*hugs* i think you handled it well; you never want to negate his feelings, but it was also good that you didn't say "yeah, i wish he was dead too," even though you probably do. Encourage him to talk about it whenever he brings it up, and use it as an opportunity to remind him that he's safe now, and he'll only see him if he chooses to, in a safe place. I'm guessing grandmother is the X's mom? i think it's good to see her; give him a more pleasant link to that side of his genetics.
don't think i'm jumpin on ya, but do you badmouth his dad in front of him? i know it was damn near impossible for me to bite my tounge in front of my boys about my x, but i tried not to let them hear anything i was bitchin about. i still don't let them know all the crap. they're kids, they have their whole adult life to be traumatized.... and there's not a damn bit of good that i could see to make them feel like their dad was an asshole (which he was/is) but yeah, they remember stuff i wish they would forget. and i have to let them have their say, and comfort them. we're much better now - you will be too.
If what her x did was truly horrible, then even if she doesnt badmouth him, he'd probably remember...My mother never spoke ill of my father after everything he did to myself and my brothers...but I still hate him with the fire of a thousand suns...and if i could get away with it, I'd murder him...But I can't...so I won't even think of it...
no I don't badmouth him and The only thing I made a point about his fealings for his father is that we should do on to others as we would have them do to us. We talked about x later that night and I think he understands but I worry. This morning he let me know he wanted to met him some place today. Life can be so strange. I want to run away, I want to fly away, yet I'm not a bird but I am strong. thanks every one for you thoughts and have a wonderful day. Love Honey.
sounds like you're doing the best you can in a bad situation honeytree - just let your boy know you are there for him. it's not easy - but it will get better. hippyfreek, i'm sorry there's anyone in your life that you would hate so much. my x was a shit, he really shoulda treated me/us better - he never realized how good he had it. his whole life since has been fubar without us. luckily i don't have to put up with his shit no more, nothin like being behind on child support to get a man to disappear.... he hasn't seen his sons in almost 7 years. his loss, they are awesome boys.
maybe he was just testing out his feelings and sorting them out because of the fact that they would possibly be meeting.
I have a 4 yr old daughter that remembers everything. She's also very sensitive. When my wife and I "have words" she gets right in the middle of it and picks a side (usually mine but not always) and lets us know what she thinks. I think it's good to some degree to let children learn about how complex relationships can be. If you keep doing what you seem to be doing, your son will be fine. I think one of the most important things he needs to know is that he is a good kid and his fathers behavior has nothing to do with him. As children naturally want to approval from their parents, he may feel like he did something wrong by his fathers additude toward him. I see your a neighbor. (i'm in pensacola) Not too many of us on the site from this conservative area. Take care.
