hello everyone,ok please bear with me this is quite long. i was seeing this girl about a year ago, we met through her nephew, i started to hang out with him .hes a dj who spins the same type of music as me. me him and another guy had started playing out,it was the start of a career hobby ive wanted to do for the last 7-8 years of my life.at first i only went round his place to see him talk about our plans on playing out, and to have a friendly chat with whoever else was round.after a while i picked up on the fact that his aunt really liked me (btw there is a huge age difference between his mum and his aunt, he is 19 and his aunt is 25). me and her started chatting more, and although i perhaps feel i didnt really clik very well with her on a mental level,she made it very obvious she wanted me,she kinda persued me relentlessly ,even though i was unsure .in retrospect now and i got her opinion too,she felt that we wernt great together either and she felt that too,but she said she hoped things would change. we started dating and were going out for about 3 months.in all that time she never came over to see me at all and we only spent one night out together (just us 2). most times were spent in the company of family and friends.in the end i asked to split over a couple of things.but she really wanted us to stay close friends,and so did i. just after we split i said i would need some time away from her as i had feelings for her and i knew they wouldnt go away in a flash. it was a while before i went round there again and when i did i was hanging with her nephew, i suspected she was getting jelous though so i didnt go round to see him much after that,we argued and spent more time apart. it was at this point i began to realise it wasnt easy. i suspected he also got abit upset with me,he was going through a rough phase anyway and i beleive me not hanging out with him very often had contributed to his attempt at suicide.i felt bad, i began to go round there alot more often and hung out again round there and tried as hard as i could to to please everyone,even tho i was suffereing from mild depression. my ex (his aunt) started to get jelous of the fact i was talking to him more than her.she always thought i wasnt interested in her.since then weve began to talk more and better with each other,but she keeps acting the same way ,everytime someone else grabs my attention ,even other women. her sister is quite dominating and if she starts talking with you its difficult to get away so to speak,i often been told im a great sympathetic listener but i only choose to talk to her purely for the sake of being polite, i dont ring her or speak to her other from when she speaks to me which is when im round there. i regard them all as good friends. my ex is prolly the quietest one of the bunch,i always wished we could communicate well,and me and her could be good for each other but it never has happened and dont think it ever will.she has helped me out when ive been feeling down and i am eternally gratefull for that,but her possesivenes is really getting to me, she has another boyfriend but she dosnt see him. i dont know what to do, i cant just disappear ,i would feel like an asshole since shes helped me out wen ive been feeling down and it upsets her wen i dont see her. ive tried to explain why i cant see her before in the past and have tried to break away. (thinking it would probably be best for both of us) but its impossible because i dj reguly with my mate (her nephew) and she keeps telling me she dosnt want to lose me.so i stay close.problems arrise because she still assumes im deliberatly ignoring her, this is a combination of the fact that because we dont communicate brilliantly at times and her family are always present wen i go round there, so she assumes im seeing them and i dont want to talk to her. i do like her and i like spending time with her but when she acts jelous it gets to me,everytime i feel im just getting over her, some jelous event happens ,i cant help that her nephew is good friends with me ,or that her sister talks to me,i would feel rude and bad if i ignored them.i will admit i do get distracted very easily and it is hard to hold my attention,and i do get on with people better if they are good conversationalists. but its not like im doing it deliberatly,i try really hard to get conversations going with her wen its just us together,and ive tried before to get her to hang out somewhere else with me ,but she wont. im at my wits end ,i feel im constantly going in cycles,and i feel trapped because i dont want to hurt her,after all shes done for me and because of what she means to me. i dont know what to do, i cant really afford to move out of the area and i dont want to give up on my djing with my mate. i feel my mate looks to me for inspiration and initiative and without me around he wouldnt get anything done.plus i also feel he has low self esteem.ive tried talking with my ex about certain things ,but she avoids any in depth conversations. any advice would be gladly appriciated. thanks if you took the time to read this, sorry its a bit long.
