Heavy Metal: Nature's Method of Equal Opportunity for the Mentally Handicapped

Some time in the 1970s, half-ape-half-retards decided they could play a few power chords and get blow jobs. At this time, God must have been asleep or on a coke binge with the cast of Saturday Night Live because it worked. And the soul of everyone who likes music has never quite healed.

I do not remember metal's immediate impact on society, as I was nowhere near born at the time, but I can feel in my gut a rumbling similar to a double-pedal bass that I am glad I was nowhere near born at the time. Imagine the time: Hippies were becoming commercialized (the worst thing to happen to hippies since their creation), disco was everywhere (KISS even did a disco song, which leaves many wondering if it was an improvement), and the Vietnam War was going on in southeast Asia (which, in retrospect, certainly beats being underwater). However, a savior was soon to appear in the late 1970s. This savior, this powerful genre of music created by gods and played by gods, was about to change the world forever.

Unfortunately, the punk scene sold out.

And in the absense of punk, metal was allowed to thrive and stifle the music industry with its philosophy of, "We're just like other bands, only we play our instruments MORE HARDER!" Does it make sense? No. But then again, angry asstards don't care. All they want is an anthem for stealing their parents' exotic sports car and throwing alcohol into their neighbors' pools because their life in upper class suburbia sucks. "I swear, if my parents take my fucking cigarettes away from me one more fucking time, I'm going to slam my fucking door and blast Judas Priest really fucking loud, because I'm REALLY FUCKING HARDCORE! Hey, Steve, can you pass the Cheese-Nips? Thanks, man," was often heard at teenage parties in the 1980s, because quite obviously, freedom of expression sucks.

And now, it is 2005, and we are suffering from an epidemic that is known as nu-metal, which is quite possibly the child of Lucifer and Sharon Osbourne. We are stuck with bands like Insane Clown Posse, Tool, Slipknot, Mudvayne, and other groups of people that should have been left in a frozen dumpster upon birth.

I wish I could conclude this shitty rant on a good note, so you could think, "Wow, his shitty rant wasn't half bad." But I can't. For as long as most species of ape are on the endangered list, it will always be very illegal to kill metal musicians and their fans.

 

Ahahahaha...

 

You have never listened to the good side of heavy metal. Bands such as Metallica, Pantera, Sepultura, Ac/Dc, etc ( I do not feel like listing) put the guitar into good use... all the amazing solos, etc... Metal is beautiful.

 

Pavel, don't get your panties in a bunch. It's a joke.

 

While I'll admit that I've never listened to Pantera or Sepultura, I can honestly say I that I really don't like Metallica or AC/DC.

 

I can understand why people don't liike some Metallica but the following songs are amazing:
Unforgiven
Nothing Else Matters
Hero of the Day (not metal)
and the amazing-est:
One

 

People are stupid and dont listen to any metal bands, but think that AC/DC is metal and if they dont like that, they dont like metal.

 

Didn't I already prove you to be fucking retarded? I'm pretty sure that I did.

So why are you in my thread? And why aren't you off crossing a freeway blind-folded?

 

No, you proved yourself to be retarded. And fuck you, if this is a metal thread im gonna be ni here.

 

I proved myself to be retarded? I'd like to remind everyone here that you said, "AC/DC, Quiet Riot, and Deep Purple are not real metal."

I've got news for you, toots: Say what you like, Metallica can't wave a retarded little candle to Deep Purple.

 

and you just assume im a big metallica fan? And thats older metal, still good, but nothing compared to some stuff today.

 

Pssst...don't look now...but Deep Purple helped to invent metal.

 

your a fucking idiot. what did i just say? OLDER METAL. you fucking idiot.

 

Eh, I reply to stupidity, not posts. Reading posts is for fat whores like you.

 

TOOL kicks ass and you can't say they are for the suberbia teens. as far as punk selling out? Punk hasn't sold out its still played in bars all over the country. Not to mention listen to the Crass and tell me they had more talent behind their music then Pantera. saying someone has "sold out" is the biggest fucking trend in the teenage world. However i do not like metallica but that dosen't mean they are half retarted apes cause they sure as hell made it alot futher then you have in the music industry i'm sure. Whats wrong with Nu? Granted Korn sucks now, but System of a Down is still cool *if you consider them Nu metal*. By no means am I attacking you or anything just making a really really....lound post

 

......theres something wrong with you. No one can be that stupid. PLease just go kill yourself.

 

And another metal fan takes that seriously, further proving that they are half-ape-half-retarded.

 

your not even proving anything besides the fact that you dont know what your fucking takling about and your just fucking stupid.

 

When did i say i was a metal fan? You assume to much, but while your on your anti-metal spree please, do tell us what you think is good music.

 

Instrumental punkabilly-polka. Now quit your bitching.