regrets because not having sex in youth :(

Hi. I'm 27 years old and i never had sex. Its not because of my bad look, but because of my low selfconfidence since high scool. Years were flying by and here we are. 27 You will probably say go out and find somebody, but the problem is also those thaughts that are taking all my will to live away. I cant deal with the facts that i lost 12 years of my live and havent experienced nothing. Not going out into the club with friends in young years and party, no kissing, no sex, no one night stands, relationship, travelling. Because of that i dont feel competitive to girls that i like and i feel all are much better then me, on higher level and i'm not good enough for them and all of the people, because i havent alived so much then others, was almost all the time at home and work.

Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i didnt have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i take antidepressants. But nothing cant take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since , were on so many parties and so on. For them its normal to have a penis in their hands or mouth, for me this is science fiction and somebody who is 12 years behind in my opinion can never again be same worth as person who alived all those things in normal years (18-24). Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived. Therefor i dont know what to do, because there is no way out to feel the same worth as those people anymore, that have normal sex live since their high school. To be honest, the best would be this life would be over and i could sleep forever, to not have this fact thoughts every day...

 

That is terribly pessimistic. Sex the first few times is awkward and yes that will be hard to explain to a female that you are a virgin at 27 but I think you are making way too much of it. After you get the hang of sex it's just sex after that. If you been doing it for one year or 30 years there are only so many things that can be done during sex. There is nothing to catch up to, that is all in your head. You do need to get over the obstacle of actually having sex and in your case you may want to consider an escort service. Pay for one that you are attracted to and explain that you are a virgin and that you are nervous and unsure of what to do and that you need to be taught how to please a woman in bed.

Build your confidence up and then get out there and get a nice girl.

 

Don't give up!

 

thx for reply

I know its hard to understand this for you, because sex is for you just a normal thing. For me its something out of this world and i hadn't this normal thing which is like eating or dancing in years which are made for this, 15-18. I can't be same level of person because of this. It hurts too much when watching pictures on facebook from some parties and you know you are not in same league as all those beautiful women (and i like maybe 60-70% of them, so i'm not very picky).

Btw, i am having this thoughts only when i see girls which i find attractive. With girls i dont find attractive i dont care if they have sex or if they are having interesting life. I know this maybe comes from porn, that i am overrating women, but i think its fact that women are more worth then men. Womens body is art and looks beautiful durring every sex positing and whatever they do (and i'm not talking about model women or women with fake breasts, but normal girls). Those girls have more from life, because they have more choice and oportunites because of their beatiful look and i can't reach them. Its the same as if you come to a job interview and there are people with 10 years experience and you are there without education and experience. You are simply not worth the same as those people for employer. And this is only job. Sex is the most important thing in the world, because no other thing is giving such joyful expressions on womens faces like sex. For me this is the proof. Also people split up and cheat because of sex and sex is the most talked theme. Women body durring sex is the biggest art there is...

I'm just a loser in the corner which has nothing to offer. Beautiful women can find a better men on every corner who has better job, car, money, friends, school. This is reality

 

Here, read some of this: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=soulmate

I have to go now. Good luck to you.

 

Your thought patterns are defeating you. If you feel like it, I would suggest reading a book called "as a man thinketh." You can actually find a free version of it in pdf format online. I think this book could be helpful. You need to stop seeing yourself as a loser though. I agree with you that nothing is more beautiful than the female form. Even an average looking woman looks like a work of art when she is naked. However you don't have look at them as something better than you because of that. Being able to appreciate and stimulate a women is what makes being a man so much fun.

So what if it's easier for them to get laid? All you need to concern yourself with is the one that is giving it to you. There are lots of shy and unattractive people getting laid everyday. Telling yourself that you are not worthy of a woman is not healthy at all. I know plenty of jobless fun bums that get laid. I have to think that you exude a lack of confidence because of how you think when you are around women you are attracted to. Like I said, get a hot escort and pay for sex until you get the hang of it. Stop being so hard on yourself. Women are just people.

 

Honestly, sex isn't the "highest thing in life"

It seems that way as a virgin, I know. I was a virgin for some time too. Sex is cool, it is, but really, it's just what you'd imagine it to be really...

As for lack of exciting experiences... first of all of course it's never too late. But also, I think you underestimate the variety of people out there. True in some areas everyone has been out wasted and clubbing or whatever but that doesn't apply all over the world or to every last person. There are a lot of people who are very indoorsy and shy... there are people like almost anything you can imagine

Also... any girl that judges you by the number of clubs you've been to or previous women you've been with isn't worth it, is she?

So yeah man, don't judge yourself so much, you're all good, dude!

 

This can be a problem, indeed. If you're looking for people out of your league, you may find, surely, but it is more difficult. Politically correct internet entities will tell you that such things don't exist, blah-blah-blah, but it does. If you're such an uninteresting guy as you say you are, indeed, women won't queue to be with you. I totally agree with you.

Why are you so lacking? I love sex and all, but there are many other things that I find fantastic and that make me fulfill my life and feel on top of the world.

Perhaps you think sex is such a big deal, so special, because you have nothing else going on in your life, so, you can only spend time on porn and dreaming of women who won't look at a guy like you.

If you can, if you want, try making the rest of your life more interesting. You can do it. And I'm not saying it with the idea you'd attract interesting women by being more interesting yourself. I'm thinking of your self-esteem, which is so low.

We only live once. You're perhaps too young to realize that. It's short. Soon, you'll be closing on 50, on 80, and you'll have so many regrets if you continue like this. Why to live a boring, uneventful life? Why not try to discover things, see places, do stuff... live life to the full.

My message is: forget the sex for now, drop the porn and live your life. Make it interesting. Not to get a girl, but to love yourself.

 

You need to boost your self esteem in general more than anything else. It's not even about sex. I mean, I'm way older than you, pushing 40 and guess what, a virgin. And I'm totally happy because I know what I want, and I've never given up. I kind of lost interest in the whole "getting laid" thing as soon as I hit 20, and since then, I've always focused on meeting the right girl. I even turned down sex before too, because I knew it would have made the relationship worse.

Trust me, I'm a total perv. I love getting off and everything. BUT, I can do all that myself via masturbation. No problem. And actually making love? I gotta be with the right girl. And you know, I'm now in a happy relationship with that girl. But you have to be able to love and respect yourself first. This is what makes your aura shine brighter.

I have no regrets about not losing my virginity at a younger age. I wonder what it would have been like, but not regret. Find beauty in your own self, and nurture it.

All the best.

 

What you may not realize is that not everyone in the world is having sex at 15-18. There may be movies joking about people being "older virgins" but it happens in real life and it's just really not a big deal. I've known many men who were virgins into their twenties.

You gotta stop comparing yourself to others. You are on the outside looking in because you're not trying to get in. You gotta get in there to actually learn about people and stop judging things by the way things look. It may look like the "beautiful" girls will find someone with a nicer this or that, but actually the beautiful girls are finding men who are available. You are not available, because you're not trying.

Also the beautiful girls may not be the ones you're currently seeing as beautiful. Most people have a whole lot of beauty that people don't see until they get closer. Start talking to women and learning. That is the only way to become more experienced and get over the low confidence issue you're having.

 

You need to get-to fuckin asap.

 

When I read posts like this I'm just thinking, I'd fuck him.

 

This prooves what i'm telling. Women have bigger chances in life then men. They can take sex for granted, as something simple, as just touching someone. I cant be on the same level as they. If we add their beautiful perfect bodies and how they look durring sex, its all too big for me...

 

And that mindset is why you fail.

 

It's staring you right in the face: a) make more money.

b) fuck an ugly chick who's nasty in bed. She'll turn you out.

The best fuck I've ever had was with a girl that was plain ugly. She was so good in bed, I came close to having a relationship with her.

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a) and b) are my programme for you.

 

Tell me how you could possibly know the sexual status and experience level of strangers that you do not know!!! ??
The grass always looks greener on the other side. Reality is usually never what we think it is.
You are looking at all these people and your mind is making up stories that is believing as true. ....that's not good.

The fact of the matter is, you can't change the past. Don't let it eat away at you any longer, it's gone and over with. The good news is, you can change your future. Whatever you want, you can have.
None of the things you are so worried about really matter. Make things happen in you life now, so that you can be happy. Let go of the past, forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you feel you have made.
Just have to let it go.
Another thing, I'm not to keen on anti-depressants, from what I've learned is that they usually cause more harm than good and sometimes have you in a lower state than a helpful one. Make sure your meds aren't dragging you down. To me it sounds like they aren't helping at all.

 

Quiet Storm, it doesnt even matter what status people have. Most of them are normal. Fact is, people have sex out there regulary. For most of girls (take out losers and people with problems like me, this is maybe 20% of people) its the most normal thing to have penis in their hands or mouth. And there are people who do things like in porn. Just look for example online community fetlife. This is magic and for me those people know what is life. Seeing cute, normal girls with penis in their mouth simply hurts too much. And doesnt matter if i watch it or not. Girls do it out anyway, they do have sex.

Antidepressants help a little, because before them i was having panic attacks almost every day and crying a lot when thinking on this how people have sex out there. It was like puking cry. Since i take them, at least i dont have this anymore.

 

Their status matters because YOU sized everyone up in YOUR own mind.
I'm saying what you think isn't always true.
You have NO idea what people are going through or what their lives are like. You seem to think everyone is just joyously having sex every day.
You really have a misconception and I'm trying to point out your thinking. What other people do, really doesn't matter, it's what you or I do, personally.

Secondly, you can sit there and sulk and feel bad about yourself and THINK you know what others are doing, or you can try and venture out and build a life for yourself, make relationships and have a healthy sex life. No one is holding you back but you.

...and I'm still not convinced your meds aren't part of this problem.
Sometimes they make you worse and not better. I know about panic attacks, I've had them and on occasion do. The meds keep you in a vicious cycle.
That's for you to evaluate about yourself though.

 

You're only 27 get to it. Don't be too picky (but don't be a dick). Expect rejection along the way but keep at it. Experience asking, getting told no, getting told yes is the only way.

At btw, girls won't know you're a virgin unless you tell them. And lover worth her salt will guide you

 

I can understand The OP thoughts, as I too was a virgin till my mid 20's..and the same insecurities as he had were always there. I never considered myself good looking enough..etc etc etc..and that I really had nothing to offer a lady.

Until...in my mid twenties I met a wonderful older lady..separated, with 3 kids. You would think that we would have absolutely NOTHING! in common..but due to HER interest in the things that I had done, and wished to do...brought us closer.

I was a typical hippy type, long hair smoked pot,drank, while she was a sterotypical housewife, whose upper management husband had left her with 3 kids, for a younger woman.

we clicked immediately, I toned down my smoking and drinking, .and we were together for 35 wonderful years. What I am trying to say is ...there is someone out there for everyone..do not pigeonhole yourself as to the 'perfect' woman for you..there are a lot of lovely ladies out there, in all age ranges, who just want a nice guy to share their life with..mine happened to be a neighbour, who I struck up a friendship with..love and sex has no age barrier, if you are both consenting adults..good luck..