Frustrated and feel hideous... Is my sex life beyond salvage???

if it's clear that the OP is still out there (hasn't been active for over a month), i might try replying to this

 

I read it all too. I would have a HUGE problem with a guy spending a bunch of money on those others girls and not on me. Not so much because I need a guy to spend tons of money on me....because I don't..... but if he was doing it for everyone else he gets involved with, that would be a HUGE red flag to me and make me wonder why they are so important to him and I am not.

That would be a huge red flag to me and possibly reason to consider ending the relationship right there.

Not to mention that (usually....9 times outta 10), ex's are ex's FOR A REASON and should STAY THAT WAY..

Yes, though, sex can wax and wean as a relationship gets older. I have been married 11 years.... lived with the man for over 15 years. And I will say that our relationship,sexually, although it's always GOOD when we are together... there are times when he seems to have a lot of interest in me and times when it is less (and less with me for him too).... it doesn't bother me though because it always comes back and sometimes we are just dealing with other things in life.... overtime, kids, just....stress in general. And often I initiate more than him. But he has also never wanted to be with anyone else since we were together and the sex always comes back.... for example sometimes in the past I have found out something was bothering him and then we'd work on it and things would be more frequent again. But in any case,... combined w the other things...I'd say you're probably better off without.

 

Never struggle to chase love, affection or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having!!

 

Sounds like this long term boyfriend of yours is a manipulative sociopath to me.

I'd ditch him, as I have serious concerns he is only emulating emotions, and doesn't actually feel them and process them the same way as normal people.


He holds a lot of blame for sure, but there are some things about yourself that jumped out at me.

For instance, when you guys were "broken up", you held resentment and reacted emotionally to what he decided to do with other women while you were no longer a couple.

Being a couple and not being a couple, is a very black and white system our culture uses to identify what is cheating and what isn't cheating.

This of course doesn't necessarily stop the hurt, from seeing an ex move on to new partners really fast, but this is primarily the main reason I don't support ex's coming out of a volatile relationship getting back together.

The only exception I make for ex's getting back together is when the causation for a split was circumstance (job, moving, 3rd party nobody is at fault or emotionally upset with each other) type of reasons.

 

This is going to sound way more harsh than I intend. Please, bellalondon, take it in the spirit intended. Here goes:

You get what you tolerate.

 

Things have gone.too far. You.need to move on. The respect is no longer there. Do not live in denial. It's OK to move on. Surely you deserve better. Sex and love is a wonderful thing when respect us in the mix.

 

Hi to everyone. I have spent the time between now and when I posted trying to make things work. It doesn't and I feel that much deeper into a relationship. Is it normal to lose confidence as you get older anyway?
Are relationships always this much hard work?

 

Hi Bella.

In my opinion, the right relationship shouldn't be so much hard work. I think that, based on everything you've said, the time has come for you to end this relationship and wait for the right man to come along. You are clearly not with the right person as you seem to have so many serious doubts. When you're with the right person, the worst you can expect is to go through the occasional bad patch and have the occasional doubt. Your current relationship appears to be one huge bad patch and you obviously want more emotionally than your partner will give you.