Raising kids in a community

My boyfriend and I are young, but we plan to have a baby in the next few years and want to be prepared in every way possible.

Our biggest concern is raising a baby in babylon. We don't like most of society and the ideas it promotes. I want my baby to think beautiful is not what you see on TV. I want them to think wealth is NEEDS being met and a happy home life. I don't want them to be influenced by other kids who are spoiled and take things for granted.

I also don't want to shelter my child in any way. They need other children and friends.

I have seen children that come from families that live in communes. They seem very simple, and very happy. Never have I heard one be disrespectful.

Is this a good idea? Am I being misled? Any other suggestions about how to raise a child without fear of their innocent minds being corrupted by the evils of babylon?

 

Sometimes I ask things like that myself too. But then I also think of these points:


I grew up in "babylon". And I don't believe in this society. and my parents didn't protect me from it. I had friends, that sat the whole day in front of tv, and I decided I don't want that, even in first grade, I made this decision on my own.
I believe, that as long as you, as parents, live a good example, most kids learn what they need to learn to deal with society in an appropriate way. I would even go so far, that raising your kids in a commune, (certainly depending on the commune, some are more open then others) you might be overprotective, since they are able to live in a sort of dreamworld. One day, they want to get out and see what's beyond the commune, because most communes can't offer everything, e. g. in terms of education. 'Then your kids go out and have a culure shock. What are you think they are going to do... trying everything that has been prohibited their whole life.
I know this sounds like a horror scenario, but consider these things. How did you grow up? How did your parents raise you? how do parents raise their kids, you don't want your children play with?

 

there's a book called _you are your child's first teacher_ by Rahima Baldwin Dancy. i think you'd really like it.

ps, you're going to be such a great mom

 

aw, thanks! No one has said that to me before!
I'll check into that book. Like I said, I want to wait a few years to mature myself and have the financial needs ready (we even have a baby account that we put $20 a week into) and be totally prepared.

The culture shock thing is what I am afriad of. I don't want to shelter my child and not have them able to deal with the real world.

I was raised in babylon, never knowing there was another option. I have been scarred by the image of beauty forced into my mind, and the jealousy of people who don't have to work for what they have. I love the way my mom raised me, but there are things I wished I had never been exposed to such as TV and bratty kids. I played with kids who weren't raised properly (in my opinion) and got ideas from them.

I would have to be very picky about this. What I may do, is find a commune that would accept us, let us work outside the community and in, and let us stay temporarily. I would like to get my child to schooling age and then put them in a public school (eek). But very few communities allow you to work outside the home, and want dedication, not temps. I would have to research further.

Another question. Are there private school option outside religious or prep schools?

 

it doesn't matter where your childern are raised(well it does but..) the values you instill into them are what they will learn and hopefully live by. I don't want to shelter my childern from the world. I want them to make their own descisions and views on things.

 

I can't help but be afraid when I see other's children sometimes. More often than not they are acting in a way that would have gotten my little butt red! I don't plan to spank, but I just don't know what I would do if my kid acted in a way I couldn't control. Is that possible?

Has anyone tried Dr. Phil techniques? He seems like he knows what he's talking about but taking away everything but the mattress seems odd. Does it work?

 

sorry I'm asking so many questions. I want to be prepared and get all the advice I can from real parents

 

I know how hard it is to raise children in this society. We do not approve of guns or things like that. My son has none to play with. But he has started using other toys as guns and shooting us. The babysitter claims that she does not allow guns. But when my husband picked dakota up the other night, her granddaughter was playing with a gun. I have emphasized to the sitter that we do not play with guns. We talk to him about guns are bad. But he still shoots us with his toys. Whenever he uses something for a gun, we take it away from him. But he just goes on to something else. I don't know how to stop this outside influence in our home. He's only 2.

Kathi

 

i'm not a big fan of dr. phil. i think the ONLY thing i like about him is his belief that people need to take responsiblity for themselves and quit blaming other people for their problems. haha, other than that, i've got no use for the man...

anyways, to answer your question about discipline and children...there are plenty of ways of teaching children that dont include punishment of any kind.

i'd recommend starting with some of the article on http://www.naturalchild.org/articles/

and then http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/discipline/discipline.html

and then, i'd read some books like _nonviolent communication_ by rosenburg, _how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk_ by faber and _easy to love, difficult to discipline_ by bailey, _playful parenting_ by cohen. the books that i listed are my favourite parenting books~they're all very respectful to parent and to child

 

I don't like Dr Phil. It is well known he does NOT like children. He had a vasectomy after his first child was born because he thought his wife was "spending too much time with the baby and he wasn't getting the attention he needed." There's a real mature dude for ya.

You are much better off with nimh's recommendations. Great links, nimh!

 

Another reason to like Maggie: Maggie dislikes Doctor Phil and provides me with more reason to dislike the man. Awesome. Out of curiousity, can you reference where this is published? Show? Book? My brother and sister-in-law are considering using his techniques for parenting and I'm trying to convince them that he is not the man to listen to. (Yes, I'm a meddler.)

 

Um, I have to admit, I avoid Dr. Phil, but the few times I have seen him, I have never seen him with his kids or his wife. Hmmmmmmmmm
He seems like a self-appointed know-it-all. What does Mrs. Phil think?

 

About the commune thing, if you do go that route, investigate now while you don't have kids, and understand that it might not last forever. You might eventually outgrow a place that seems ideal when you get there.


I lived on a commune, a couple of them actually, as a kid, and when I left after a couple of years in the woods I experienced MAJOR culture shock. It was really rough for a while. I couldn't believe how rude the little redneck babylonians were.

Now, years later, I don't know. I still think about living in a situation like that again, but I always feel like I just couldn't stand the RULES. Someone's always trying to run things and I am an adult, capable of deciding things for myself.

Sometimes I can't believe how spoiled and ungrateful my own kids are. On the commune I lived on we didn't have TV and lived in poverty. New toys? What's that? New clothes? I thought new clothes meant clothes that other people had outgrown. We were pretty safe, though. When I left I just thought the kids 'on the outside' were so spoiled and wasteful.

You know what, though? I think good networking with parents with similar values is more important than where you live. You can be good parents without living on a commune.

 

Yeah the RULES thing. I have heard so many bad things about poeple trying to be the boss in communes, and that they are actually what they are trying to be not. Everythings about POWER..... ;-)

 

well, it will be a few years and I'll do some research and find what will fit best. If I can find something great that has excellent education without presenting the evils of society and without sheltering the children I'll go with that.

 

just be thankful you have your kids with you the courts are against me and my way of living

so just love and cherrish what you have
​

 

I don't live in a commune, but I do live in a village that helps me raise my child. Any community can help fulfill your wish to have like minded people around to help guide your children. You just have to find the one that's right for you. We live near a ski resort that has some great locals. Our daughter has alot of grown up friends, as well as friends her own age. Most of us up here share the same basic mentality, so I don't worry too much about any negative influences. You'll find your own garden of Eden, if you look hard enough.

 

hmmm...... yeah.... let us know when you find this place.

 

babylon is everywhere, there is no escape. just try to stay out of debt and keep a stable home environment, if yoyur into farmin, then put a morgage down on land. if if you kids do attend the state schools, that dosent mean you cant teach them valuse and educate them at home too. if you choose to do comunities and homeschoolin, make sure that you are letting your kids experience babylon too, or have activities where they can have friends.

 

definately. THe last thing I want is to be overprotective and create a false sense of reality.

I hope that I can teach my values at home and they stick well. My mom did a good job, but I was still affected negatively in ways I wish I hadn't been.