Dealing with Porn....

First of all.... hello everyone. I have been hanging out in the WI forum a little while and like it here. So I thought this might be a good place to share what I'm struggling with and see if anyone else has gone through the same thing and it's effects on other women.

I have a hard time dealing with the fact that my husband watches Porn. We've been married a few years and this is one of those issues that has been there from the start. I was devastated when I discovered the sites he'd visited on our computer, early in our marriage. Over the years I have grown more calloused to it. But that hurt is still there. He says he will never give it up, because he likes it and I shouldn't stand in the way of him doing what he wants. I don't want to keep him from enjoying the things he likes; however, try as I might to get over it and be OK with this I can't. It has come to the point where I don't feel like being intimate with him anymore because I feel like I'm not good enough to satisfy him. He is constantly asking me to do things in bed which he knows I don' t like, and makes me feel so guilty that I give in and do them anyway. So the sex isn't even that good for me anymore. It just feels disgusting.

I have tried talking to him in a reasonable way about how we can fix this. But he gets irate and says hurtful things to me. So I don't know how to deal with this. I have come to the conclusion that the problem is mine and not his. Now I just have to decide what to do about it.

 

Guys are horny wouldn't you rather him watch porn and whack-off than cheat on you with a $2 truck stop whore?

 

I dont think cuz he likes porn he is cheating on your or not happy with you. Men are dogs by nature and unless you are having sex 3 times a day he is normal. the extreme is an addiction to porn which you didnt mention. Is there a religious objection you have to porn or do you feel threatened? Maybe he has some desires he is shy expressing with you, being more open might help.

 

I thought of something else:
It's not his fault that his needs aren't being satisfied, that's why he asks you to do new things. Either you gotta find something more enjoyable for the both of you or you'll both suffer with the bad sex....

 

I don't have a religious objection to porn, and I won't accept that men are dogs by nature as an excuse. Yeah, I guess I feel threatened by the fact that he does it so often. I believe it borders on addiction because it seems like it means more to him that I do. Like if he had his choice he's rather get a PPV movie in the middle of the night. I really don't think this is normal.

 

This is a STRONG sign that something is WRONG.........with HIM!!!!

GOOD men don't make their lovers do things which make them sick. HE KNOWS this stuff makes you sick, yet he ONLY cares about himself. Real men, even ones with strong sex drives don't do this. Good men don't get obsessed by porn, and then expect REAL womyn to act like pretend ones in porn movies. My man has a heavy duty sex drive, and looks at occasional porn, but would NEVER bring that shit into our bedroom. He KNOWS where the line between fantasy and reality is. If your man can't diffenentiate, and doesn't CARE about how YOU feel he needs a LOT of help. Or ending the relationship.

You and your dh need some serious threrapy, he needs MORE than you. Just the fact that he somehow thinks that the sick shit he sees in porn should be brought into YOUR life makes me sick.

Either get some help or RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

 

Watching porn doesn't SOLVE marraige problems, it creates them, Duck. Especially when the man thinks that it is REALITY and doesn't CARE about his womyn's feelings.

THINK!

 

I never said it solves them. I do believe it CAN but I said nothing about that. I just said there are worse ways for him to get his horniness out.
If the man truly doesn't care about the woman's feelings she should dump him but, I really don't think that's the case, and I also don't think that porn could cause lack of attraction. You are like those people that say movies create violence.

 

Dude, that's not what she said. She's saying that he's crossing the line of bringing something that makes her uncomfortable and upset into her life and forcing her to do things that she doesnt want to do and if she doesnt he says mean things to her. That is not right. He knows she doesnt like it so he shouldnt force it upon her. If he really loved her and respected her as his wife and life companion he wouldnt rub it in her face that he has an addiction to porn and expect her to act like the cheap sluts on the stupid movies.

 

I was talking to MaggieSugar not the original poster
Plus, both you and MS are adding words to her mouth
She never said her husband doesn't care about her
You two are suggesting that he doesn't care about her
Trying to kill any chance of her fixing the marriage?

 

Damn fine answer, damn fine...

The bold passage is one of Life's Keys.

 

Duck, if he is making her do things in bed which are making her SICK

THIS is not caring about her, and using her as an object, which some people learn from porn.

Hey, if people can look at porn, and still stay focused on real life, that is FINE, but this man has crossed the line into harming his wife with it. That is a form of abuse, and she can only hope he can kick what appears to be an addiction to it, to save their marrage.

If he was just looking at it, I wouldn't care (my dh like to look once in a while, but he can differentiate between that and REAL womyn like me) he IS hurting her but forcing her, or even ASKING her to do things she doesn't want to. He needs to get help.

Porn never stopped anyone from seeing a prostitute.

 

I disagree most guys consider getting a prostitute, jerk off and their head clears.

 

Hmmmm, I hope you are right. If so, then why do most dudes who get caught cheating blame the porn?

 

Just to blame something

 

What?!
What is so bad about porn?

 

Theres nothing wrong with watching porn and everyone (well mainly men) have, do or will watch it. It's completely normal until it starts effecting ather parts of your life such as relationships and such.

 

Sounds like a rough situation hon....

Have you two ever managed to have a conversation about this? One where neither of you went completely defensive/insulting/ran away? I think it's something the two of you are going to have to work out between the TWO of you. Compromise hon... most men watch porn, and I don't think that's something that is reasonable to ban him from (heck, I watch porn too sometimes) but he shouldn't be pressuring you to do things in bed that you are not comfortable with.

I don't know of a really good way to actually have a conversation without either of you clamming up or becoming defensive about it... maybe if you wrote a letter to him, trying to explain (CALMLY) why you find this offensive/unpleasant, and that you feel it shouldn't be translated into the bedroom. That you are not comfortable with act x, and you aren't going to do it again. And then he wrote a letter in return, and from there reasonable conversation could begin?




as for those of you who are battling in this thread, grow up. This is someone else's problem, and everyone is going to have a different take on it. So you don't agree with a solution - it's not your life and if you don't like the suggestion, don't implement it. A little respect goes a long way.

 

Hear hear .. and note: I'm a fymale.. or.. womyn.. or you know.. I don't have a penis

I'm in a relationship, which is more than satisfying.. and we both watch porn (usually when we're not able to be together). I watch stuff that he doesn't and vice versa..

This isn't a porn issue and let's not make it a porn issue. Let also not make this a male/guy issue.. this is purely a problem between two people, from which one of the two (in this case, the guy) doesn't seem to be too sensitive on his partners feelings and wishes. That's all there is too it. He should learn to recognize her feelings and insecurities and treat her like a person, not a pleasure object. However, he might just be trying to make the relationship a bit better by trying out different stuff in the bedroom and since she, in the end, everytime complies.. he might not get the signal through that thick head of his that she isn't into kinky stuff.

He should learn to communicate and be more sympathetic. And she should put her foot down when it comes to doing stuff she doesn't like and not act like a walkover. That's all.

 

I just wanna ask whoever gave me bad rep., how was my post insensitive? I'm trying to help save the woman's marriage. You people are puting all the blame on the husband when cleary the problem is not really his fault. It's not the wife's fault either though. He can't help his preferences neither can the woman, hers but they can find something they both enjoy