds like neither of you are as happy as you could be.

 

Well luckily I'm not in this situation myself. I was just adding to the conversation because I didn't see this perspective from a guy offered.

But yeah I agree couples counseling is the next step, but my 1-4 scenarios imply a high DANGER ZONE, for inevitable breakup/divorce.

Hopefully the OP isn't in this situation.

 

I see good advice posted; however, that may not be sufficient to salvage the physical intimacy. One must try if one wants to salvage the sex.

I have and do struggle with a "sexless marriage", and it sucks! I've tried all the above. I have accepted and done things for the relationship that have crushed my ego/feelings of self worth. It is not a good place to be in. In my case, my wife admitted to me that she married me when she was not at all aroused by me. When asked why, I was told that she had invested too much time on me. She also told me that she knew sex would always be an issue, as she was not attracted to me and I always wanted sex. Talk about taking the wind out of your sails!

The sexless part could come from emotional drifting apart and could be helped by the recommendations. It could be hormonal, not sure how that is addressed. It could be because of physical ailment or taking mediations (anti-depressants). Or it could be that she just does not want to have sex with you.

I would recommend trying to address all issues. Also, don't just let this slide hoping for better. Hope is not a good strategy. You are not alone in this. If you go to experienceproject website and search "sexless marriage", you will see many stories (from both males and females). Forewarned is forearmed.

My best wishes for you.

 

If the scenarios you posted were the case, I would assume the relationship has run its course, if both aren't willing to get therapy. It's sad, and no one wants to divorce, but sometimes that's the only option left for the mental and emotional well being of those involved.

 

Wow that is harse being with someone that tells you they have never been aroused by you! I could not live that way ever. All the power to you if it is worth it to you to be in that situation though.

 

In a number of cases,
"would assume the relationship has run its course, if both aren't willing to get therapy....."

the therapy was worth less than shit in some of my friends cases.
What then ?

 

Then it would be apparent that both parties are not in it for the long haul. You could either ride it out for however long to see if things change, or end the relationship.

 

Just say to the lady,
" fuck me more frequently or i will have to be going."

You have to remind them!

 

Nope, one party doesn't get it , just thinks something else.

 

There's obviously more to the situation than "fuck me more." If the deep seeded issued don't get handled, then the issue of lack of sex well never be resolved either. If both of them aren't putting in effort, it's not going to work.

I'm not sure if you realize this, but long term relationships take more than just sex to keep them going.

 

End things as you say/

as i said a while back , women don't seem keen on reconciliation despite kids , and other stuff being involved . Men on the other hand complain that women just want to leave , even after they have been the ones screwing around.

 

"Fuck me more ", is a cry for intimacy .
You think men want something else obviously?

Lack of intimacy is heartbreaking for men as well as women.

 

Um, did you read any of my suggestions? I can't even decipher your post, so it's hard to tell what your trying to say.

I'm well aware men are in need of intimacy as well. Did I ever say anything to the contrary? My suggestions were for the benefit of BOTH parties.

Had a woman started this thread, I would have made very similar suggestions. Two way street.

 

*cracks up*

:rofl:

 

Mama,
i am leaving you for ever, we don't communicate and you don't want the things i do.
Even the our dog doesn't greet you when you come home.
The kids complain your always on the net or your never have time for them or just grumpy!
Even the chooks avoid you!