I just want her to be happy,, am I bad?

I'll try and be brief about a dilemma I have concerning my wife and I and a decision I have to make that I don't want to affect our unconventional relationship. I'd appreciate advice form the hip esp. from married women about what I propose to offer her and how they would feel if their husband said the same.

My wife and have been married for 27 yrs. Due to varying reasons (pre dominantly my health) it has been sexless for ten, however I do feel we are close and have a real connection. We talk about almost everything hair, nails, clothes and she has told her other female friends I am her BEST friend. I have heard people call me effeminate behind my back and their right it seems natural to me I can't help myself, but I am not gay, I just like things that are girlie, I don't dress up but cant deny that when I have seen sometimes how pretty my wife has looked, when dressing for work or to go out, I have felt slightly jealous and have been tempted. I do all the housework. laundry, ironing and like to read girls magazines.

I am aware she has had affairs during those ten years (understandably so) but it has always remained a closed issue, we just don't talk about the subject. They have been few but have happened. She is due to go away with her boss on a "course" to Antigua in a couple of months which I am almost certain is not a course but a holiday as the guy concerned is originally from that region.

I want to change the dynamic, I want to be able to talk to her about her lovers, I want to go shopping with her for dresses, underwear and swimsuits, I want to be excited with her about the upcoming holiday, I want her to be open and honest with her BEST friend. But its just a closed book breaching the subject is a totally taboo issue and I don't understand why.

Sometimes I feel that this issue could ultimately be the biggy for our relationship and may just split us up if she's not honest with me. How can I get through to her that what she's done, is doing and is going to do is OK, I want to love her like a best friend should love her.

 

It's one of those things where you just gotta take the plunge and see where things go.

Keeping this bottled up won't solve anything, approach the subject with caution and without accusatory language. This seems more circumstantial, rather than deliberately vindictive on anybody's part; perhaps that'll make the issue a bit easier to breach.

What's unhealthy about you exactly though?

 

Not so much into cuckolding but would like to hear about her "friends" in a healthy way, just wish she could talk to me about her sex life openly.

My health issues,,, croans disease impotence caused by long term medication.

 

My relationship with my "estranged husband" is like that. We've been separated, and friendly, under the same roof for over 5 years.

We were married in '99 and opened our marriage in '05. In early '08, due to lots of reasons, we dissolved the romantic aspect of our marriage and took separate bedrooms.

Due to his health, he hasn't had any relationship since that time period. He doesn't want one. He is focused on our helping to raise our grandchildren and the rest of his time is spent dealing with his chronic pain.

We are friends only now and there is no jealousy on his part when I'm involved with someone else.

He is happy to see me happy.

 

perhaps if you put it all in writing and ask her to read it? You seem to have a strong bond which has survived everything so far..

 

Don't sound like you and your wife are on the same wave lengths. But you need to speak openly. Open relationships can be fine, even if it is one sided. But she needs to be honest with you. After 27 years, you should know each other well.

 

Is it honesty that you want between you or do you just want to hear about the sex?

She'd probably find the latter pretty creepy.

 

Couldnt you pop a viagra once in awhile? Or do you suffer heart issues that would prevent that?
If i were to go impotent today, i'd be popping little blue pills like skittles by tonight.

 

yes i would like to hear about the sex part, I do get a kick from that and I get precious few of those,, but it's not just that, I know it sounds a bit girlie but i want to hear it all, everything how it all went ect. so maybe it's honesty too.

 

I am guessing that she still sees what she is doing as cheating and just does not want to discuss it with you . You might either try oral on her , or as a lot of guys do watch porn .

 

Don't think you'll will be able to advise now guys as actions are out of the question now as she's out of the country tomorrow. I am very grateful for your advice though, all of you, it has helped me to get through this.

We went shopping last weekend like we always do but with the added excitement of her pending trip. She bought a couple of lovely dresses and some really nice swimsuits and bikinis. We then went to a lingerie boutique where she bought some new underwear, it was there when I really wanted to say "I bet Kevin (her boss) will really like that" it was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't. We where then on the way back to the car when we passed one of these shops that's like a sex shop but not quite, if that makes sense, and she noticed a sexy baby doll night dress in the window. She said she liked it, so we went in. As she was admiring it and feeling the material it on the dummy I couldn't contain myself any longer. I just blurted out "Kevin will really love you in that!!" She just stood there for what seemed like ages without moving just feeling the cotton nightie and looking up at it, so I broke the silence and said "plus cottons going to be nice in that climate isn't it?" at this point she glared at me and after a long pause said, "and would you like to wear it?"

She stormed back to the car without saying a word, I scurried as fast as I could trying to keep all her purchases together. The next 24hrs were horrible, just row after row she accused me of all sorts, being gay (untrue)not being man enough to STOP HER of having affairs, I tried to say I was OK about her having a sex life, tried to say I liked looking after her, but she was having none of it. Just went on and on about her needing sex and it was all my fault! I didn't know what to do, even contemplated suicide at one point (no worries I'm definitely not brave enough)as I couldn't take much more.

She went to work on Monday still not talking, not knowing what to do I went to the shop to buy the baby doll to give her when she returned. She came home at the normal time in what seemed another horrible mood slammed her car keys and handbag on the kitchen top and said "we need to talk." Before she could say anymore I presented her with the gift wrapped baby doll and said "I want you to enjoy this" She opened it and instantly broke down in floods of tears. As she sobbed she said "why couldn't I have just left things as they were" she said she didn't want "things" out in the open. We were both crying and I tried to explain it was because I loved her and I wanted her to be happy and enjoy a sex life with whoever she choose.

She said she'd been sleeping with her boss for a couple of years and was angry that I knew but hadn't said anything. I couldn't believe how naïve she thought I was but didn't say that. I reassured her that I was OK with it and had comfort from looking after her, I liked being her friend, I liked doing the domestic stuff whilst she went out and enjoyed life. I just wished I was more her confidant, I said I wanted her to tell me everything. Which now looking back sort of left me wide open because she said she would from now on but I was to tell her everything. She asked me if I liked wearing women's clothes which I admitted, then she asked me if I had any affairs, I said I wouldn't ever do that, she said because she had affairs didn't mean I could, (not an easy one for an impotent) what my sexual fantasies & desires were centred around,, which I duly told her about. (don't really want to put those on here,, unless I'm asked)

The next few days were a bit mixed emotions really but she did buy me a couple of nighties that I wore and we do still sleep and cuddle together a lot but she seems to slip to easily from one mood to another and on the dark side she can be quite nasty, depressing and negative about our relationship. Sometimes I'm glad it's all out in the open but then I'm so worried she won't be coming back to me and the worst part is I won't know for two weeks.

Help Guys ................................

 

Wow! Thanks for the honesty if they're all true. I think you need professional guidance...

 

You know what...when I first read this thread I wasn't 100% sure if this was real (because I doubt most stuff on certain forums here, lol)..but after reading the update, I just wanna say I believe it all and I find it very sad.
Good luck!

 

She sounds like a complete cuntrag

 

I know.

What she's being though (other than a royal ****), is hurt (I can sense the hurt in her words about her wishing he would have said something/stopped her...whatever...) and also, more so than hurt, she's pissed off that she was found out and deflecting and acting immature about it because she didn't think he knew. it seems really...dysfunctional (coming from her end..).

 

Not sure what you want people to say,,,

Your worried that she has left you, if she has then I agree she should have told you, but do you know for sure that her lover wants her perm?

But then on the other hand you've laid your cards on the table, you had to, from the sounds of it you couldn't continue the way you were. Look she's living with her best friend who enjoys looking after for her and wants to be excited with her about her affairs! Why would she leave you? There are 1000's of bored married women out there who would love to be in her position, lovers with husbands approval, holidays abroad, housework done, jeeps she's got it good!

Look I knew a woman who had a cross dressing husband he said he felt calm and relaxed whilst dressed up, why don't you go and buy some nice stuff (or a nice frilly maids outfit if that's what you want and I think you probably do) a play house maid whilst your there on your own?

Is it the submissive girlie housemaid thing your after?

When does she get back?

 

Like airieanne's husband,what I want more than anything is for her to be happy and content in our friendship.

Is it the submissive girlie housemaid thing I'm after,,,,, that's a toughie.... honestly yes I'd love to be her housemaid uniform et all but,
1. I work so looking after being her PA 24/7 couldn't happen,
2. She's not really a dominant personality
3. I doubt very much she'd be happy with me wearing women's clothes 24/7. (although more dominant personality than me and she does make all the decisions concerning us)

She's back next weekend

 

Arieanne,, is there anyway I can contact you if you don't mind, about this subject? Tried PM..ing you but cant