Would you like to know the benifits of being a Satanist?

1. Satan respects your personal beliefs and doesn't demand your conversion like other biblical figures.

2. Satan loves you, and although you may be banished to hell by a greedy god... he will still love you as one of his children.

3. The Angel Lucifer became a snake in the garden of eden to offer mankind a choice in its own destiny...

God wanted to keep humanity blind and stupid in paradise, but satan offered mankind a choice... even if it would mean their expulsion. Even his own...

Luicfer so loved mankind because he realised we were the evolution of god... god is no longer necessary.

4. Satan has much cooler hair.

Hail Satan.

http://www.churchofsatan.com/home.html

 

Why yes, please tell me more!

 

damn you fucking satanic evangalists!

cant you go onto a religious forum and talk about your all mighty god?

how about i convert if you give me a blow job for beelzebub?

Would you like to know the benifits of being a Satanist? No.

 

can i get a pamphlet...

 

I am already a satanist ... i know most of the benefits, the more converties the better..

 

Satan offers good healthcare...

Satan will take care of your kittens.

Satan's working hard to get you a voice in congress.

 

Our ink cartridges are out... do you mind if its printed in goats blood?

 

God will forgive you, sAtan will screw you over...

im pretty sure thats one of the messages from the sAtanic bible...

 

Wow, what service, dedication like that is hard to find these days!

 

The message from the Satanic bible is, there is no god, and there is no devil...

 

Well, I'm not trying to push satan on you... but he is having a raffle for a new waffle iron if you sign up today!

 

Actualy I do have a copy of the satanic bible, I don't really care for such things, but someone gave it to me, so I figured I might as well read it.
Starts off alright, but get's sort of half assed about mid way through. The general idea, like you mentioned above, is right on though, there is no god or devil or any of that crap, religion was created to control people, nothing more... Or something along those lines.

 

Besides, one virgin sacrifice a day keeps the doctor away.

 

The book is pretty interesting... it tells you to live for yourself... no judgment.

Thats kinda how my beliefs are anyway.

 

We abandoned that cause volcanoes are so hard to find...

Now we just try to bang a nun a day.

 

Yeah, my beliefs are pretty simple, we're here. That's it, no rules or any shit, we're just here.

 

Actualy I do have a copy of the bible, I don't really care for such things, but someone gave it to me, so I figured I might as well read it.
Starts off alright, but get's sort of half assed about mid way through. The general idea, there is a god and a devil and all that crap, religion was created to control people, nothing more... Or something along those lines.

They both have a lot in common....

but heck i like the satanic bible better.

 

I'll second that. Hail Satan!

 

and you always get good parking at walmart, right next to the senior citizen spots.

 

Who was talking about volcanoes? Volcanoes are ungrim. You just have to strap her to your unholy altar, light some black candles and cut out her heart with your swiss stainless sacrificial knife and drink her blood! Ad Maiorem Satanae Gloriam*!

*) meaning "to satan!" while toasting your pentacle-adorned chalices.