freaked out the other day after first trip, help!

Everything started out fine. I was having fun, played some videogames. Than my friend came in and we played some two player. Than for some reason my mind went into overdrive and I just started to think way to much and didn't really say anything. What I did say was kinda incoherent and hard to say what I was thinking. I wanted to make it so what i said made the person feel how I 100% how I felt. Because words can be interpreted in so many ways. one word to one person can mean something totally different to someone else, its all about how you associated with the word in the past.

But for some reason one thing led to another. something made me think of a breakup. I thought of happy times and smiled. Than I thought of one negative thing in the relationship and all of a sudden a chain reaction of sorts happened and I started to think negatively. I soon came to the conclusion that everyone was against me. I mean, I wasn't afraid of physical damage, just emotional damage. I thought my ex was 100% against me and hated me. At first it hurt, than I stopped caring and I started to think that the way through life is to be 100% cold and numb to the world. That way you are mysterious and girls like that. they don't like emotional guys they can read. either that or be a jerk. so when you are nice the niceness will be intensfied cause it will come as a surprise cause you are normally the opposute. I figured I could never be mean so being numb was fine. I looked at my friend and got freaked out. I mentioned something about my gf and he was like, "ohhh, you gotta see your gf." as if to make fun of me. I said, "you could get a gf." He made a big deal out of it which was weird and really weired me out. Like he was trying to expose me as a pathetic person because I cared about my gf but also an ex. But I was scared my ex was laughing at how pitful I was for still caring for her and she would use my friend cause she was higher than him in some way but lower than me and in some twisted way he was trying to come onto me cause of his previous comments. i dunno, so much more went through my head and I can't describe it. but i knew i had to get out. I seeked my current gf for refugee cause I figured she could calm me down, but to no avail. so I went to my room. I was weired out I guess is how to describe it. I wanted to start my "numbness" campaign so I took down a lot of stuff that had meaning. my aim profile was made blank, same with my away message to convey an uncaring mysterious being. I was afraid my friend would come down and make a fool of me and be against me so I went to bed. I kept thinkng, be numb to the world, be uncaring, thats how you get what you want. than this feeling, sorta euphroic came over me, don't know how to explain it. I thought a little while longer about people who seemed numb and got great girls and jerks who had great girls which made me realize i had to be one of the two. than I just passed out.

Today has been weird, I mean, I don't think people are against me as much but I still feel odd and still, a little numb and uncaring. I didn't even wanna sleep over my gfs or kiss her really.

I wish I could explain everything cause I feel I have left out so much. But than things would be long, so I dunno. It was just wicked weird.

 

You just had a very introspective trip. Don't take it too hard, but listen carefully and see what you can learn from it. The key is not too be too negative about it. Don't dwell, and don't let anything negative get to you. Simply try to comprehend what happened and why it happened, and you may come out of the trip a better person than when you came in. But don't let negative things get to you! That's important. Never live life negatively or dwell on negative thoughts. There are too many good things for you to be be miserable! These kinds of trips can be difficult to take in at first, but you can learn from them and it can be beneficial in the end. And even if that's not the case, you get through it, and life goes on, you know?

 

i've been afraid of bad trips before. i've never had a bad one, but the first time i took mushrooms nearly turned very dark. what helped me was drawing. i just sat for an hour with a pen and paper and created sanity for myself. after awhile, not only did i have a really emotional drawing, but i was able to explore myself and learn through the trip. it ended up being an awesome experience.

 

start taking niacinamide & vit C to help re-interface with concensus reality...

 

being numb will never get you close to or feel good with any girl your with....no matter who she is. and in return she will never get close to you or feel good with you.

 

yeah, I know that now. Its just at the time I wanted nothing more than to seem apathetic to 99.9% of the world and everything else I was thinking made that sentiment make sense to me. I suppose when you are tripping you can think of something outrageous and than support it with numerous ideas that are fairly plausible. You know, than you figure out of all those ideas at least a few must be plausible than that starts a chain reaction, ect, ect. My mind was on warp speed just thinking and thinking and finding ways to support my be numb to the world to be happy theroy.