Neither can I! And it took me so long to accept the fact it's OK for me to think about it, fantasize about it, dream about it, go for it, like it. I wish you a lot of cock and cum! It seems those will make you very happy. Happiness is good. It's also kind of erotic in some contexts.
I can relate. Although I still think of myself as more straight than gay, I feel the balance is slowly tipping towards the gay side. I'm happily married but have thought about what I would do if I were single again, and I would definitely explore my gay side much more deeply, including having a proper relationship with another man as opposed to just sex.