I'm going to go to eternity one day, because I've never been a innocent as a belle, I can't stay in this body that is my prison cell. I hope I'm going tonight, Believe me this takes much strenght, I wish my future were still in my eyesight. I know they love me, But i've screwed up so badly, I have so much pain inside me. I've never cut deep enough before, never actually wanted to die, even though i have said so. When i was there, I hated the hospital, They fucked up my life over and over agian. But now, I'd give anything, anything. To be back there, where i couldn't hurt myself, where there was no real hurt. It was all temporary, at the time, but now i wish it had been permenate. I cut, I have scars, I'm going to cut tonight. If you have a probelm with that, then i hope your happy, being a fuckin prejudice asshole. People who judge cutters, they don't know, they don't know shit. Shit includes the pain from inside, which inclines you to cut, which inturn gives you a "high". And to the assholes, one in particular, that say shit bout cutters. That say that we will never be loved, becuase are scars are so hideous, that no-one could possibly love us. That's crap, people love us, and those people arn't superficial like you. But if I survive tonight, I'll be surprised, And royally screwed for life.
Well, I guess I'm a 'fuckin prejudice asshole.' If it weren't for jackasses in the media and all sorts of screwed up misanthropes out there, cutting wouldn't even be part of the modern argot. Don't personalize a media creation. Don't let them use you. Beyond that, I'm not preaching. But I know who the real assholes are and they don't include me or you.
If you are cutting yourself to get high, then you are readily neglecting a plethora of much more enjoyable and convenient options to do the self same thing. There is a point, with any inebriative gesture, that it ceases to give to you the experience that helps you to transcend the self, where it only hinders the process. This is the point where you stop. I sure hope you're alive and sane enough to read this. Self-mutilation, as anyone who did a little research might well discover, is not a modern media creation. It has been a method for heightening spiritual consciousness at some point or another in the evolution of nearly every culture on this, our Mother Earth. Shamans, Buddhist Monks, Yogis, Certain Christian Sects, and many more have employed it to bear witness with their own emfeebled perceptions to the futility of their own mortality, as well as that deeper resolve, that Divine Will, which spites that futility. Thereby do they come to understand the Magic that is Life through the Horror that is Death. Have you found that magic yet, dear? It is there, for those who are willing to put forth the effort to Seek It. Are you such a one? Or are you a quitter? Maybe it's time to try a different avenue, hm? eMBeMLaHV! (Many Blessings, Much Love, Healing Vibrations)
First of all, obviously I'm alive, since i'm writing this... second of all of course i'm not sane enough to read that, i never was + the fact that i used to smoke pot and i believe it destroyed alot of my brain cells so i'll be truthfull, i did not understand anything you said Osiris except the above. Third of all, I was...am...and will continuely be royally screwed for life. And that's just becuse of my permanate scars.
You are only screwed for life if you continue to let your past guide your present and future. We all have permanent scars either emotionally or physically but we have to learn to see past those things. Don't let your identity be one of the girl who cuts herself. Rise above those bad feelings and learn to identify yourself with something positive. Hope you are doing better
