The Dog House

:iagree:

 

You don't mind talking this over with your best friend (shouldn't your fiance be your best friend?)

Yeah, I agree with this: 'I just need to calm down.'
You didn't do it, which is the important thing, I guess.

Talking seems to be the overwhelming feeling people seem to be having so far...

 

:devil: I know, I was just lightening the mood a little bit... :biker:

 

Yeah of course but I don't believe in bringing every issue to my man. Thats what best girlfriends are for

This is sorted for now.

 

This issue is your man related, though

 

You're right. I wanted to bounce the idea off her and see if it's something she would do. Kind of collect my thoughts before going to him.

 

This is exactly what us girls do. That's totally normal. I do that with my girlfriends too. You just have to make sure you follow up with the fiancé though. Talking it through with your girlfriend won't fix it.

 

What's funny is I'm actually kind of over it now. Venting and bouncing it around got it out of my system.

He also felt really bad about asking me to do it once he realized how disgusting it actually is, and said he just got carried away and wouldn't actually want to envision me doing it. So all is good now.

 

So, while posting you had a talk with him about this? And it's all ok now?
I smell :icon_bs::frown:

 

Only one way to have sorted it, get a dildo, same size as your guys bit! Ram it up his arse, then say, if you now suck this, it will turn me on...watch his face, haha...

 

rofl!

 

Lol yeah he came around. The "doghouse" works for us. I give the cold shoulder and he deals with it when he's ready. Some people don't like the "in your face" confrontational way of dealing with problems. He dealt with it though.

 

As a male, I would have to say the dog house method doesn't work for me either. Yes, it sends the message that you are ticked off, but it isn't resolving anything and you aren't developing any relationship skills in dealing with problems in a healthy manner. Do you really want to be sending your partner to the dog house in 20 years time? Is that what your mother use to do and it is a learnt mechanism? (I ask that sincerely)

I think it is great that you get over things easily and move on. I wish you could teach my wife that fine art. How you react to a lot of circumstances is a choice. His doing something wrong one time is likely to get a light reaction. He does it the tenth time... identical to the first... you are likely to react differently to that same act.

As per the opinions I like, speak to him. Do the usual... when you do/say this, I feel... What I would like is ..... Can you commit to doing (never settle for a commitment to 'try', that is just setting up an escape clause for him, should he cop out).

Leave the dog house to the dog. Your man should be in bed with you at the end of every day!

 

Am currently in the dog house. Stuffed up a couple of days ago. I don't think it was a biggi... but she has decided that it will be a couple of weeks before she thinks she will be in the mood again. Great! By that time I will have my mother staying with me for Christmas! grrrr

 

Hm I should update this.

I recently put my fiancé in the dog house, just two days ago. We got into an argument about lying.

A little back drop, we've both lied to each other in the past. I lied once about where I lived when I first met him. I told him a completely different neighborhood (no better or worse than my own) because I didn't know if he was going to be a creeper or not! Nonetheless I did deceive him.

He lied to me when we first met, about a girl he used to be friends with. He told me he had never liked her. They never dated, but he did eventually tell me that he had crushed on her at one time. So he lied about it always being strictly plutonic for him. He's no longer friends with her because the lie rocked our relationship. I just really can't stand lying. I can take the ugly truth and we can work past it, but don't ever lie to me.

We've gotten over these issues. They occurred like three years ago. And those are the only lies we know we've ever told each other. The other day, we somehow got on the topic of lying. During the conversation he compared his lie to mine, and said they were the same degree. While that may be philosophically correct, in my mind it meant he saw the purpose of his lie harmless and that part threatened my relationship with him. He is pretty damn good at reading me, so he immediately went on the defensive. I've never seen an argument escalate between us so quickly but it did. He was yelling at me, which he never does. He even said he hated me. I know he doesn't. It was really cute because right after, he said "I don't hate you" and sighed like he was defeated. Ha.. anyway.

Even though the fight dissipated as fast as it caught fire, I was upset. And HE told me not to react any further, but to put him in the dog house for comparing the lies. I didn't see a particular need for this because his comment about not hating me made me want to jump his bones…but I decided to test his theory about the dog house to see if it worked.

So I ignored him for 24 hours. I felt really guilty for doing this because it caused unnecessary tension between us. By the time I started talking to him again (last night) he was groggy from a long day at work, depressed about being in the dog house, and just went to bed. I subsequently got drunk. And then he went to work today. I feel like I robbed my relationship of 48 hours of good time, and tonight I felt distant from him. So the desired effect, whatever it was, was not achieved - because I certainly never want to feel distant.

I told him I felt distant, I told him it felt like we hadn't talked in a week. He agreed, and we're not as interested in using the dog house anymore.

 

I would recommend marriage counseling before you two tie the knot...not that I'm an expert in relationships, but that is not a healthy way to problem solve...

 

I said it before and I'll say it again...I don't believe in the dog house theory. It clearly doesn't seem like it works for you guys either. I feel like those lies aren't really worthy of a fight 3 years later. They seem pretty harmless to me. Obviously lying isn't good but it's not like he lied about having a love child with the other girl. It was a crush. You understand you probably aren't the first girl he's ever been interested in, right? No need to be jealous now. You've got him. You "won" so to speak. Why fight about it now? I need to send you my to 10 keys to a happy marriage. I don't mean for any of this to sound disrespectful. I just think there is a lot of growing that your relationship needs to do.

 

Marriage counseling is generally encouraged before marriage, especially between a religious couple. The church typical expects it. So we will probably go through some type of group discussions with other couples.


But we don't need counseling. We came to the conclusion, ourselves, that the dog house wasn't useful, it causes unnecessary strife. Its definitely healthy for me to consider and test out his suggestion. He thought it would be helpful, we found that it wasn't.

 

Exactly what I was thinking, but couldn't figure out a nice way to say it.

Also, I'm totally not trying to sound condescending, but the dog house theory is rather juvenile, imo.

 

Yes, that's what I meant. I'm not saying you two need therapy or anything, but pre marriage counseling will give you the skills you need to deal with these issues in a healthy way.