Anti-spanking

You didn't answer the question, you just went around it.

 

Well, yes, but let's not talk badly about families where one or both parents have to work. I have to work and I couldn't imagine hitting my marshmallow puffy. The point is to spend the time you have with your babies. And yes, you can make little kids toys fun, I have a great time playing with my Jeremy, but most of it is because of how excited he gets haha. You also DO have to have time to yourself, or else you'll get too stressed and that can make you lash out at your kids

 

It takes a community to raise our children. It takes people who are not parents to help raise children and give them safe places to turn so their futures are filled with good things to remember. When you advocate a grown person spanking or hitting a child...you advocate child abuse. Not just the actual action of it but the mental abuse that comes with it. Then you are not a real child advocate..you are not helping at all. What gives you the right as a non parent just watching to say weather that child should be hit or not? Plain and simple it's not right to hit people. Especially if you should be an adult and KNOW BETTER. Hitting does not work out in the real world. And it does not work in a home world.

Obviously if you have never witnessed a homestead that does not use that form of punishment then you don't know any better and we can't blame you. BUT it is however very imature not to be open to non abuse of other beings when and if at all possible. Especially people who have small voices and are innocent~children.

Kids do things adults don't like and adults don't understand. Kids act up because they are evolving, they have testoserone spikes, they like the sound of their own voices, and they are learning through experience and so they throw and feel and yell to thear their own voices because thats what they need to do to learn. And when you take those things from them and say sit still and be quiet on and on and they have no self control because they are little and they are all impulse and very egocentric...then they will rebel and do it anyways because they need to.

Kids are egocentric~ they think every thing is about them. If you hit a child it's not about their action it's about them. They forget their actions almost instantly. That's why they redoo their actions later...because they forgot. and that's why spanking does not work. What may seem harmless punishment to you is very real and harmfull to them because they see you as someone they love and you just hit them.

When a child is "acting up" next time instead of automaticly assuming they are a bad kid with a problem, watch them and see what happens. Kids have spirts of energy. It happens inside and its normal and it comes and gose all day long. the spirt will end and it's not something to hit them over. they cant help it. They dont even know their feelings yet. Instead of getting all excited about their spirt of energy and getting angry at them...you feed that energy with what the child needs.
~If they are being loud...help them notice their voice..yell with them loud noises...be intrested in that with them and they will know your intrested in whats intresting to them and it turns it into a learning experience for the child instead of something bad and they are happy again and it ends quickly.
~If they are throwing things then they probably need to be throwing. Give them a place that is for throwing. Outside...a bean bag, a ball.
~If they are biting, give them something they CAN bite.
~Pushing...kids push! Give them something to push around. A chair, something that rolls...whatever.
Whatever your kid is doing you as the caregiver are there to show them a way to use their energy constructively.
Honestly if you are creative then there is no reason to hit a child. It's just not a creative option and has no benefit whatsoever.

 

I disagree

In my church everyone uses these "alternate punishment methods". Not a homestead but still a community

I don't believe a single word of this statement

Kids only think everything is about them when they are taught that way. If you baby a child it will become self-centered and bratty. I never thought it was about me when I was being hit.

I don't know what you are referring to (if anything) but I have never assumed a kid was bad.+

I think it just teaches them that being loud is okay

Why would you need to be throwing?

Or tell them, biting is wrong, unless you are talking about really young kids, then I agree

O r tell them not to push

I think many of these creative ways just encourage the children even more

 

You dont believe a single word of that statement because you dont want to hear that you dont know what your talking about. And thank god you don't have any children. Second of all being loud IS ok. It is okay for a child to have a voice and it IS ok for them to use it.Why would they NEED to be throwing. Because some kids need to be doing sertain things for their indevidual development. Each is different. Sometimes if they are deprived of doing the things that biologicaly they need then they do it anyways because that's what their bodies are telling them to do. And punishing someone for something that is natural is stupid. And telling a kid not to push isnt going to help. You have to put them where they wont want to push. Thats why putting kids in a line is just asking for trouble. You may think that these creative ways encourage kids even more but you have to understand that kids are smart. Given ample trust that they are just human instead of being bad and needing to be hit they succeed from experiences that amplify what they really need and therfore enhances their self control and their value in self worth causeing chain reaction to good choices they make making them well behaved.

 

I'm done here, that post just really pissed me off. You're crazy. What the fuck does throwing have to do with individualism. I'll see you 'round the forums, hopefully we'll have a better conversation wherever that is.

 

resorting to anger? Probably because that's what you were tought to do. That's ok. Don't leave though because there is a lot to learn from the parenting forum

 

spank them bitches

 

My goodness, you disagreed with EVERYTHING Apple said. Apple is a MOTHER, she knows kids, she raises a child, the people who are parents or parent surrogates on this forum tend to disagree with hitting. "Just tell them not to....." is a response from someone who has VERY limited knowlege of and contact with children. Dang, if all it took was "Telling them" not to or to do things, parenting would be a breeze, which, anyone who does take care of kids can tell you, it is not! There is more to parenting than just "telling" kids what to do and what not to and then hitting them when they don't comply. No wonder people who have the "just tell them not to" fantasy hit, they don't have any idea how to parent effectively!

Duck, please stop with the personal attacks. Apple didn't attack you, and she is certainly NOT crazy. I think you are angry because you have no idea what you are talking about and your "comfy factor" has been breached. (several posters have taken the stance that your parent's idea of hitting is wrong and abusive. The more abusive a home it, often, the harder it is to see the problem for the victim.) It is HEALTHY to question the way you are parented, and maybe this discussion can help you question the hitting you suffered and come to terms with it, without just thinking "mom and dad did it so it has to be right." And then, hopefully make BETTER choices for your own children, if and when you have them. One needs to GROW UP to get to this place, where you can dispassionately critique the way you were parented and disagree with mommy and daddy and see their errors and take a proactive stance to NOT make the same mistakes. It is just easier NOT to have to do all this work for some people, so they just do whatever mom and dad did, because "I turned out OK." which is the lamest reason for a parenting act I can think of.

Let's try to stay away from the SAHM/WM argument on this thread, it will muddy the waters of what we are talking about, (and no one ever WINS anything in that argument anyway. )

 

(my comments are in red. Duckss are in blac, the original quotes are Apple's.) Something profound Apple said about parenting.

You have nothing to base your disagreement on and virtuallly NO experience, except what have seen and not understood about children.


Something else Apple said, which made sense.

based on?

LEARN SOME CHILD PSYCHOLOGY, if you think children are egocentric because they were RAISED that way, you have a SHIT LOAD of reading and learnng to do. Egocentricity is about the first thing you learn in ANY child development or child psychology class.

[/quote]I think it just teaches them that being loud is okay[/QUOTE] Again, kids are loud. Learning GOOD ways to channel that urge (need) is part of good parenting, like Apple demonstrated.

BECAUSE THEY ARE KIDS. That is one of the things children DO to learn about their enviroment, learn about science (hey things have mass and they only go so far before they fall) and that is what kids DO!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Applespark
~Pushing...kids push! Give them something to push around. A chair, something that rolls...whatever.
Whatever your kid is doing you as the caregiver are there to show them a way to use their energy constructively. [/QUOTE]

"Telling" doesn't work, creative parenting does. If just "telling" a child what to do and what not to worked as a parenting method, we wouldn't have any need for ANY ideas about parenting. Kids aren't computers, they can't be programmed, they do things to learn, and "Telling them not to" is NOT a real life parenting method, in many cases. Especially when the behavior stems from NEEDS, childish desires, and developmental steps (like pushing or hitting or throwing.)

One of the most important factors in perpertrating child abuse is having INAPPROPRIATE expectations from children (like, not knowing what kids DO at certain ages and expecting behavior that they haven't matured enough to do yet) Duck, you are showing NOTHING but the fact that your understanding of child development is woeful. LEARN about kids, or don't diss people who know, or at least are making an effort to learn what kids need. Here go to: www.drsears.com
or www.mothering.com or maybe read a 100 level text on Child Development (I could lend you some, I have a Master's in that field) and THEN start having opiions on parenting advice given to seasoned parents and parent surrogates. 'Kay?

You don't know kids, dude. Not at all. And your expectations of them are the problem.

 

Sometimes people are not ready to hear things....but at least things are siad and read.