1. Sharpen a parsnip to a needle point and repeatedly stab yourself about the body with it. 2. Inject a parsnip with a particularly vile chemical waste and eat it. 3. Position a parsnip point-upwards on the ground and throw yourself out of a tree onto it. Aim to hit the parsnip with your eye-socket. (This one may take several attempts.) 4. Slice a parsnip into a number of finely crafted shuriken. Comission an elastic wall to be built in your living room. Throw the parsnip shuriken at the wall and hope desperately that they'll rebound back and hit you. 5. Find a large parsnip, hollow it out, fill it with explosives and a mercury tilt switch, stick it down your trousers and go for a ride on a rollercoaster. 6. Soak a parsnip in cement for several hours. When it's solid, belabour yourself around the head with it very hard indeed. 7. Spend years breeding a rat which lives only on parsnip. Starve it for a few days, then make sure it sees you swallowing a large chunk of very juicy parsnip. Lie back with your mouth open. 8. Remove the entire projection mechanism from a shotgun and fit it into a suitable parsnip. Then shoot yourself. 9. Concentrate on cultivating enormous parsnips until you get one the size of a small car. Fit wheels to it, stuff it with bricks, perch it on top of a steep hill, lie at the bottom, and wait. 10. Set up a complicated Penelope Pitstop/Hooded Claw-style trap involving a lot of weights, pulleys and ropes, the end result being a nail-stuffed parsnip being projected at great force into your head.
i have one. 11. send out a batch of parsnips into space in the hope that some alien life will consider it as an insult. when they come to attack the planet due to this outrage, tell them that you were the man who invented the parsnip, get a parsnip out, slap the alien with a parsnip and give him an alien language to english dictionary and wait.
aww i wanted to go to the tankus gig....but i cant come...anyone going tell jaz and the lads im dead sorry....and some one give sal a kiss from me!
12. Give the killer penguin of death a parsnip as a birthday present. He opens his present and you realise that penguins are allergic to parsnips. The killer penguin proceeds to drill the parsnip into your heart at the same time as smiling at you with his enigmatic smile. You die with his smile imprinted on your brain. Blissful. And now for something COMPLETELY different-----a frightening Killer Penguin link... http://thebigpenguinproject.tripod.com/index.html
