Ok, here's the deal. I've wanted dreads for a while now, but because they mean something spiritual to me, I haven't been ready for them. I feel like I am getting really close to the point where I feel that I'm ready to start my dreads. There's only one issue. My boyfriend, who is ultra conservative really doesn't want me to dread my hair. He tells me how beautiful it is now and gets really sad when I talk about dreading my hair. I really hate it because I have mixed feelings about it. One one side, I feel that it's my hair and that doesn't change who I am, so I should do it if I want to. On the flip side, I feel like I am being selfish and that we have to make sacrifices sometimes for the people we love and that I shouldn't be so set in my own desires. Anyway, I really need some feedback. I've been wrestling with this for a while and it's driving my crazier. He also doesn't like me stretching my ears. He says he loves me and he doesn't care as long as he is with me, but I see how sad it makes him. What should I do?
aww poor girl. I have to say that this is your life, not his. You need to shape it for what you feel is best for you spiritually... not for someone elses vain prefrences (I'm not saying he is, its just a prefrence that shouldn't matter). He may end up liking it and if he doesn't would he really be worth keeping? He needs to let go and let you make your own choices. If he can't understand them then he is being a little close minded. Ask him what he loves more, your mind or your hair and since he'll be saying your mind then you can explain to him that this is not whats changing. If your at a point in your life where you are spiritually ready and that is what you should focus on. Your creator will only allow whats best for you in the end anyway. Hope that helps.
The first time I had dreads my hubby was not impressed! He made me try to brush them out. After realising that they weren't gonna be brushed out, he didn't want my hair to be short, so I kept my dreadies. Now my hubby has beautiful 5 month old dreads, and he swears that neither brush nor blade will ever touch his head again. Do what your spirit tells you. If your bf loves you for your spirit, he will see how much brighter you will shine with dreads.
If you are ready to have them, then do it for yourself. If your boyfriend loves you, he won't care what your hair looks like...he'll love you for who you are, not what you look like. My SO wasn't crazy about my dreads at first, but now...he couldn't imagine me without them. I asked him recently what he would say if I came over without them. He told me he'd actually be really upset with me. He knows how much they mean to me and what a big part of my life they are. He appreciates what they've done for me... If YOU'RE ready...then do it.
I don't know if this helps or not but I'm going through the same thing with my husband. He really doesn't like dreads (says they just look messy). But, he's also being very supportive of my choice to dread my hair. Why? Becasue he loves me and respects my wishes when it comes to my body and my life. Because they're frizzy right now (baby dreadies) he gets this almost sad look when he sees my hair. But, he's also getting used to it. Afterall, I got used to it when he shaved his head (his solution to a receeding hairline). lol\ Any relationship is about compromise and finding balance when it comes to differences. But, that doesn't mean giving up the things you truly love. It does mean, however, respecting eachother's feelings. Not just you respecting his but also him respecting yours. I talked a great deal with my husband about my wanting to dread. I told him about how I would take care of them, what types of shampoo I wanted to use, my reasons for wanting them, how I want them to look and how they get better over time. Regardless of what he said I was going to do them anyway. But, I wanted him to understand WHY and gave him respect by communicating with him about it. It's how we work out all our differences. We don't usually sacrifice anything. Love isn't about sacrifice, it's about...well...love. Only time we do any actual sacrificing is usually for things we don't have full control over or we BOTH agree is better, even if it's not what we want (I'm talking about way more than just hair here). You said that he doesn't care so long as he is with you. That sounds like something my husband would say. My suggestion to you is what I've already said. Talk to him. Don't try to convince him or anything. Just talk. Communicate. Let him know what you're feeling in regards to how you percieve his feelings. Ask him for his thoughts: good, bad, and indifferent. Let him know that his feelings and thoughts are very important to you. *hugs* Good luck hon! Jessie P.S. What do you mean by stretching your ears? Are you kin?
I can't really relate to the boyfriend problem, since my boyfriend loves dreads and actually helped me dread my hair...lol. However, your boyfriend reminds me of my mom (sorry if that's a disturbing thought...haha). I told my mom I wanted to dread my hair and she would get this pained, pleading look on her face, and say things like "I love your hair, it's so beautiful, why would you want to do that to yourself?" When I first came home with them, she didn't talk to me for a week. We got into a few fights over it, but now she actually tells me that she likes my dreads. She realizes that I've always been my own person and have always had a quirky personality. Your boyfriend might not really like them at first, but he might actually really love them once you do them. If he's ultra-conservative, I can see why he's so weird about it...maybe he's afraid of being embarrassed because his gf has dreads? Personally, I'm more proud to be with someone who is their own person and isn't afraid to show the world that they're unique. As far as you being selfish...how do you suppose wanting to do something for yourself is being selfish? It's YOUR body. It's not like you're saying "Me, me, it's all about me." It IS you...it's your hair and your choice to do with it as you like. Your bf will love you no matter what. It might take some getting used to, but he should know that he's in a relationship with a free spirit and an individual and that you're beautiful no matter how you do your hair.
ew. Sounds like your man is quite superficial. All I can say is that you should try and tell him how important it is to you and try and get him to understand.
its your life and you can live it how you want if he cares for you he will love you no-matter what do what makes you happy and feel free ~dreads are beautiful~
Aww...thanks guys. I had a conversation with him...kinda a semi arguement, but he came back and said that he felt bad about it and that he was being selfish. Then he told me that he would help me dread my hair. I hope he's sincere, but then again, it IS my body. He took me shopping and bought me some claws to help stretch my ears too, so maybe he's softening a bit. He told me that he had a bad experience with someone kinda hippish and that is why he is a bit put off by it. I do see some hippie-like qualities in him, I think he just supresses it. Afterall, he is attracted to me lol.
*hugs* I'm glad to hear that he's OK with it and that he understands. Maybe you can give him a good "hippie experience".
