Newbie, married to conservative wife...ug

Thats why you should of made her sign a prenuptial agreement, and as for your kids you can try to explain how she is an unfit mother and you get full custody

 

That's pretty messed up. Just because they're having problems doesn't mean she's an unfit mother.

 

I apologized and shouldn't have assumed shes an unfit mother. It just sounded like she wasn't letting him have any custody, or rather unfair custody. I've seen it all the times where friends mothers are just using the father for child support and alimony, then do nothing with that money for their kid, and treat their kid like shit, and the father is really the better parent. I just think its sick how the judicial system always sides with the mother even though she is wrong, and she instantly starts reffering to them as "her children" and not "his children." anymore

 

I appreciate that. She is a great mother. All her efforts are in motherhood. It's the spouse issue that is a problem. No matter what, I love my child. My child loves his mom. His mom is a good mother to him. I feel guilty thinking that making a life altering decision for my selfish happiness would upset the balance between mom and child. And also leave me to be an every other weekend, every Wednesday dad, while hurting my son would devastate me. I told my wife that if she treats me with disdain/anger/contempt in front of our child, it is over. I cannot have him repeat the unhealthy cycle thinking it is normal (familiar, not normal). So far, she is honoring that. She is a stay at home mom and I think she likes the comfort and financial security.

I also appreciate the guys comments, it just sucks not being appreciated/loved/etc. ... and I appreciate the support.

Heck, this is not a woe is me post. I am the author of my own predicament, and I will ride it out making decisions for the benefit of my son, his mom, and hopefully me. YAHOO - you always have other options. As of now, I choose not to exercise them.

Peace!

 

That's big of you to consider your son in all of this. I've been in some rough relationships, but God have mercy on any man that would try to use my babies as a tool to get revenge on me.

A very good friend of mine went through a really rough divorce a few years ago. They had a lot of problems, and his wife just up and decided she wanted to be with someone else. He has to pay alimony and child support, and he gets his kids Thursdays and every other other weekend. It's hard on him, but ya know what? He's happy. He's now married to an awesome lady that's a fantastic step mom to his three kids. I know divorce is hard on kids (and I'm not saying you should divorce, that's your call), but being a happy dad will make you the best dad possible.

Love and light to you, and I sincerely hope you find all of the happiness you deserve.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And may love flow freely from you to all others in your life and all others to you. IMO, in the end, it is the sharing of love with family and friends that matters the most.

Thanks for your kind words.

 

I hope you get to see your kid as often as you want

 

4 words.

Finger. In. The Butt.

win.

 

I do now because I am married.

 

Seriously, I have to ask, when you where a teenager, did any of these kinds of sentiments even enter you head in regards to your parents?

Video games or playing footy with your mates, stressing about school and schoolwork, avoiding school bullies, fapping to whichever girls you had a crush on, trying to get them to go to the movies with you, getting excited about whichever cool movies are coming out, wondering how you are going to pay for tickets for whichever cool band you want to see, having to get dragged along by the ear for boring family functions.

I ask you, as a teenage male, when the hell did you ever think of shit like this:

Let alone say it? What the deuce?

 

I rarely, if ever, have had those thoughts. My childhood was far from ideal. It was what it was. I am trying to make the best of what I have now without adversely affecting my child. I think I am doing sorta OK.

Peace.

 

good on you mate

 

What ever shit we went thru we must spare our children so they can do better , find happiness, resolution.

My kids surprise me with their efforts.

 

I feel guilty thinking that making a life altering decision for my selfish happiness would upset the balance between mom and child."

Late in the night ...... but can others around you be happy if you are not ?
This is interesting stuff, life is short , people step in our way for no good reason but out of a paranoid reaction to our seeking personal happiness.

 

MAMA, lol, you're a Woman designed by my own heart! This thread brings back some seriously painful memories of a sexless marriage. Rarely is the problem simply one person or the other. A lot of what MAMA(lol, weird typing that knowing I wouldn't be having this convo with the real MAMA) points to this. While I didn't read every reply from the OP throughout this thread because there were so many pieces of advice and questions coming from different directions, just wanted to speak up about what I experienced in a near identical situation. Rarely do two people go through a "Forever" marriage without problems, in fact, problems enable two people to compromise and most know, compromise is a vital KEY to a successful marriage. I don't mean the "You have a Sewing room, I want a man cave" type compromise, but emotional compromises. Don't mistake that for compromising your emotions, absolutely not the same thing. The OP needs to take a seriously Honest assessment in his life, looking closely at what each brings to the table, taking into account, everything that is done to make up the life of this family. Secondly, look at his own products he provides and choose from her list something that equals it. For example, in a once typical household, no so much anymore, the hubby went off to work to provide the money required to support the life and lifestyle they live, while the Wife was home making sure the essentials, cooking, cleaning and Kids were taken care of! While one can absolutely be more labor intensive, the two can be looked at as equaling, or canceling each other out! But working for pay, and Cleaning, cooking and kid care are only part of a life and certainly a minority in all that encompasses a happy home. On the Hubby side, does he have contact with his wife while apart during the day? Does he have any idea what plans outside of routine stuff, did his wife have planned that day? Awareness shows care, period! Do the two of you talk about the day each had when reunited at home in the evening? Silence in this case is never golden. Communicating, about Everything enables communication pertaining to sex simply because you both know you can talk to each other. Yeah yeah, I know, We talk about Everything! Really? Or do you partake in conversations that only pertain to things you are actually interested in. If you take that honest assessment, I think you have a damn good chance to find, at a minimum, a hint to the underlying problem. What a lot of men find is that they are equally responsible for the issues in the marriage. I didn't say all, this isn't the "Holy Grail" fix to all marriage problems, but its something simple with the capability of discovering much! Just know, if the assessment isn't completely honest, it's a complete waste of time. I nailed the problem in my marriage by doing this simple step and I had to make a lifestyle change which resulted in the best intimacy I've ever experienced. Try saying that after being married for 27 years!

 

Lol, thanks BottleFED.

 

Bottle fed,

Good on you.

Honesty has to be experienced and given by both parties in the relationship. Both partners have to be in it with the same goal. Sadly, that is not always the case.

Just some ramblings from a weary and befuddled sojourner in my journey.

Peace.

 

I think I can support happiness of my child by having both parents available at any time (even with the unfulfilllment/unhappiness it brings me). Is it the best, no. Is it better than only having mommy certain days and only having daddy other days, as of now I would say yes.

 

Well said and I agree.

But as a guy I feel that I should say that I think women need to understand the pressures of work situations that their man is in before making sharp critiques about them not giving time into the relationship.

Also just because a woman might have some work experience on her own, doesn't necessarily by default give her standing to counter either, the career experience criticize needs to be equal to what her significant other is experiencing as well.

Otherwise I know that as a guy, I believe they feel insulted, by the notion that they would deal with drama at home AND at work for unfair foundations.

This is compounded when some girlfriends or wives demand certain lifestyles, and don't understand budget finance math behind what a family unit can or can't do. (this applies to husbands as well in the inverse scenario)

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Also I agree, communication is key, as is a good level of self-awareness, and how you are/could be perceived in both what one says and does.

@guys, be aware of where you leave messes, and be neat.