Legit reasons for not having sex

That is fair enough and i understand now. But that same attitude could just push away newcomers and limit the expanding of the community.

 

hmm Alcohol sounds like it could be a very probable cause in a few of them. Although neither partner has ever viewed it as a problem, Im pretty sure that some of the guys drink most nights and just view it as something that everyone does.

 

Your original post was very unclear. We can only respond to the things you say, we can't read your mind.

Yes, often times the responses here are snarky, but often times the questions are equally so.

If you want a clear and honest answer to your question, make sure your question is clear and honest to begin with.

I'm not usually one to respond the way I did, but your question as phased the way it was sounded much different than what you are now saying. Your question sounded very judgmental and critical of the women you were talking about. I'm sorry if I misjudged you too harshly.

I've also found that new people do better if they get to know the members of the boards before they start looking for answers. Just my observation.

 

OP, your female friends may be lacking sex for numerous reasons. The first thing they should be doing is thinking about what they are doing to keep their sex life alive and healthy. If they are lazy lovers, overly needy, too demanding, not exciting, unwilling to perform sexual acts (oral, etc), have to have it at specific times, or any other things that would be limiting...then their partner saying "I am too tired" is a blanket excuse meant to be more polite than "You're too much work, and I don't feel like doing it right now."

Now, if they are doing all they can to please their man, and themselves...then the "I am too tired" excuse, is usually just that, an excuse. Unless of course he works his ass off, and never feels like he has any time to himself. In which case it would be beneficial to their sex lives for them to find ways to help him relax and get in the mood.

Your question is difficult to answer because it is vague. I doubt the women telling you "I want sex, but he is always too tired" are giving you the full story. Not many women would say "I am a lousy lay, but I don't know why he just doesn't want to have sex anymore" or something along those lines. It is entirely too easy to blame the other person for one's own lacking sex life.

So, first piece of advice to give your female friends would be to admit their own issues/insecurities in the bedroom, and work on them if they want to get laid more. If that is not the issue, and he really is tired...well, help the man relax and remind him how enjoyable and stress relieving sex can be between two people who love each other. If the man isn't pulling his weight in the bedroom, well that is a whole different story, but the advice would be the same. He needs to look at his own actions, and how they are negatively impacting his sex life. Everything I mentioned in the first paragraph can apply to men as well. They can be lazy, too demanding, and so on.

The bottom line is simple: If someone is unsatisfied with their sex life, they need to do some honest self reflection, realize where they lack and excel, and either do the work to fix things, or live with their decision to not.

 

Meh i guess this is one disadvantage of just text chat, easy to get misunderstandings. Im a pretty straight forward guy to i just say what i think, sometimes works for me sometimes works against me. No harm done. Sorry i came across badly.

 

Thank you that is an amazing answer. It really gives me alot to say. One problem quite a few of my coupled friends have is they are kinda shy to talk about this thing. And one reason they ask me is because they know im quite proud about my relationship but not in an arrogant way im just happy with it and very open about to anyone who asks, good or bad. But like all of us im still learning and this has kind of opened my eyes quite a bit. Even though some of it is obvious its like being told the sky is blue ofc it is, but until your told or really look yourself you just kinda over look it.

 

So what you consider childish cant be the truth?

Childish answers like: We'll he's been coming home to the same cooch for the last 20 years, hello, what do you think was going to happen. D'uh!

Childish answer, but yet probably comes in at no. 1 as to why they aint getting it

 

This is the one that provoked my ire...You've made an assumption, or have you actually talked to these men? Not all men are born sex machines and don't remain 15 the rest of their lives wanting to fuck anything at the drop of a hat. Men are individuals and could have any number of reasons they don't want to have sex with the 'ol lady from she doesn't turn them on anymore to simply not being in the mood right now. I believe this has been said, but you are getting one side of the story from the women, and you want strangers to fill in the gap? This is a question best answered on an individual basis, by the men in question, to their women. I still have a hard time believing women (as in multiple women) have asked you this question. My guess it is one woman, (if at all, more likely it is a second hand inquiry) and I would still question her motive in involving you in this most personal problem.

 

It really amazes me. I have only been using this forum for a short period of time but i see so much hostility on so many threads or arguing. Toxic hostile community. That seems to respond faster to negative threads than positive threads. Time to find new place. See ya. Thanks to all who actually tried to give some helpful input.

 

Darn another person who only wants to post in their own threads is gone....now what do i do?

 

If my husband repeatedly told me he wasn't interested in sex, I'd suspect an affair and he would be in some serious shit.

He actually has turned me down a couple of times (in a decade) because he was tired and I knew he was, but gave him the option. I usually don't ask if I know he's exhausted or got hurt (say working on the car.)

He is high drive and would love it daily, so for him to say no consistently, would be a warning sign to me.

Maybe the men are low drive or having an affair. Why don't they ask them what needs to change? Or suggest seeing a doctor?

 

Sorry if I offend anyone, but I think that if you can't talk about sex with your partner, you are not mature enough and shouldn't be having sex.

Each person is unique as to what turns them on. If they can't say "I prefer oral" or "I hate oral" (or whatever the issue is) then they will suffer the consequences. I would think frustration and wanting great sex would spur them to say something!

 

Mmmm hmmm, thread was only really about why his wife wont have sex with him, was never going to be happy with the answer, thus was never going to be happy with us

 

Is this thread a fucking joke?

How ridiculous. I don't even know where to BEGIN to pick it apart.
So, maybe some people don't always want to have sex- esp after working a very long (12 hour etc) shift.... because well, for some people- they enjoy sex very much like most normal, healthy people, but also realize that sex isn't the only thing in the world.

OP, how old are you? I'm just wondering bc it actually seems abnormal to me for someone older than late teens or 20, 21 years old to think people who don't have sex every day or for up to a week must be sexually frustrated and that they don't have legitimate reasons for not wanting to every day...

Okay but to answer your question in two ways. I think any reason that a person has for not wanting to have sex on any given day is a legitimate reason. And for me personally and to be more specific. I am a married woman who has been married 11 years and in my relationship for 14 years. We have one three year old child and another soon arriving. My husband works 4 or 5 twelve hour shifts a week. Third shift. We are busy people. Anyways, we usually have sex once or twice a week... but it's not some big thing is some week or weeks we don't that week. And the reasons why it's not a big thing and def not a non-legitimate excuse or whatever the hell you think... is that sex to us is something enjoyable and great and all... but we are not sex addicts and don't need it every day. Sometimes it's nice to get some sleep. Often we don't even sleep at the same time of day. Kids keep you busy. Sometimes we don't even think about sex that day, believe it or not. It's just a non issue.

 

Hahaha! I know right. I was legitimatly confused by the change in the gender of the person when reading this thread.

 

Well, this thread was entertaining. I happen to agree with what VG said at the end.