i dont know what to do and i really need some advice for the last ten years my dads been drinking his life away. he'd get drunk every night so much that he couldnt rememeber anything the next morning. i once asked him why do you drink so much? and he said, "to forget". Then, last summer he ended up in hospital with hepotitis and i truely believe he was scared. the doctors told him he had to stop drinking at least for 6 months. so thats what my dad did. However now the 6 months are up and yesterday i found an empty bottle of spirit hidden in the cupboard in the hallway. it was a present bought for me two weeks ago from a friend. i cant talk to my mum about how i feel because as much as she says she hate my dads drinking its her that opens the bottle of wine every night. i feel so helpless, people tell me to sit and talk with my dad but ive literally cryed my eyes out in front of him and it makes no difference. im scared because i am starting to hate my dad for this. i hate that he doesnt seem to care if he watchs me grow and have a family or not. i hate that hed rather sit in his office and get drunk than talk to me, and i hate that even if i were to talk to him he couldnt put a sentance together anyway. im so angry and i dont know what to do. i was wondering if maybe any of you guys have known an alcholic, or if maybe you could give me some advice, anything, i just feel so alone
Maybe you should try to find an alchohol abuse suuport group - these exist for members of families or anyone affected by someone else's drinking. Check out this link http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/ I hope you can find someone with experience of this to talk to - that's probably what you need.
Hmm, these situations are difficult. You see, its hard to believe but the only person who'll be able to seriously help your dad is himself. Thats not at all good comforting news, but you can be there and like BlackBillBlake said find out about somewhere. Get leaflets and leave the about. But thats all that can be done. I have a relative, he drinks and drinks and drinks himself into a state of complete la la land where all is wobbly and the only language he speaks is curses. People try to help, support, look after him. He had a scare too... was in hospital promised to stay off the booze did aswell, got himself a job a flat and everything. At then end of the day, everyone needs to make efforts your mum included ask her if she thinks not incouraging wine would be something she could do... Also, big thing to ask... what is it your dads trying to forget?
my dad is drinking himself slowly to death, too. its not nice at all is it? my mum is drinking a lot - a bottle of wine a night usually. she's not often very drunk thankfully, unlike my dad its not a pleasant atmosphere
My Grandad was an alcoholic, and it claimed his life. There are no easy answers. Alcoholism is often a crutch that people use to escape problems in their lives. What is your dad trying to forget? Is there a way that he can resolve it without alcohol, or that you can help him to resolve it? If not, then a support group would definitely be my suggestion, but getting people to go is often very hard. Even if they can admit that they have a problem, they often won't want to do anything about it, or feel that they can't. If he doesn't want to go to a support group, tell him how much you love and care about him, tell him what he's doing is tearing you and the family apart, maybe that he's being very selfish, and that he has to do this for everyone. Also, you really do have to talk to your mum about this, you can't do it alone, and if you try to, it will really hurt you. Talk to your mum, get her to support you, and agree with you in asking your dad to find help. Also, get her to stop opening up that bottle of wine every night! Hope that helped, like I said, there are no easy answers. There are ways out, but ultimately, all of them will depend on your dad himself....
The only thing you can do it detach yourself. No it isnt easy. My mother was a junkie for many years. After i left home i just emotionaly put her on the back burner. I mean i still talked to her and tried to help, but i stopped getting wraped up. I did try dropping hidden messeages though. Like i would sneak AA &NA meeting schedules in her purse. My Mom just celebrated 6 months clean from drugs and alcohol yesterday... like i said just detach watch help, but dont get overly into it and drop hints, maybe just maybe he will come around. I do not know your spirtiual/faith path, but try meditating/praying on it. Good luck
In part I agree but I don't think that time has arrived yet. You cannot write someone off before you have tried. Whilst her mum may be opening the wine bottle and her father may have polished off a bottle of spirit that doesn't mean he is beyond all hope just yet. I've seen this before. Alcohol, drugs and any addiction tends to follow the same pattern. Generally the only thing that stops someone is a major tragedy or the threat of losing someone they love. Even that doesn't stop them sometimes. The fact that this man has stopped for 6 months is commendable. It shows he can. As his daughter the best thing you can do ( assuming hes not violent ) is confront the situation head on. Tackle both your mum and you dad about how you feel. Tell them both face to face ( when sober ) about how its affecting your life and how you hate to see them doing this to themselves. It may or may not work - but at least you tried. My heart goes out to you it really does but you can't give up. There is always hope. Get it out in the open and talk about it. Talk about it with other people. Seek advice and learn about ways to get your Dad to agree to help. Do all of this and at least whatever and whichever way it turns out - no one can say you didn't try.
I feel for you footprints. Trying to have any kind of relationship with an addict/alcoholic is like trying to housebreak a rabid dog. The disease doesn't listen to reason, doesn't usually respond to love. Trying to help someone who wont help themselves is usually a doomed venture. Like BlackBillBlake said; there are support groups full of people who are trying to deal with the same thing you're dealing with. I've been to some of these myself and I'd urge you to check one out ASAP. If nothing else finding out you're not alone can make all the difference. Helps alot to find other people you can talk to who are going through the same thing. Don't know what they've got going in the UK but here in the US there's: Alanon (families of alcoholics) Alateen (young people's version of Alanon) Co-Dependance Anonymous (Anybody who's in, or has been in, any kind of relationship with an addict/ alcocholic) Adult Children of Alcoholics (people who grew up or are growing up in an alcoholic/addict home) Alateen might be particularly worth checking out. You'll meet people your own age who can relate to your situation. Id definately recomend trying to see what's available in your area. You can find out online or look in the phonebook. Goodluck.
thank you. i will definatly phone up one of these groups, definatly. its all just so hard. im really scared because recently ive just been feeling like i cant be bothered with him anymore and i dont want to feel that way. i think when my dad says he wants to forget, hes talking about his childhood. he was badly abused as a little boy by his step father, he would be tied to a bedpost and gagged when his parents went out, things like that, then when he was 15 he joined the army and he was sexualy abused by two sergents. whats bad is i didnt learn this stuff off my dad but from my mum who was told years ago by my dads mother and my drunk dad. my dad is such a lovely person , he would never hurt anyone ever. he looks after sick animals all the time and gives to literally about 15 different charitys. hes so pure and lovely but i worry that all this niceness is blocking up all this rage he really wants to feel. he doesnt comunicate with me or anyone atall, no one really knows anything about him. he refuses to talk about his past. its so hard because when i talk to him and he tells me hell stop drinking i thouraghly believe him and for i while i think he does. but its only a matter of time before he starts again, secretly. i dont know how to help him or how to reach him and i dont know if anybody ever will. hes got so much bottled up i dont know if he can ever be free. inside hes still just an abused little boy, and its obvious just to look at him. he'll be 60 this year and soon ill be gone then that will be it, ill never be able to build that relationship i want with him, all this stuff scares me
my dad was an alcoholic too and a junkie...probably still is for all i know i havent seen him for 9 years
