First, I am happy to have found this forum. I found a similar forum full of teens and that was not the place I need to be. I am here for help. I am also writing on my phone so please forgive typos. I am heart-poundingly, face-flushingly, cry-inducingly, nipple-hardeningly, vagina-fire-causingly, happily, and torturously in love with my best friend... and we live together... AND she's asleep in the room upstairs with her boyfriend... AND! he's my best guy friend. I never thought I could feel this way for anyone after my high-school romance ended with my then-fiancée cheating on me, but my love for my best friend is even stronger than what I felt for my ex. I would NEVER try to take her from her boyfriend, and I would never do anything that I could see jeopardising my friendship with her or him. She and I get flirty even in front of him but it's all understood to be playful and completely not serious. But I'm serious. When I massage her my mind goes seriously crazy when I try to keep my fire low. When we touch each other my body seriously melts wanting so much more--even touching her hand or holding hands makes me boil. When I see her smile my mouth seriously struggles to not smile, but I smile. When I hear her laugh I smile. When I am the cause of her smile or her laughter I feel as though I just won the lottery jackpot a million times in a row. And when she tells me she loves me I feel sad knowing it's not the same love I feel when I return the 'I love you.' She is the kindest, most intelligent, most compassionate, funnest, funniest, most amazing, and most beautiful woman I have ever known, and I know she's pansexual so she's definitely capable of possibly feeling this way for me. I can't lose her. Losing her would be devastating.I need her even if only ever as my best friend. Now for your help: How do I keep my love to myself? How do I keep it from making me crazy? How do I stop loving her this way or this much?
I go through emotions like this when I start falling for other girls and having a crush on them but in time it passes. Once you realise nothing will happen it will eventually turn you off.
You need to sit down with this girl and be honest with her. She is a good friend of yours and you should be able to tell her truth. This is going to change the relationship you have with her for better or worse, if it's a good, strong relationship it will work out for the better, if it's built on false pretenses and is not worth much it's going to fall apart. Find a way to formulate your words thoughtfully, this concerns her as well.
It doesn't sound good that you're living with them. For your own sake I mean. If I were in your shoes I would distance myself pretty quickly if you don't want it to end badly. Because it will. For you or her or him. A love triangle like that never ends on a positive note. Try to find something else to focus on like a hobby or what about a new love interest? I know it's easier said then done but try not to think about it, or tell her. Right now you're wading through deep waters with eyes set upon the beautiful horizon ahead. In the back of your mind you know where you're heading.
Thank you for your ideas. I have started to at least try to distance myself emotionally, and have also started going out on my own more frequently hoping maybe I will find someone I don't already know. But it hurts badly to have to do that and feel the way I do. I will get over it though in time I guess. I have been through worse. I will not lose her though. I will still have my best friend, and I'll still tell her I love her without letting her know just how strong that love is.
