Jerks Or The Nice Guy?

Obviously, and I meant quiet in the intreverted sense, I'm just not out going.

And who says that I dont find myself attractive, I love myself, because I am human.

 

yo my bad my man, i confused you with the kid that started the thread.

 

It's cool.

 

You just have all the answers dont you.

 

my man is nice and quite a jerk sumtimes!

 

I can't believe no one else really sees a problem with dividing guys into two different types: jerks and nice guys. Its not that simple, no one is that simple...there is so much more to a person, and spliting guys into two general catergories is not productive.

 

You have it there Shaba - "If I dared", "I'm sure" etc etc. Sounds like you are believing in gravity before you see the apple fall. If you said "every time I ask a girl out I get slapped" or something like that there would be something to talk about.

Like me you believe all these things and yet don't actually try. You may say you're confident but doesn't a confident person act the role ie ask people out and approach them and then not get fussed if they get rejected? You assume a girl will reject you before you even try - is that confidence?

 

I agree - in most instances anyway.

The best way to lose is to assume defeat before you even start and then do your best to back up your negative assumptions.

eg "Look, she's breathing air - that's definite proof she wouldn't like someone like me"...

Believe me I know - I've done it enough times myself to recognise the tendency. Gotta be careful too or you'll become a misogynist and go around muttering 'scanky bitches!' to yourself all day and wonder why they run away when you approach them....

Quiet can also be taken as arrogance.

 

ok - sorry about the massive generalisations in this post, but meh

Nice guys are definitely more attractive than assholes - compassion is a turn on.
I'd absolutely take the nice guy over the jerk

but, i can see why women are with jerks...maybe because at least you know when they are interested. They make it obvious with their glances and words.

whereas the nice guys, who are often a little shyer, are not so blatant. I know ones who are too subtle. The girl may be very interested, but scared to make a move when the guy isn't flirting or giving signals.

so basically, most of the women I know like the nice boy, but don't know how to get one. In the mean time, maybe they are getting some horny tension relief with someone they know is into them?

that said, i do know a few women who date the assholes because they think they can be the girl to tame him, ground him, whatever. It's sad, because they get treated appallingly. Each to their own I guess.

 

guys need to be respectful/nice/whatever but you have to have some self-confidence in order for a chick to go out with you. i guess i mean if you ask a girl out and are twitchin and all nervous it is easier for them to turn you down.

 

I think we need to be careful with definitions:

I don't think any girl says to herself "I want to get with an arsehole", but at the same time they are attracted to the confidence and straightforward manner that arseholes seem to have. 'Nice' guys often translate into 'passive, quiet' and means the girl will have no idea what they want. Nice guys are out there but alone because they are too insecure to put their self esteem on the line when approaching someone (myself included).

 

i think shyness is the ultimate conceit. no one could POSSIBLY see how wonderful you are, so you hold yourself aside, deprive them of your presence. i know this because i used to be this. i know many others who used to be this as well. it's annoying to see it on others now.

 

some interesting post... well i have to say i think i need to get my confidence back. i sort of used to be struting around thinking i was the shit, but some girl rejected me and all that went away. yes true story. lol but its been a while, ill probably start working out. every time i work out i feel SOO GOOD ABOUT MY SELF. may be thats all i need is to get into shape.
now most of you guys said that a nice guy is shy and quiet. ohh boy, im FAR from quiet. i talk ALOT. i might be a bit shy around new people. but after a while i open up and i talk. i flirt a lot too ( i think), but i think i tend to say werid stuff some times and confuse a girl im talking to. need to work on that too. i might have trouble reading signs too, i mean if a girl flirts back that doesnt mean she likes me, hell how can itell she is flirting anways... or just tryin to be nice, or messing around. i supose there is a lot i have to work on....

 

A lot of people confuse;


shy vs quiet
confident vs arrogant
nice vs scared
confident vs trying to hide insecurity

etc etc

To me the best person is someone (male or female) who has the confidence to: be quiet when they don't feel like talking, be able to approach people when they do, not be concerned what people think of them (and this doesn't mean body piercing or blue hair to pretend you don't care), and doing things you feel are right even though you know it will make you unpopular.

 

it's true, these are confused. but can you see a "nice guy" holding up under the pressure of dealing with me? at the same time, i won't deal with abuse. so i gotta have a strong, truly confident man.

 

My boyfriend is the nicest person and that is one of the reasons that I love him. I hate over-confident jerks and I would never in a million years go out with one.

 

I agree with you completely.

 

It saddens me to read you feel that way Lotusblossom. But I understand it - you feel rejected and wonder why none of the girls seem (notice I said 'seem') to appreciate who you are. It seems (that word again) like every time you see a hotty they're with some mario in a flash car. And of course there is society telling you that unless you have heaps of dosh, a great car etc etc that you are a failure.


BUT - and this is the big thing - appearances can be deceptive. For every hot chick you see with a dick head there is a dozen in the background wanting someone decent but who you don't see because you don't want them, you want the slag in the miniskirt with mario....

How many times have you passed over a girl because she wasn't good looking enough or was a little fat? Should she hate you for it?

It's easy to begin to hate all those girls who make you feel rejected - but after a while it takes on a life of its own and before you know it you are so bitter and twisted that you can't even see clearly anymore...

Hang in there bud - there are girls who appreciate real people.

P.S. - Have you ever considered the fact that girls didn't notice you more when you lost weight but instead you felt better about yourself and so acted more confident/friendly with them?????

 

Just remember, there is a HUGE difference between being a jerk, and being confident.

I would not stay in a relationship with someone who didn't respect me as person, and didn't respect my needs. That's precisely why I ended my last relationship.

Confidence means a certain amount of happiness with yourself. Women don't want men who aren't confident (some of us at least) because we don't want to hold their hand and walk them through every step in respecting themselves, and liking themselves. I don't want a man with a high upkeep, just as I try to be a gal with low upkeep.