Pregnant and in very new relationship

I was hoping to get a male opinion on my situation (I am female).

I have been seeing a guy for about one month, and have just found out I am pregnant. I am 32 and he is 34. I have never been pregnant, and actually didnt think I could get pregnant due to some test results that had come back about a year ago.

We are technically 'friends' as we are still really getting to know each other, but he is the only person I have had strong feelings for in a long time. I do really like him. He is very recently out of a long term relationship where he was dumped and was very hurt by it all. I am aware of the whole rebound relationship situaton, and I think we have been very careful and honest with where we are both at. Ie. He knows I would eventually like a relationship, and he has told me he needs time to heal but is open to a freindship and getting to know each other better. He is a good person, and I dont think he is using me as he has introduced me to all his friends and we often hang out as a group, and he treats me well, is only seeing me etc etc.

My dilemma is obviously telling him that I am pregnant. I have never been against abortion, but lets face it, I am 32 and am old enough to take responsibility for my actions. But, the idea of being single mother terrifies me also. Obviously the ideal situation for us would be to embrace the pregnancy and work on a proper relationship and become a family. But, I just dont know what his reaction is going to be and I dont want him to think I was trying to trap him or force him into something he is not ready for. The biggest thing is that I dont want to push him away - I do really like him, and I think he feels the same way but is just very cautious about jumping into a new realtionship so soon after his last one. (and obvioulsy this situation would bring on all that far too soon).

Have any of you guys been in the same situation as him, how did you feel, would a guy of 34 years old who wants children eventually be totally against having a child unexpectantly, what was your reaction to hearing your girl was pregant etc etc. Any other general advice is welcome.

Thanks

 

this isn't about how well you two fit together or whether you are gonna become lovers in time or not. if this guy is just out of a relationship he got hurt in and has told you he needs time then the last thing a guy like that would want is a baby. it is that simple. it is even simpler---a guy in a month old relationship where you two still officially think of each other as 'friends' ---a baby is in most cases unwanted.

news like this will scare him. the only question is to what degree. explain him the 'accident' and make sure you don't come off as trying to push anything on him. if you want a relationship with this guy then his opinion should have weight in whether you will terminate or not. if you don't care about what he wants and only think of this as your last chance at motherhood, then it will push him away from you, and a relationship is unlikely anywhere in the future.

 

Seems to me that you should address the issue with truth.
If he was hurt by the break up of a relationship (which generally surrounds betrayal) how do think he will react to not knowinhg that his child had been disguarded without his input?
There is never 'the right time' to have a child so I don't think age comes into it.
We have to accept responsibility to face the consequences of our actions.
Be bold and address the issue with honesty - together you can work it out
It is your decision of course, but when making your choice, you need consider the other partner invovled with the new life that may be upon you
Good luck

 

You don't mention if this guy is the father. (I'll assume that he is.*)

Actually, that's more of a fantasy situation. It's highly unlikely that two people who know each other as poorly as the two of you will form the proper relationship to raise a child. This is not faulting either of you, just observing that the two of you haven't been together long enough to form that kind of relationship.
"But, we might be soul mates that ..."
That's the fantasy that I was talking about.

Have you talked with him about adoption?
How would he feel about that?
Will you (singular or plural) make those kinds of decisions thinking about the kid or about yourselves?

*-I am in a position where I can afford to assume that he is the father. He can't. If he wants a paternity test, he isn't being mean, just prudent.

 

Is he the father?
Is it possible he's the father?

 

claim ignorance.

"you're pregnant!!!"
"no i'm not." :frown:

"that's a baby!!!"
"no it isn't." :frown:

 

Bottom line....I don't understand the dilemma. You and him had sex and you got pregnant. He's 50% of the pregnancy. Why should you take 100% of the angst and leave him out of the decision process? Why is the decision to abort or not 100% of your decision? If he doesn't react positively and share in the decision you have the wrong man. It didn't take him long to get over his X sexually did it?

Urghhhh.......

 

4 years ago, bro. I think whatever happened has happened, for better or worse.

 

^She's right, you know. :sunny:

 

Now I wanna know what happened

 

Me too

 

^ original post 10-16-2011 1:25 am

last activity 10-16-2011 2:27 am

1 post

I think the answer is that she gave birth to a healthy troll

 

sounds like she really puts out early...i bet she has a whole house full of kids by now...section 8 of course

 

^^ is this an example of what is called "slut shamming"

Attributing moral and personal faults to a woman because she is sexually active.

I'm not asking about the content of the post (I doubt that a woman who is terrified of being a single mother has "a house full of kids" and see no evidence of her being finically unable to care for herself.)

I'm asking because "slut shamming" is a relativly new term to me and I was wondering the the preceding post fell within its definition.
Is "slut shamming" a new term for "double standard" or is double standard a part of, but not equivalent to slut shamming?

 

thats not nice to call her a slut

you should apologize

 

Yeah, she's not coming back now unless you apologize