Should I Stop Talking to People?

I don't see the point of socializing, like going to a club and mingling or a house party or something. I don't enjoy it. I find most people very boring with nothing to say that's worth hearing.

I also feel like if I open up to them, they'll just judge me, harass me, manipulate me, lecture me, control me, or try to change me. Not just with my sex life, with everything. For example, I don't consider myself African American but rather black American, and I imagine another black person would just lecture me about how being African American is who I am and I should be proud of it. I don't see all the racism they're talking about and they would just force to acknowledge their viewpoint and rob me of my individuality.

I also feel like it saves money to be more a loner.

I will still talk to my family and friends and fwbs. So that's enough people I guess.

I'm 30 but I look like I'm about 17 so people tend to condescend to me like I'm a child.

Thoughts?

 

Sounds like we have a lot in common. I definitely have had the issue with people treating me the age I look rather than the age I am. Recently I went to a party and one person who did that to me before showed up. I just ignored her until she was leaving. It wasn't hard to do.

I am going through a phase where I am seriously bored with people too. I don't really feel the need to imagine how people would treat me based on my race or their race. I think it helps to be somewhat intuitive about people before you deal with them. I don't like hanging out at clubs or parties, that's not my scene at all.

But I don't really care much about how people judge or lecture me because I've liberated myself from others standards to a point where people know they can't change me and I don't care what they have to say about it. No one really steps across my boundaries anymore. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there just so people know how much they shouldn't mess with you.

I'm not a confrontational or aggressive person, but I know how to argue if I need to and I also know how to shut people down by letting them know that my personal decisions aren't their business. I think if you have friends and family that you trust and feel safe with, there's no need to go out there and be a social butterfly, unless it's your job and if it is your job and it still makes you uncomfortable, you can try to change the way you do your work.

Part of it though, is in strong enough in yourself to present yourself to people in a way where being who you are is not questionable. Maybe the issue is that when you are with people you don't know, you allow yourself to be the victim. If you're already feeling insecure when you go into situations like that, there will be people who are like vultures ready to feed on that kind of energy. So if you have to go into a situation like that, go there with certain boundaries up and keep them up. But also have confidence and a sense of openness. It's a fine balance, but if you practice you'll get used to it.

 

You have to just not give a fuck, don't give those people anything they can exploit at all. Those people don't deserve any concern from you anyway...

 

Thanks you two for responding. I don't get what you're saying exactly. Are you saying I should stop talking to people or not?

 

I think they are telling you to continue talking to people but to approach it differently. Anyhow I like what you are saying about your individuality and think that unless we choose to go through life wearing sunglasses that make everything look like sunshine and rainbows then we have to admit that most people are a pain in the ass and the truly good ones, people of depth worth getting to know, are far and few between.

Solitude is underrated. I have a small group of friends in my social circle these days and even then I make sure to have "me time." My soul likes to sit in the woods and just be. It sounds stupid but in my little universe the folks that don't get it are missing out.

With that said I don't think you should completely go hermit unless it is just for a period of time only and not permanent. Allow the people who are parasitic pains in the ass to pass out of your life, filter them out and see what is left.

 

Gravity doesnt lie

 

Thanks for responding. I wasn't talking about being a hermit, I was wondering if I should just stick to friends and family.

 

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Cheers Glen.

 

TheSamantha...I'm not saying rather you should or shouldn't stick with friends and family. If you feel comfortable with those people in your life and lifestyle you're living, and it doesn't affect your goals or career to stop socializing with people outside of your circle, I think that's totally fine.

But I don't think you should let other people's opinions stop you from going out or hanging out wherever you want.

P.S. this post has nothing to do with her breasts, I'm pretty sure neither of you have seen them

 

I'm pretty sure too

 

You say it all in your first post, when you say "I don't enjoy it." If you don't enjoy socializing, just don't do it.

You say you have family. I don't have any family member living in the same country and I can survive with very little socializing. You should do fine.

In my case, I feel lonely sometimes, but socializing is so difficult for me, because I don't drink, I'm a bad cook, I don't like restaurants nor cafés and I hate shopping, that I just don't do it, or barely do it.

When I'm very lonely, I come to forums on the net for a little company. It's easier than meeting real people.

 

People talk to me that way still, I just say "Great, that works for you" and move on. If they don't interest me I don't carry on any kind of friendship with them but in trying I still to meet people. I have met many good friends. The good ones are the ones who will offer advice When you ask for it.
Don't quit talking to people, sort them as you go along. People who are downers need not be a part of your life, they bring you down. People who are pushy,,, yup same thing. Put your chin up and tell yourself "That one ain't for me, I don't own him/her anything" and keep scouting the good ones along your way, they are out there and they will help keep you healthy.

 

TheSamantha--I can understand your situation. I don't really enjoy the social scene much, either. I also look 10 years younger than I am and people don't always take me as seriously as they would if I looked a bit older. If you have friends and family, I can see why you would want to avoid clubs and parties and shit. But what if your friends want to go out? I would say avoid them if you want, but if someone you are with makes a decision to go out and invites you, you should be open to joining them, once in a while.

Also, clubs aren't usually the place to discuss big ideas--perhaps your racial identity and ideas about sex won't come up. If they do, I'd just try to divert the topic. It should be pretty easy. Most people aren't out to lecture you/change your ideas. They just wanna get drunk and dance, eh?

 

I can totally empathise with what you're saying as I'm a total sociophobe.
I'm a member of a Community Choir & can handle that because everyone is focussed on the single goal of producing music, but the very idea of participating in any of the Social Events fills me with dread & I never have anything to do with them. Rightly or wrongly I see everyone else there as being professionals in their own line & thus being far higher on the Social Ladder than a nobody like me.

I am diagnosed as being Bi-Polar & can easily switch from extreme emotions at the slightest trigger - just a word can do it, which is another reason I dare not risk functions like this.

However, when it comes to a 1-on-1 situation, I'm fine, which is probably why I've always found it easier to use the anonimity of the internet to get to know someone first, before moving onto actual physical contact - by which time, more often than not, we are both already sexually familiar with each other.

 

Im going to go with AceK on this one and say why concern yourself?

I don't know you, but it sounds like you place a lot of emphasis on what others think. And then it puts you on a path that you don't enjoy traveling.

Ever consider doing what you want, when you want?

 

Samantha, if you're comfortable with your family, friends, and FWBs, then that's all you need. Clubbing, partying, and mingling are supposed to be fun. You sound like me in that respect, as I detest those activities as well.

Stick with the folks you already know and like, and interact with others only to the degree necessary (grocery store clerks, sales people, etc.) You'll be a happier person.

It sounds to me like you already know what you want and you just need a little validation. Consider it offered!

 

You obviously haven't found the right places to hang out with the right people, and I can't give you much advice because I don't know where you live. The "right" places may not exist in your area. But...I wouldn't recommend that anybody swear off talking to strangers forever. Total isolation isn't good, even though sometimes it's more comfortable.

I'm guessing you might find people at a strip club that share a lot of your views, morals, and values, but those clubs vary quite a bit from one town to another. The ones in your city may suck. You could go with a fwb to a swinger bar.

Being born into an ethnic group doesn't mean you are stuck dealing with it all the time. I know a black couple who only socializes with white people because they hate all the talk about racism and racial issues. They don't care any more about Africa than I care about England or Germany. I don't dislike those places; they just aren't special to me, because my family has been in the US for generations. So, I don't blame you for not being sentimental about Africa. I'm sure you can find some people who agree with you on this. If they don't look like you, so what?

 

And be social at your own pace, there is no rush, family are good and they can be great at times you want to stay at that level for a while, then peak out for a change when needed. Just be quick to drop those who don't support your feelings and rely on family especially in those times

 

Going a little off-topic here, but being a part of a minority ethnic group means that you kinda are stuck dealing with it more time than you'd choose to. Maybe not all the time, but for some people, in some places, yes, all the time. It doesn't matter rather you only socialize with people outside of your particular ethnic group.

I've been in many situations where I've had no choice but to socialize with people outside of my ethnic group and for the most part it's not a problem, but when it is...it is. You can't just decide not to deal with it or decide to not identify that way. Especially if, you started dealing with it as a child, as most minority children do...it becomes engrained in a sense...you are a apart of a marginalized community, however conflicted you may be with how it's presented to you. And trust me, there are conflicting views and perspectives.

I have a lot of sympathy and interest in Africa, but I cannot claim African culture either. I don't connect to black culture, because I don't know what the hell it is, but I do know that I care about how other people are treated and because I have sometimes, maybe not often, but often enough to understand and have compassion for those who don't have a choice but to deal with it all the time, I don't choose to shy away from people of my own color. I have a lot of friends of different backgrounds and I've never discriminated, but there is definitely truth in the shared struggles of being judged by your skin color, nationality, background whatever, rather or not you've personality experienced anything dramatic in relation to that.

I would encourage anyone to try to understand where these people are coming from. Even if you don't experience it yourself, and you don't want to. Not wanting to experience it, isn't going to prevent it from ever happening. And I'll bet if you look back on your life, there's been a point where you have been judged by your color or ethnicity, even if just by your peers.

So basically, I think most people have something to offer. Something you can learn from...you might not be in the place where you care much about learning anything new from anyone right now, but I would say, don't shut yourself down completely from ever meeting anyone else that might actually influence your life, for the better, just because it might threaten your egos preference of being all-important and having the best or most important perspective.

 

I didn't say otherwise.

And some people are indoctrinated in public schools that if you're smart and work hard, anybody can become almost anything. I know a black doctor who was born into a poor family. He hates it when people say things like, they can't make it because white people won't give them a break. He contributes big money to minority scholarship funds. Nobody ever gave him anything except a good education.

By the way, he isn't the guy I was talking about who only socializes with white people.

Sure. I've encountered plenty of people who assume that every white person from North Carolina is a religious, redneck, racist idiot. They can go fuck themselves.