Need a reality check

OP, all these people are stating the obvious and you still don't get it or want to admit it. You are being played plain and simple. There is obviously some secret he’s hiding or something you don’t know about regarding where he works now. This isn’t just a simple case of anxiety or whatever. He’s obviously seeing someone where he works or was and possibly during the same time you were seeing him. Basically he screwed up and is trying to keep it buried or have you not find out. This seems pretty obvious by what you’ve described. Him telling you it’s an anxiety issue is just a lame excuse, well not that lame I guess as it worked on you… Seriously if finding earrings isn't enough of a tip off then you really either don't mind being the other woman or are too scared or stupid to get out, no offence intended...

Reality check… He doesn’t want to take a chance of bumping into people because he runs the risk of spilling the beans about you and potentially how long you have been dating and that’s going to directly clash with something through his work. You are living in a fantasy land if you don’t realize this.

My advice, first understand there is something going on you don’t know about and prepare yourself mentally / emotionally that you are or were in a shared relationship (that’s the nice way of saying he was two timing). Second you need to decide if you just want to let him go and move on or confront him about this. Third if you confront him be prepared that he’s going to lie to you as he’s already been lying to you for some time, so him coming clean and telling you means he’s uncovering an involved lie and a good chance that lie includes him seeing two different people at the same time. If all of what I said is true just know that he knows if he comes clean and tells you he knows you’re going to bolt, so again he’s going to cling to this lie like it’s gold.

There is another option, one that I think is kind of funny but good. Take a day off during the week or a long lunch break and show up at his work unannounced. Walk in and introduce yourself as his girlfriend, say how long you’ve been dating, basically give up as much info as possible, not in a mean or demanding way but in a friendly way and play dumb, and be prepared for some jaw dropping looks and him pissing his pants. I actually like this idea as I don’t think you’re going to get the truth out of him. And in the end if he isn’t lying to you and doesn’t have anything to hide, well then what wrong have you don’t other than surprise him at work? You seriously want to get to the bottom of it this may be the best way. Good luck.

Edit - I really think you should surprise him at his work, and when you do bring some pictures or something small showing proof of your relationship. This nut job your dating is obviously a convincing liar. So even if he manages to somehow get you out the door before the roof caves in you want to be able to at least fling a picture or something to show as proof, otherwise after you're gone he'll lie through his teeth to the other woman or co-workers. Seriously you should do this. Go to his work with the best of intentions like a surprise lunch date. You could even make some sandwiches and show up with a picnic basket or something, but again be prepared for a land slide as hopefully you'll uncover his secret. In the end if he gets pissed that you did it say "F" him. You are his GF, you have every right to show up at his work and say hi, if he's being faithful that is.

Again no offence intended, but you are a dumb cluck if you keep going ton pretending nothing is wrong with this picture... Good luck

 

Even if he's not cheating on you, the way you both are super immature about this as if this was a jr.high or high school romance, doesn't bode good vibes to me.

Get out just for the sake of finding piece of mind as an individual.

 

Thanks really appreciate your post, trying to catch him out at work would be difficult though mostly because I live 40 minutes away and can't take any days off myself and you need access to get into his work place. I could surprise him on a work night out though.

Everything you say makes sense though and I do feel like an unbelievable idiot but Im petrified at the prospect of being completely alone because he is the one person I can be myself around.

 

The prospect of being alone can be very scary, and it's at times like that I hope you have some good friends (at least 1 or 2) who will be there for you in times like this and who you can lean on for support. Cause yeah being alone staring at the walls feeling like shit just simply sucks. Certain people can jump right back on the horse and go out and date immediately, but not me. In the past I always went through a mourning period and it's terrible.

So yes it's easy for us all to tell you to leave him, confront him, or surprise him like I mentioned. It's quite another thing for you having the emotional investment and the fear of being alone to act upon it. Also try to realize that however painful a breakup might you only have one life and every year that goes by is another year gone. Try to project the future a year, 2 years from now. You could be in the same relationship going nowhere being the mistress with no future, or you could breakup, go through a few months or however long of a mourning period, get back on your feet and go meet someone who can appreciate what you have to offer.

Good luck!

 

I need some advice... I have been messing around with this guy for 4 months... I'm 20 he's 26 when I first met him we were coworkers at a restaurant. Well he told me he had a girlfriend but that didn't stop us our sexual attraction to each other was too strong. One night we were drunk and his girlfriend was over... He left the 2 of us.alone together while he went to McDonald's while he was gone his girlfriend asked me if he and I had been sleeping together and because I don't believe in lying I told he the truth. She wasn't mad at me well last night she asked me on a date and I said yes... Seeing as they broke up and she told.me she liked me. Well I.have a feeling he is angry about this but that's not the problem this.guy has 2 children ages 8 and 5 both boys his 8 year old was adopted out as in infant because the.mother was on drugs. The mother of his 5 year old moved her and their son 3,000 miles from the state of Washington to the state of Alabama where we live... The son's mother and I became friends when she came down for a week to visit... Well about 2 hours ago she and I were standing outside while I smoked a cigarette mind you we had been drinking and as we were talking she and I realized that this guy waned