Sexless relationship

I wouldn't jump to that conclusion, though, it is possible which I will acknowledge. Sometimes, not wanting sex isn't about being lazy at all. In the case of the OP's boyfriend, it could be due to something psychological, like stress. When I'm under a lot of stress, I can't really give two shits about sex. Why? Because I can't really give two shits about ANY-THING other than the fact that I am bloody stressed out. Sex is among the last thing on my mind. It's not laziness that makes me not want sex. It's the stress that makes me not want it. Maybe it's totally different with the OP's boyfriend, but I think a lot of us keep some things bottled up deep inside us and are unable to openly talk about them. Maybe if he isn't able to freely express those feelings/situations of his own with the OP, then the relationship might not be meant to be after all.

 

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Has he considered seeing a Urologist or other MD and maybe beginning with a test of his free testosterone.
He certainly doesn't sound normal to me and can't see him getting any better, as he gets older, without some help.
Evidently he doesn't understand that you can only starve someone for so long.
You for one, will be climbing the walls, if not for seeking out others for servicing, to calm your libido, somewhat. Do you think he would be OK with that and for you having some extra activity outside his bedroom?

 

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cards for me.

 

It's good the way you are communicating, that is the bedrock of a strong relationship. It's difficult to see how either of you can change your attitude toward sex. I watched an awful lot of porn in my first marriage to alleviate my high sex drive but, in the end, that wasn't enough and I cheated. I'm not proud of the fact that I did, but we never communicated so I didn't get my needs across (I don't think they would have been met anyway), at least you have that side going for you

 

Lottie94,
I never meant to imply that you were dependent on him for his money. I’m sorry about that. However, He is leaving you few options. You say you love him, but..... where is he really? Most committed relationships find a way to work through this problem. Personal health means “Personal to you”. He is starving you of a basic human desire. How long are you going to allow this. At the very least, This guy needs to see a therapist. All we’ve heard is he won’t do this or won’t do that. And won’t allow you to do the things to do for “You”. What’s next, no sex toys, no masturbation? It’s your life. Tough talk. No disrespect.

 

Besides his possessiveness and understandably being too jealous, for allowing that, he knows darn well, that if that should ever happen, you'd become attracted to this would be lover and that would be the end of him and whatever there was left, to your relationship.

 

I would guess you and he are 20 years old or less. I think young people are more prone to performance anxiety. Then performance anxiety rears its head when you get older but needs to be researched and worked through, again. Anxiety about sex comes and goes more than most young people think unless there is some underlying issue. I just turned 70 and get sex at least twice a week and don't consider that excessive. Life without sex would be a very a tough existence for either male or female that is use to getting it. I suspect there is an underlying issue he has not been willing to face yet.

Have you tried working into sex gradually, like your hands in his pockets, then stop. Nothing gets me more fired up than a good tease. Another is a sexually aggressive woman. Like unzip his pants, then start a long slow BJ.

Hopefully he would be willing to see a psychologist and also a psychiatrist, oh and a urologist. If not, for your well being, I'd suggest moving on no matter how hard it would be short term.

 

You posted when you started this thread that you are "completely in love with" him, and over 20 of your 29 postings so far on this site are in a thread about masturbation. Obviously, you have found some relief through self-pleasure and through posting about it.

Although you say that you are completely in love with him, you include other comments in your original posting and in responses to the comments of others that indicate otherwise. The idea that you will change him, or, if you wait for him to change, he will change in exactly the ways you would like are entirely unrealistic and unproductive thoughts. He probably isn't going to change this aspect of himself, and you probably aren't going to change your sexual desire much either. Consequently, either accept him as he is, or let him go. The former should be easy, particularly if you stick to the "completely in love with" part of your posting. If your several expressions of dissatisfaction and the substantial attention you give to aspects of him that you consider to be flaws are closer to the truth, you may be doing both of you a favor by declaring that you two just aren't a good match, cutting him loose, and moving on.

You managed to get this far with him without much sex. If you are as pleased by masturbation as your other postings indicate, the lack of sexual contact with him is only a problem if you are trying to produce a child. If having children with him is an important life goal of yours, it probably isn't going to happen. You'll need a man who is willing to ejaculate in your vagina, and he isn't that man. If having a child with him is not part of your life plan, he may do just fine.

 

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[QUOTE="Oldiebutgoodie, post: 8632463, member:

 

You shouldn't have to suppress. I did for 8 years and ended up cheating. It won't work.

 

Suppression will only lead to your sexual depression. Your a young woman. Don’t do this to yourself. Your mental health needs sex. It’s human nature. Obviously, he wants your sex life to die. Move on, or find a fuck buddy. There are your choices!

 

I'd say counselling first, or at least a series of heart to heart discussions before making a final move. Maybe I'm biased because I'm the one who hasn't been as sexually motivated in my own relationship. But there's a reason. There always is. In my case, on top of what I've previously explained, is the health aspect. Now, I like being a rare being. I like being that super strange, unusual person. But even I find it a bit troublesome when I constantly hear that guys are supposed to have this super ample level of sex drive, and that it's supposed to continue until we've pretty much reached the age range of our male menopause. The reality is, it's really not that clear cut. If you and your boyfriend share a deep level of emotional connection, then I personally believe it's worth learning about each other's situation with no judgement made on either side. Then you can discuss the topic of counter measures.

 

So, your question is whether the life you have gets easier for you to accept. The answer is that it does, as soon as you decide for it to be easier. It's a choice you can make right this moment. Happiness and a sense of satisfaction come from within, and such feelings will be your companions in life as soon as you choose to embrace them. The attitude you embrace today is entirely a function of the choices you make.

What I offered you were observations about contradictions in what you have posted, and a path for you to resolve them yourself. I pointed out that a sexless relationship is inconsistent with a goal of producing a child together, which you know, but you now indicate that producing a child with him is a goal of yours. That's another contradiction. You have to give one or the other up - him or producing a child with him. They're mutually exclusive. This is a difficulty you've created for yourself, over a period of months if not years, and a difficulty you can resolve yourself.

If anything got me to respond to your posting, it was seeing that so many people offered you constructive suggestions in good faith for actions you may take to achieve what it is you say you want to achieve, and you've dismissed so many of them. Of course you tried some things before posting here. Your original posting seemed earnest and the core issue you raised entirely within your grasp to resolve.

Each of us, at every moment, has two choices: (1) accept conditions as they exist; or (2) take responsibility for changing them. So it is for you.

 

Why in the hell would anyone want to suppress their sexual desires.
It could very well go away on it's own and soon enough, after menopause or for whatever.
From a guy's point of view, I subscribe to what one old guy, once told me and I quote....."when I was a young man, I chased pussy, 23 hours a day and I now realize my mistake, so for having the chance to do it over, I'd chase it for 24 hours a day."
There's a lot of truth in what he said there, ya know?

 

Lottie94,
Something major is up with him. If he isn't having extreme stress at work, or depressed, or abused in his youth, or suffering from low testosterone, or taking a medicine or illegal drugs that effects his sex drive with you, i.e. not medical or serious psychological or stress problem, it doesn't look good.
The other options mostly covered are he's asexual, confused gay or a bisexual 5 on the Kinsey scale, not attracted to you anymore, or is cheating on you (possibly picked up an STI?).
The fact he refuses to see a medical doctor, hasn't gone to counseling alone or with you, gets upset when you bring up sex is a serious red flag. And I don't think you've been together multiple years, so a 5 month refusal is a big deal at that age & stage of a relationship! (I'm also assuming he doesn't have religious issues, suffering regret having sex before marriage, but that should be easy to talk about.)
Unless you are ok with no sex, and no children, if he doesn't immediately get this addressed medically, psychologically, or emotionally in your relationship, I just don't see a positive outcome. If his sex drive is this low at 30, it's only going to drop further with age unless it's job stress or medical.

View this as a chance to get off of a sinking ship. A woman your age, with your libido will have no problem finding & keeping a good guy. You might wear a guy out sexually at 4-5 times a day, but I guarantee their are tons of guys who'll try their best for at least once a day.
I'm in your situation, but genders reversed, and 15-16 years later. I kept encountering excuse after excuse, slow down of frequency, then several months wo, sex a few times to keep me from complaining, then a longer periods without.

I can tell you I'd have been ecstatic to have a girlfriend at that age with your libido, energy, and caring warmth. I actually did, she broke up with me, partly because I wanted to pursue marriage & a family with her. My libido has been roaring ever since like it always has.

Don't sacrifice the best part of your life. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad guy, or couldn't get along, just aren't meant to be a couple. Consider getting an STI test yourself, just in case. There are several online lab services with bundles of tests.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

 

I saw the title and felt the migrane headaches coming back. Worst years of my life.

 

OK, so now what ever happened with Lottie?

 

She went to rub one out.