For the brave only: your most spectacular disaster

The NSA reads a third of the countries emails and would like everyone to know they are open for confessions, but have heard it all. Area 51 remains off limits at this time.

 

Stole a cross from outside a church when I was 16 and erected it on the front lawn of a nearby house.

 

A 14 yo kid was taken to trial under the charge of terrorism because he posted an emoji of a cop next to a gun, and the gun was facing the cop.
(When I think that the Italian justice system is flawed slow and ineffective immediately the US one comes to my mind and I'm grateful of being in a place where a couple of idiots stab a cop to death and the police doesn't even gun them down without asking questions)

 

Its not even an American judicial system anymore, with the quality and quantity varying so much you can go from the best in the world to the worst in the third world by merely driving a few hundred miles. Seattle where I live is actually pretty damned good, but that's because its expensive. Chicago is a nightmare, while in Texas a guy was acquitted of shooting and killing a hooker for stealing his wallet. They've built walls around all the ghettos, so its easier to contain anything not worth their time and raise local real estate values.

Its the best justice money can buy, and foreigners flock here for more.

 

when she blew up the city dump, it raised the biggest stink of all
from the song, grandma went out with a bang.
being neither brave nor obsessed with disasters, i have nothing to contribute to this thread

("this" is conspicuously absent from options offered when applying spellcheck to "thes")

 

What's so disastrous about that? Oh, leaving the other half of the government intact...I see now.

 

OP rockin’ the vintage HF avatar.

 

I still remember a lot of you by your old hf-issued avatars.

 

Failed to be a good man to the one special girl that got away. Left me feeling low for a long time. That was a disaster for me. But I've gotten over it, we've talked since then, and I'm happy for the life she has now.

 

@Pete's Draggin' @tumbling.dice @YouFreeMe

*smiles*

Thanks guys.

 

Anyone else willing to share with us some wacky tale of involuntary havoc ? because if not, time is ready for me to reveal my own sensational, theatrical, dazzling act of idiocy. Stay tuned, it is Wile E. Coyote grade stuff.

 

Yes okay, I'm listening.

 

I said the 'F' word once. lol

 

it is coming. I'm just gathering my courage

 

I guess I've got to spit it out, no point in prolonging the agony. So let's get it done. All right , we're set out to start for good... deep breath.
I DESTROYED A HERD OF COWS.
Not in a deliberate way like Randy Marsh did. Not even close. It is more about like, the cows did the lemming thing.
I was about 19 and together with a friend of mine we planned down a bike road trip intending to use our light enduro bikes (my 50 cc and my buddy's old 125) to cross Italy and visit a few places, mostly mountainous sites, camping on site. As per usual, at the last minute he opted out but i decided to go solo nevertheless and so I did. Leaving with my unreliable wimpy bike and loaded in a cumbersome way with a ragtag equipment literally kept together with strings I started having trouble after some 100 km in the form of coolant getting into the gear box and mixing with lubricant. The emulsion dripping out of a discharge hose and depleting the oil in the gearbox forced me to stop in the nearest city to buy a few cans of oil that I had to add at constant intervals.
But this has nothing to do with the story so let's go on. About the middle of the trip I started to climb the mountains, having a hard time with an engine of minimal displacement but very high in revs that suffered with the lack of oxygen even at modest altitudes, in need of constant carburetion adjustments and swearing.
I camped for the night near a mountain inn populated by misanthropes and the next morning I was on the road again, my engine buzzing loud at 9000 rpm and pissing oil and water all the way, both of us relentlessly trucking towards our fate. And the one of the cows, of course. Did I forget to say that at some point someone stole my helmet ? It wasn't even mandatory back in the day, neither license plates were for my class of vehicle (how convenient). So here I am, climbing the millionth steep mountain turn when in front of me I find a bunch of cow asses. In front of me, and for as long as I could see, which means to the next turn, a sparse herd of cows was ambling idly taking the entire width of the road , pursued by a small boy whacking at them with a branch, leaves and all, and led by some mountaineer dude driving a SUV in front of the cowcade . Having no idea about how long I had to tailgate the herd in first gear, at some point I took the fateful and quite stupid decision to just elbow my way across he cows, being far apart from each other and pretty slow because of the slope and, well, being cows. After all the cows looked pretty passive and didn't mind engines, apparently. I was pretty confident while slowly slaloming among them, my engine coughing as discretely as it could in first gear, gently waltzing across a river of horns and buttocks, hell, they didn't even seem to notice that yelling, lashing little kid.
As usual, everything goes alright until it doesn't anymore, and the signal came from one random animal, probably a leader, declaring All Cow For Herself with a desperate MOOOO when I was Right in the Middle of the procession, with a deep ditch on my right side and a steepish grassy mountainside on the left, leaving no escape for all the stupid beasts there, including myself. The cows started stampeding uphill at a prodigious as much as unexpected speed given their size, and not even in the same direction but zig-zag'ing across the narrow road, clashing with each other, some slipping on the asphalt with their hooves, falling heavily on one side and sliding into the ditch where they got trapped legs up, mooing in the most depressed fashion you could imagine. Some others sprinted out of the road , and sight, probably rolling all the way down to the valley I guess. Like a rolling cow. Oh man. Now that long decades and the Statute of Limitations protect me from my responsibilities I find this shit funny but at the time it was quite a hair rising experience. No helmet, a ton of random stuff strapped on my back, in the middle of panicking cattle on a bike that was barely heavier than me. GET THE F*++ OUTTA HERE. The bite of fear turns into rage, I think "screw this shit" and open all gas, all the way. The front wheel rises and the tiny bike vomits oil and horsepower, gaining full torque in a snap with a piercing hi-rev shriek above 12000 rpm which turned panic into the most abject terror, but in a couple of turns my black-and-yellow wasp zipped me out of the charging cattle, exchanging a fleeting stare of mutual hate and contempt with the dude in the jeep who yelled mere sounds at me. Dunno if that was the local dialect or he got a stroke looking at the cowpocalipse I had single-handedly unleashed upon him, I don't know what happened next and thought that it wasn't the best moment to argue also because he was facing his personal set of troubles in the form of the rest of the cows (those who managed not to get swallowed by the moat or go lemming down the mountain) coming after me and dashing into his stupid fucking military style jeep, pushing it out of the way. I wished him at my loudest to go get bent in hell along with his beasts and relatives both dead and alive (noblesse oblige) and was so happy of having not been crushed to death that I never considered myself guilt of anything until recently (like almost three decades later), in hindsight that wasn't the brightest thing to do.
The bike managed to bring me back, 700 km and ten days later, but just barely. A new piston, oil seal, belts and ball bearings fixed it. Don't know about the cows tho

 

About 6 years ago I worked as an order picker in a warehouse with about 100 or so other dudes (some of whom were pretty rough characters), a few weeks or so into my probation in this new job I started to sense that people were picking on me and spreading malicious rumours about me. I even thought I heard someone say they were going to strangle me from behind in the changing room (so, with this in mind I made sure I was always armed with a finely sharpened pencil in my trouser pocket!).

Fast forward about 2 months or so & I finally decide I've had enough and decide to confront the dude who I believed was instigating the bullying and rumour spreading about me. The guy 'swore' on his daughters life he didn't say what I thought he'd said about me. Fast forward a week or so and I have my probation terminated & get walked out the building under a real cloud (I was convinced at the time they'd sacked me for reasons other than the one they gave me).

Fast forward one year & I wake up to find an undercover surveillence police van across the road monitoring me. I also remember crawling under my car looking for a police tracking device.

As you may well of guessed by now......the problem here was what I was experiencing it that it wasn't at all real, In reality I'd become psychotic & (thankfully I had enough sense about me to take myself to my GP that same day).

Fast forward another few years & after going through the events that unfolded at the warehouse that I used to work & I eventually managed to logically refute some of what happened in my previous job (I thought people had said I'd been stalking people online, but I figured that couldn't have been true since their isn't any way of knowing who has looked up who on facebook etc).

To this day I still don't know how much of what I experienced in that warehouse was real & it kinda haunts me.......THE END!

 

That was not anti climatic.
Thank you!

 

Make an effort beautiful people and spit out some other tale that will amuse us and possibly save me from winning the title of main and greatest idiot on the HF

 

Blowing a 32-3 lead in the 4th quarter in Madden