My bf and i are on a break now, due to things unrelated to this topic, but when we were talking the other night, he told me he felt like when we would have sex, that i was not interested in him. Now this is the thing, every time we would have sex i just wasnt in the mood, i would never be horny and the shot i am on is supposed to lower sex drive as a side effect, but i just couldnt get aroused, sex didnt feel wonderful to me, not even oral. we would start kissing and i would basically just keep kissing him until he did something else, i just had no UMPH! in me that made me initiate anything, this seems very wierd for a 19 yr old who is madly in love.and mostly i didnt do anything bc i just didnt know WHAT to do. i didnt want to disapoint him. i am thinking of writing him a note explaining all this so he knows its not that i was unenterested, its that i just didnt know what i was supposed to do bc i am new to this stuff. Is that a good idea do u think? and secondly.. any advice on what i can do to let myself get aroused or any tricks i can surprise him with if the oppurtunity arises? thnx
This is a problem I had with one of my girlfriends in particular. I always initiated sex, and although she said all the time how much she enjoyed it, I didn't believe her and we broke up. My best advice would be to really talk to him in private, think about what it is about him that turns you on, and communicate that to him. However, I have read studies that say anywhere from 10 to 30 percent of women just don't enjoy sex, so you might be screwed, figuratively not literally, of course eh hehe
There's lots of ways to get turned on and into sex...maybe you just haven't found yours yet. Don't give up
Instead of a note, I would reccomend just sitting down the two of you together and talking it out face to face. It's really hard for people to express their true feelings or even see their partners true feelings through a piece of paper or even through a telephone conversation. A note isn't a bad idea, but face to face may make it more understandable, because you obviously care about him. Good luck!
there is a little problem with that, generally, blokes dont like to talk about their problems or listen to anyone who does ie: females, when blokes have a problem, they like to sort it out on their own, its what we are meant to do, sheilas on the other hand like to talk about their problems and don't expect a solution when thay do, he might not listen to what she has to say...not to say that that is always the case...he could listen....
so are you saying not to even bother saying anything to him or not to talk face to face. im confused now.
Maybe you need a woman to satisfy your needs. Tape it and send it over along with a note of how it went.
dont beat yourself up over this... nothing is wrong with you!!! You just can't improvise chemistry dear!
If you are on Depo then I'm sorry for you. That shot has caused much damage to many a friend. My ex was on it we went from having sex multiple times per day to never in a matter of weeks. The sexual tension that was created eventually led to the end of our relationship. I think they push that shot on people at places like planned parenthood and such to effectivly prevent people who depend on public services like that from having sex, I'm sure the side effects dont occure with everyone, but all of my friends who have gotten it have had whack stories. There are some stories on the internet of people who have had downright horrer stories. It really did give me some insite into my relationship though. I honestly thought i was going to marry that girl, but take away sex and we really didn't have much left.
i used to be the same way sweet heart...nothings wrong with you, you just have to find your nitch...find out where your hot spots are and use them to your advantage..trust me on this...and talk to him face to face, paper won't cut it...
If the 'shot' is a contraceptive like Depo, than discontinue it. There are other contraceptives. The IUD have virtually no side effects and is safe. I would be very careful about taking anything that can affect sex life as a side effect, many people including myself have discontinued prescriptions because of it, your sex life is not trivial. As an aside, I find it ironic that anti-depressants that affect sex drive as a side effect can be considered, well, a good thing. Sex is the greatest pleasure and is sure to raise spirits when one is down. If I were put on anti-depressants and my sex life took a nose dive, I think I would become more depressed, kinda self-defeating I think. Your low drive is most likely a result of the prescription, get it stopped and I'm sure your sex life will greatly improve.
