I am SO sick of my MIL!!! (vent)

Oh my god! My MIL is the most selfish, greedy person I have ever met! She talks behind my back constantly, is constantly whinging about having to do everything herself - yet will NEVER let me help and always finds fault with everything I do when I just help her without asking, and is so fucking greedy!

My partner and I gave her $1500 when we came to stay, another $600 will be hers when my partners tax return comes through, and this morning she announced we should be paying her $50 a week! WTF?! All up including the gifts she demanded us to get her she has been given about $2500 and now wants weekly payments.

Am I missing something? My mother had us to stay for 6 weeks also, wouldn't take a penny, and we just paid for our own food.

This women seriously disgusts me. We saved $10,000 to tide us over until my job starts in Mar and my bf goes into the army for compulsory service the same month. She has taken $2500 already and now wants more. We now have only $5000 left due to various expenses of being here and her constantly wanting shit.

What do I do? Can I slap her?!

 

What does your bf have to say about it. Does he say anything to her about how she is acting?

 

Oh, and yes, by all means slap her.

 

What Was The $1500-00 And $600-00 For, Sounds

Like You Paid Her For Walking Through The Front Door...



Cheers Glen.

 

^ This. Get him to do the slapping and watch how fast she calms down.

 

Got your back, Jack, bitches be crazy

 

Is there more to this? Sounds like you guys may have some 'history' does she think you owe her big-time for something? Otherwise yeah that sucks!

 

So background is -

She sent him overseas from his home country to study from second year of highschool (her decision, NOT his), his dad used to be a director of a photo film company but obviously no one buys photo film anywhere so he lost his job quite a few years ago and the family got into financial trouble. Instead of bringing him home, his mum just started borrowing money from the family to keep him overseas for highschool and uni, now they owe massive debt, although he didn't know that until final year of uni.

At the same time she apparently can't work because 'she gets so tired and stressed'. So the sole source of income is the dad who now has a job that doesn't pay a lot.

The $1500 (which was originally going to be $2000 btw!) was what my boyfriend told me he had to give them. This to be honest was quite hard already for me to swallow because we had been saving for a LONG time. About a year ago all MY savings, tax returns etc were spent supporting him when he took six months to find work. It took us a year of us both saving to get back to where we were, and it was all earned with blood,sweat and tears.

But I thought OK, $1500 and I won't feel bad about living there until March. God knows $1500 is about $1450 more than my own mother has ever asked for to stay at home for a while! Then she asked us for 6 large packs of New Zealand fish oil, a new wallet and a new handbag. That's when I started to worry. Then she asked for $600 once my partners tax return comes through. That's when I started to get pissed.

Then today she demanded $50 a week and that's when I lost my shit.

 

He's so embarrassed but hard for him because of the culture of his country to say no to his mum.

 

He should speak to his parents about this if it is not something that is agreeable to both of you.

To be fair, 50 a week is not a lot of money to pay for lodging and the increase in expenses in power and other things for two extra people living there. You stated they have had a change in earnings so possibly they can not cover the extra amount.

If it is only until March then at least you have an end plan and can move on from this situation.

Hope it works out without a lot of hard feelings.

 

Can't you guys rent a cheap place? Even if it would cost the same or a little more it would give massive satisfaction I bet and probably send a clear message. I already thought this issue had partially to do with cultural behaviour but yeah, how can they demand money back when they kept it a secret when they borrowed money for their son's study. Understandable but stupid. Unless you know your cultural traditions will make your son feel too guilty to say anything of course.

 

I haven't looked at the ins and outs of the economics etc here, but I'll say the following:-

Well I'm not married, but I have had experiences of people who do their level best to be a pain up the arse. I mean family "friends", "friends of friends" in the wider circle, painup the arse interfering fathers of girlfriends etc etc.

I used to b very collision course orientated. Then I became more "I'll try and tolerate it more". Nowadays, I just think "I'll mirror them, and if they are still a prick, I wont bother".

I've come to the conclusion that some people lead such shitty, meaningless lives that they thrive on confrontation. Like they get some sort of thrill out of it. Unfortunately, I can work people out very very quickly. Some people, you cant reason with. So nowadays, I am becoming much more confrontational with them. And they tend to shrivel up like slugs hitting a patch of salt. Or just become "conspicious by their absence".

I'd like to give you some fairy story that everyone can be reasoned with. But
thats as plausible as hiring the Easter Bunny as a hitman. : D

 

Wow that sucks. Is there anyway you can move back in with your mom? If it's going to cost that much to live with your mil you could probably find a small cheap apartment for the same amount you have to pay her in the long run plus you keep your sanity. Or just slap the shit out of her.

 

satan satan everywhere..

 

OF COURSE $50 is reasonable! Hell, I wanted to give them $100 when we first moved in. But she already has $1500 in CASH, $600 more on it' s way, and over $400 worth of gifts and other financial help! So why the fuck should she get another $50?! ('Fuck' not directed at you, Heat lol)

 

Woowwww I can sooo relate.

My fiancés mother is one of the biggest *bleeps* I've ever met. She uses her sons like slaves. She used to have them do everything on their farm and guilt them into helping her constantly. So much so that one of them dropped out of college just to help her and make her feel better. When he first started working outside the house, she would guilt him into giving her money for every little thing. She even made him pay her for leaving the oven on by accident! The biggest thing I hated is that she never befriended them. Never spoke to them, never cared about their wellbeing. She only cared about what she could get from them and pit them against each other to maintain control of them.

Honestly even now, living so far away from her, she makes me mad just knowing the way she treats him. It makes my blood boil.

The best thing I can say is be understanding when your man vents to you. Take a deep breath and try not to react in anger. But don't be a pansy pushover. You don't have to give in and say yes to her every selfish whim.

I try to recommend that he help her but not to our detriment. Make sense?

Also, it sucks not being able to discuss your life with parents. Like how happy you are that you saved 10k that will make your life easier. But maybe keep your financial information to yourself. The second some of my family or my fiancés knows we have extra money, is the minute they come telling us all their problems and asking for it. They know we have better jobs and live in a more expensive city so they're always trying something. Just don't share info about what you have.

 

I hear you and I understand the frustration that goes with this situation and the unfair aspect of expectations on your MIL part.

This is really a no win situation in that if you do not it will cause issues and if you do it will also cause different issues between you and your partner. You are in this current situation and it is regrettable that you need lodgings. I am sure after this experience that if you ever need them again for any reason it will not be where you go next time. I am sure your partner feels so torn at this point and that is really difficult for both of you to deal with.

If you can manage to pay that and it is only until March it might be the lesser of all evils. Not fair but often life is not always fair.

 

easy fix


move out of her house

 

A few people have suggested this, and I know it seems like the most obvious explanation. However, Korean renting systems are not like most places in the world. They require 'key money' which is basically a massive security deposit (min $5000) after which time the rent for a tiny place would be about $400 a month. You get the $5000 back when you move out.

So not a bad deal. And looking back I wish we had done this as right at the start we would have been able to afford it. However his family would have been offended and this seemed like a more sensible option as we would save more money while neither of us have income.

Oh, the benefit of hindsight.

 

Wait wait, wut? You live with her?

So you are basically complaining about having to pay $50 a week board for both of you?