I've abused women, hurt animals but still good person

Hey.

I have done some things in life I regret, and sometimes gone over the line.

But overall I think I am a pretty good bloke, tolerant and support of others.

There was one woman I lived with, she was very provocative, and she would know how to press my buttom, and I'd get angry and WALK AWAY, and she would follow me going ON AND ON.

Well I lost my temper on some occasions with her.

Various times threatened her with horrendous violence, and screamed abuse and vicious putdowns.

One time grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the wall. I felt like I was going to completely crack and wanted to beat her severely, but I walk off, kicked a hole in the wall, and decided to kick her out of my house on that occasion.

Despite those incidents most the time we got along well, its just she had a way of really getting to me, and I was experiencing a lot of serious stress from various severe injustices in my life.

I'm not proud of losing my temper but it happened, I am not the devil.

In fact she has matured, I have made progress at find peace with various issues, and we live together now and get along fine.

On some occasions I have also got violent with animals, and really lost it. Very rarely but on a couple of occasions its happened, although not for years. I am not happy with this, but neither am I perfect.

I am not generally aggressive or abuse at all. In fact this woman is the only woman that has ever managed to get me so angry.

These days various issues have settled down in my life, and I am quite placid, basically never angry.

Truth is while its not good to threaten, viciously insult or get physical with women, sometimes in the context of things it can be understood, and does not always represent some persistent sociopathic, "abusive personality" profile in the person who does these things.

Don't get me wrong, in general I hate guys that hurt women. There are some nutcases abusers out there, but sometimes even the good guys get pushed too far and lose their cool.

What do you people think?

 

It's not sociopathic, but you really should look into whether you and/or your girlfriend have another type of emotional disorder.

There is obviously problems in communication to the point where it gets physical.


Rarely can people be defined as good or evil, at least not with the stereotypical connotations that come with the words.

Rather each individual action should be looked at to measure in the moment if it is a good or bad thing to be doing. What are the motivations behind it and what are the consequences.



Are they selfish or selfless actions/motives.

Am I stuck in a forced this or that option where if I just calm down, would I see a 3rd option or more.

 

anger management and other counseling

 

Worse than hurting humans, which can leave or report someone--is hurting animals that just want love. Get some counseling, man. Get some counseling.

 

I'm assuming this post is legitimate. You seriously need counseling. You also need to stop blaming others for these things, and stop making excuses.

In the matter of your girlfriend, I'm not excusing her behavior in the least, but your response was completely out of line, no matter what she did or said.

It has nothing to do with being "evil" or the "devil". It has to do with your behavior. What you think is irrelevant compared to what you do. I don't care what your "personality" is ... I care about the way you act.

A good person acts good ... just saying you're a "good person" means nothing.

Please get counseling.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Admitting to your faults is a first step. Now get yourself some counseling!

 

Counselling solves everything apparently

 

Are you making this thread because it's been troubling you?

I think sometimes, people do deserve to get beaten; whether they are spouses, children, customers. Sometimes, people are just begging for extreme discipline. I just don't think it's good for a person to play into their behavior.

It's good you got out of that relationship, a much better solution.

The animals though; that's not cool. It bothers me that you haven't given more detail. Makes me wonder what you haven't said.

 

I think the absolute zero tolerance to violence towards women is a bit odd when there seems to be no real problem with male on male violence! Women should surely not be entirely immune

Anyway erm, some women (and some people) can really annoy me too so I know the feeling.

I think the trick is to try to ensure that these things never happen again. You can't change the past, only the future, after all

 

Excellent Post......:2thumbsup:



Cheers Glen.

 

This thread title is an oxymoron.

 

You hurt animals? You are a horrible person and I hope something that much bigger than you pays you back just the same. Cowardice pussy is a term that comes to mind.

 

Ok. I went and re-read the entire post wisedude. So here goes.


I know we all have made more than our fair share of mistakes, wisedude.


And it's good that you see yourself as a good person, but even better if you really are. But considering what you've said here...I dunno. Let me give you some feedback from my former-self. Since I have had similar feelings years ago, let me group this as “us” and “we”.


Many of us have been in relationships, very similar to what you have described. And ideally, you took the best action- you walked away. Yeah, I know. Women sometimes don’t know WHEN to shut up. But then again, sometimes us guys have that same problem.


Controlling one’s temper is a skill that some find second nature, whereas some of us find twising other people heads off and pissing down their throats more suitable. Even then control is a learnable skill. When we get mad it is not uncommon for us to speak in terms that we understand, expressing our anger. And that shows the environment in which we’re raised in. You and I it seems both come from a violent past. I hate that part of my past as well, but there is nothing I can do about it but learn from it. Hell, it wasn’t my fault. Was yours? As a child likely not. We, as children, have no way to really know what it is we’re doing. Yeah we know how to provoke and get a response, but as children we’re looking at the here and the now, rarely what will come from it further down the road. A skill we learned as we got older.


I take a great deal of pride in walking away and never striking my spouse. She, on the other hand, hit me a few times to get a reaction from me. She was my first wife, I was her third husband. What I saw in her was her striking out and doing what she could to get ANY reaction from me as she was used to...violence. But at no point does that ever permit me to be violent with her. Well, I suppose if she was coming at me with a weapon with the intent to do harm, yes. But how often does that happen, wisedude? No where near as often as abuse men play it out to be when they beat their spouses.


In some instances we crack. When you have actual physical contact with her in anger, you cracked. It happens. we can only stop ourselves when we realize that is what we are doing, remove ourselves from the situation until we’ve cooled off, and then after recognizing what caused us to crack, we try to prevent this from happening again. To the point of withdrawing earlier in the conflict if need be.


As for the injustices in your life, all you can do is recognize it for what it truly is, whatever that may be, and “suck it up like a man” and carry on with living. Because taking our past issues out on those that had nothing to do with the traumas we experienced does nothing more than victimizing others as we feel we have been. essentially a “Person A abused me in this manner, so I’m now going to abuse Person B and Person C in a similar manner so they know how I feel.” situation which happens, it is normal for those such as us that have been severely traumatized, but it is still unacceptable and we must work hard to prevent ourselves from taking it out onto others. Since Person A hurt you, deal with Person A. Not anyone else. Deal with Person A for issues Person A is responsible for, and deal with Person B for issues Person B is responsible for. Do not mix and match. That is not acceptable, period.


Wisedude I’m not sure anyone really is proud they lost their temper. It’s humiliating to see what we become when we lose control, to the point many people will claim they “black out”, because they don’t want to remember the feeling they had, the emotions they felt, the physical pain they felt and/or caused, or what they saw as a result. And no one here is judging you any further than you allow.


This I have difficulty with. I can’t really put it into words right now, but the level of unacceptability is way off the charts here. How would you feel if someone were to come over to you and beat the crap out of you/choke you/try to drown/you or even rape you because of what someone did to them 12,000 miles away on the other side of the planet? That doesn’t even touch the feelings this brings up when I hear of someone beating animals.


From what you have described I’d have to say that you aren’t exactly a sociopath, instead someone with an “emotional response system” that had not developed alone the same or similar timeline as others. That’s not ok, but it happens. And in many cases it’s not your (or my) fault. We’re supposed to learn this as children, and I would have to say it’s the fault of our parents. But then, that is also case-specific.


And to see that you are developing, learning, and growing, is good. And hopefully you can also help others not as emotionally advanced in learning and growing and preventing themselves from committing the abuses.



Now, go fuck yourself.

:rofl:

 

Your logic leaves me speechless.

You're saying that because men are violent toward other men, it's therefore ok for them to be violent toward women, too.

The number of ways men come up with to rationalize abusive behavior is mind-boggling. Wait ... let me modify that. The number of ways that childish, ill-mannered neanderthals come up with to rationalize abusive behavior is mind-boggling.

Real men don't hit women. Ever.

 

I can totally understand the woman thing. Some people are vindictive and vitriolic to the point of being caustic to anyone that gets close to them. Combine that with a man with a temper and yea, shit can happen. Anyone that says some bs like real men don't put their hands on women can't even comprehend the kind of evil and madness that you can be put through by an emotionally disturbed woman. At the very least sometimes you HAVE to physically get them out of your area and if they start hurting you in the process then you have to do something about that. I've never had to do this in my life, thank god, but I can totally understand it, having dealt with evil psycho bitches.

But an adult male abusing animals? What the fuck, man.

 

With the exception of self-defense of course. So no 'ever' here.

And I amend my initial post here, the infliction of pain on animals is a bad sign and indicates that the original poster needs to seek help from therapy and perhaps hospitalization.

 

I find this post/thread really scary. Honestly, it is making me get a bit of chills and tear up a little. The guy who used to... push me into walls and grab my throat and SCARE THE SHIT outta me.. to get me to shut up and do what he wanted me to do--- he had the same attitude as you do in your OP. You aren't a bad person... you aren't abusive.... it's not your fault.. it's not that bad. You just got pushed too far. It's normal. Everyone gets angry. No one ELSE does that to me- it's HER fault.

But THEN...THEN... you go so far as to say (though not elaborate any details) that you have done mean abusive things to animals and then I just start thinking...not only typical, delusional, wife beater... but serial killer/sociopathic material.

Get help. It's not normal.

(please... you MAY actually be a totally amazing person in all other ways and most of the time. I'm not saying you are an evil, terrible person. But I am saying what you said is not normal and it's scary and you don't want to do something you'd regret or scare someone to a whole new level... do it, for yourself or others...)